Grade my essay. I'll grade yours!

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>For a variety of reasons, people often make choices that have negative results. Later, they
regret these choices, finding out too late that bad choices can be costly. On the other hand,
decisions that seem completely reasonable when they are made may also be the cause of later disappointment and suffering. What looks like a wonderful idea at one time can later seem like the worst decision that could have been made. Good choices, too, can be costly.</p>

<p>Assignment: Are bad choices and good choices equally likely to have negative consequences? Plan and write an essay in
which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken
from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>I found this kind of difficult. Thanks for reading and grading it! Do give some advice. Here is my essay:</p>

<p>No. Bad choices are way more likely to have negative consequences. One would brand a choice 'good' or 'bad' only after the consequences have been experienced or seen. This makes it very unlikely for good choices to have negative consequences.</p>

<p>A choice may have negative consequences and positive consequences or a combination of both. when negative consequences outweigh the positive consequences, a choice will be called bad. The opposite goes for a good choice. </p>

<p>I once had to make a choice, when buying a mobile phone. In the end, I bought an Iphone instead of a cheap Nokia. This specific choice has positive consequences: Good graphics, fast processing, greater number of apps, more storage. On the other hand, it has negative consequences: High pirce. This goes to show that a good choice doesn't have to consist of positive consequences only. But that doesn't make it more likely to have negative consequences.</p>

<p>Honestly, that is a pretty bad essay. If I were to give it a grade out of 12, it would probably be about 4-5.</p>

<p>I agree, specially the example part. Which was crap. But what should have I written? What kind of an approach would you take?</p>

<p>I don’t want to spend too much time nitpicking every little flaw, but I’ll just give you some things that jumped out at me.</p>

<p>You need a stronger intro/hook. You can’t begin an essay with the answer “no”. It is simply not a high form of writing. </p>

<p>You need a clearer thesis statement and be sure what you are trying to argue. </p>

<p>The lack of concrete examples hurts you a lot.</p>

<p>You use a ton of unprofessional and vague language.</p>

<p>The personal experience you talk about is weak and doesn’t add much to the essay</p>

<p>You could definitely improve your essay.</p>

<p>It needs to be longer, you need to have a more developed thesis, don’t start out with “No.” this will cause you points. Also, try and add some nuanced ideas, read some sample essays released by College Board to get an idea.</p>

<p>This prompt in particular is challenging, compared to the other prompts.</p>

<p>Thanks for the advice. What example would you give for this prompt?</p>