Grade my essay please?

<p>Please grade my essay. All feedback is appreciated. Thanks.</p>

<p>Prompt:
Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary in order for any group or organization to function, questioning the people in charge-even if they are experts or leaders in their fields-makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong actions.</p>

<h2>Assignment: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </h2>

<p>My essay:</p>

<p>It is important to challenge those in positions of power because it allows the entrance of new ideas and it improves our understanding of ourselves.</p>

<p>For example, in Mark Twain’s “Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court”; a 19th century American man named Hank Morgan is transported back in time to King Arthur’s Camelot court. Armed with advanced knowledge, Hank Morgan quickly advances to a position of power and he betters the whole kingdom. In this story, the peasants are kept down by an aristocracy that in it of itself is corrupt and incompetent. For example, admission into the officer corps is regulated by men concerned with nobility rather than merit. Morgan’s candidate is fluent in advanced geometry, optics and all manners of military and strategic tactics yet is pushed aside for another loutish candidates whose claim to nobility is that one of his forefather built a brewery and that he had engaged in “bushwacking for trolls”. Clearly, the lesser man got the job in this situation that that it because ensconced nobility and authority prevented the logical course of action. By obstructing justice, the supposed experts promote injustice. Morgan questions to stupidity of the nobility from the forefront and thus is able to correct the wrongs inflicted upon the people by the nobles. Hank Morgan later goes on to overthrow the existing class of nobility and thus his challenging of nobles, those in power, is good because he is able to bring some form of democracy to the peasants of Arthurian England and is able to raise their standard of living.</p>

<p>The book “The Brothers K”, chronicles the life of the Chance family, in particular the four brothers including the narrator, Kincaid. Throughout the story, the boys move away from their mother’s religion and their own government. For example he bookish brother, Peter, opposes his mother’s Adventism and pursued Buddhist enlightenment. By breaking away from his mother and recognizing the corrupt nature of the Adventist pastor, as portrayed in the story, Peter is able to recognize who is truly is. Everett, the flamboyant eldest brother and hippie, repudiates all that is American and strives to expose the military industrial complex but his abject failure and subsequent draft-dodging exile illustrate that his search from self revealed that he wasn’t much. For Everet, the questioning of authority provided a mirror of self reflection. In fact, none of the boys retain any sense of orthodoxy besides Irwin, who is eventually punished for his unquestioning obedience to authority by the Adventist pastor who he supported for many years.</p>

<p>In conclusion, it is important to question authority because doing so facilitates the creation of better ideas and the ac of questioning reveals truth about ourselves.</p>

<p>The quality of your writing (despite a couple small missteps) prevents this from being a three. If this were the only aspect of the scoring rubric, this would be a five for sure.</p>

<p>The relative lack of insight (smaller ideas pertaining to the big idea of authority) prevents it from being a five (but not by much).</p>

<p>Also, your conclusion is nearly identical to the introduction. Why waste the ink?</p>

<p>It’s a 4/5 split. You’re at the mercy of the draw.</p>

<p>So cut down on the evidence and prioritize discussion of the prompt over examples that prove my point?</p>

<p>Any other tips to make this a 5/6 essay? Or to make me a 5/6 writer?</p>

<p>Thanks for your review.</p>

<p>There’s a significant difference between 4 and 5, an even wider gulf between 5 and 6.</p>

<p>This applies to both the test and the overall quality of your writing.</p>

<p>At this exact moment I don’t have time to go into details, but this evening (say, 6pm Pacific) I will.</p>

<p>Are you able to receive private messages? I’d rather not spend a lot of this forum’s bandwidth on student-specific discussions (although I will if that’s what it takes to help you).</p>

<p>So cut down on the evidence and prioritize discussion of the prompt over examples that prove my point?</p>

<p>NOT necessarily. We’ll talk later.</p>