Grade my Essay... Official College Board Prompt

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I hand wrote this, then typed it up.
I left four lines blank.
I left all spelling and grammar mistakes.
I would appreciate constructive criticism and a grade on a scale of 12.
Thank you guys so much. </p>

<p>Prompt: Can people ever be truly original?</p>

<p>Everywhere we go, we encounter cheap imitations. Why are we surrounded by imitations? Merely copying something is much easier than creating a new idea. But not everyone takes the easy way out. Although it is an arduous task, being truly original is possible, and Emily Dickinson and Walt Whitman both exemplify this ideal.</p>

<p>Emily Dickinson, a prolific poet, was truly original. As a recluse in Amherst, Massachusetts, Dickinson never engaged others. Additionally, people thought she was a lunatic because she always wore a white wedding dress. Dickinson's aberrant lifestyle was also reflected by her poetry. She did not follow the rules of traditional iambic pentameter Shakesperian sonnets. Instead, she did as she pleased. Her peculiar grammar, syntax, and diction contributed to her deviating style. She had no regard for meter and rhyme. Dickinson created the slant rhyme and her poems were in misshapen four line stanzas. Moreover, the controversial topics of death, love, and immortality all contributed to Dickinson's originality. Although many people copy her, Emily Dickinson is regarded as one of the best American poets because she was truly original. </p>

<p>Walt Whitman is another prime example that it is possible to be original. In contrast to Dickinson, Whitman was sociable and gregarious. He was a newspaper editor in New York City and was always surrounded by others. He was the first poet to demonstrate empathy for others in his poems. He often placed himself in other's shoes. Whitman pioneered freeverse; he payed no attention to meter and rhyme. Instead, he relied on alliteration, assonance, and cadence to illustrate the vivid imagery of his expansive poems. Unlike Dickinson's short poems, Whitman's poems were very long. Walt Whitman was a truly original American poet. </p>

<p>Although Walt Whitman and Emily Dickinson both wrote poetry, each was very different. Despite the difficulty of being original, many still strive to be unique. In order to be truly seminal, one most put forth the effort to be so.</p>

2

<p>no one loves me</p>

3

<p>I would give this an 8-9. I would have liked it if you didn’t choose both of your examples to be poets; it limits the scope of your argument. You also need to work on balancing out the length of your paragraphs and the amount of detail you include. Your intro is good, but your Dickinson paragraph includes too much unnecessary information. Your Whitman paragraph had too many short and choppy sentences, and ended in a very rushed way. I didn’t feel like it contributed much that the Dickinson paragraph hadn’t already made clear. Your conclusion paragraph is also a little lacking in length, and you could have elaborated on your suggestion that people need to put forth the effort to be unique (by talking about how that moves society forward, for example)</p>

4

<p>damn… thanks a lot for that. I think that this was a hard topic to do. </p>

<p>I asked someone and they said it would surely be a 12. But I guess not. I thought the two poetry examples would show that two people can do the same thing yet still be completely different, or original. And it is hard to have a long conclusion, especially when you are running out of time. And yeah, I did have some extraneous details in the Dickinson paragraph. </p>

<p>Thanks again though… at least someone responded after I went through the hassle of typing up my essay</p>

5

<p>I would give it a 9. For one, I think your argument is flawed based upon your chosen details/evidence (e.g. “death, love, and immortality” are fairly generic topics in literature and “plac[ing onself] in other’s shoes” is an example of reproduction, not originality). But that is besides the point…</p>

<p>The basic thing you need to do is to CONVEY HOW YOUR EXAMPLES PROVE YOUR POINT THROUGHOUT THE ESSAY RATHER THAN PROVIDE SUPERFLUOUS DETAILS and lapse into a biography/regurgitation of facts.</p>

<p>How can you do that? Well, for one throughout your essay back up connect each point to the overall argument. E.g. in a topic sentence say, “Emily Dickinson’s attempts to eschew iambic convention and create her own style convey that the human beings can create their own literary style, with or without provocation…” or something like that rather than just “Emily Dickinson…was truly original.” In other words, always say why she was original and connect to the topic rather than just list details. This starts with your thesis, which needs to say what about Walt Whitman and Emily Dickinson was truly “original” rather than just claim that they were "original.</p>

<p>In my opinion you could get a 10/11 if you followed that advice…</p>

<p>(My background is that I took it twice and got 12’s both times, although I never practiced/studied for the essay)</p>

6

<p>This isn’t a comment, but rather a question (sorry to hijack). Could one talk about originality in a negative sense? You know, when a person does something new, but not for the right reasons…an example would be Hitler and his Blitzkreig</p>

7

<p>^ maybe a 8? I think you should connect your examples a little more instead of just stating them. Also, some parts of your essay seemed a bit irrelevant- what is the significance of Emily Dickenson always wearing a white wedding dress? Yes, obviously you meant to say that that is how Emily was different from the others and thus “originial” , but you’ve gotta make that connection in your paper so that it’s almost up in your face. </p>

<p>Another thing- I think that you’ve done a good job overall with your paper but I think that your thesis statement could be even better. Instead of saying that “although it is an arduous task, being creative is certainly possible”, say something that has a bit of depth such as “it was through her reclusiveness that Emily Dickenson came to approach her writing with a different point of view, thus marking her as one of the most original American poets of all time”. Something like that- it does not have to be fancy but I think you can get a higher grade just by developing your thesis a bit more.</p>

<p>Good job and good luck~</p>

<p>schoolgirl</p>

8

<p>I think this is a very well written essay compared to many I’ve seen. I don’t feel competent to give it a numerical grade, but I think 8 is low. However, I do think it could be improved. First, I agree with others that it would be better not to use two such similar examples (both poets). Perhaps it could have been better if you chose three examples, but didn’t give so much detail about each of them. Also, look for repetition (i.e., “truly original”)</p>

9

<p>Thank you guys for the great advice. I realized that with this essay everything I have is loose. I think I may be better off using 3 examples rather than 2.</p>

<p>What are some examples you guys would use? Would it be appropriate to write a paragraph stating why sometimes originality comes from copying. How people look at something then create their own rendition. </p>

<p>I am totally lost… this is a hard topic</p>

10

<p>I would give this a 10. By adding a few more details and some more vocab, I’m sure you could get a 11 or 12. Good luck and practice.</p>

11

<p>Don’t worry about coming up with unique examples. A composer, a writer, and an inventor might be good examples.</p>

12

<p>So if I maybe did like:</p>

<p>Maybe one of these poets, Dickinson OR Whitman</p>

<p>and How the inventor Mark Haploid (made up inventor) created a new lock mechanism for the erie canal</p>

<p>Beethoven and how he was influenced by Mozart, but was still very original</p>

<p>If I were to do this, should I keep each paragraph to about 6 sentences?</p>

13

<p>Yes, SAT essays are short. As you have it now it is an 8. You are organized, but it would be best if you put a “roadmap” at the end of your intro, and include what exactly are your main points of each paragraph. Also, you attempt at varying your sentence structure but it does not sound very natural. It seems very sporadic: look at the first three sentences of your second paragraph, then the ones following it. They have lots of commas, then you have short choppy sentences. It seems like a small deal, but its strange to read.</p>

14

<p>^ actually I think this was the prompt that I got on my January SAT and I remember writing something like: although it’s important for one to be originial, one is only truly originial if he/she has the foundation for imitation… I can’t recall exactly what I wrote but I did get a 12…</p>