Grade my Essay please <3

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present?</p>

<p>Essay (I didn't have the prompt with me at the time, so I said past memories repeatedly to compensate for not having the prompt's wording :x Please try to ignore that when grading):</p>

<p>The premise that past memories aid people and allow them to succeed in future is an unequivocal truth. Only by learning from past mistakes can people truly evolve and elevate themselves to higher levels. Without past memories, people would perpetually make the same mistakes and bar both themselves and society from significant and meaningful progress. The veracity of this assertion is confirmed in examples within literature and history.</p>

<p>A paragon of this topic in the field of literature is Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. This novel describes the detrimental effects of not having past memories on a societal level. The people of its society have very little bearing of their past, and are ignorant of the mistakes made in their past. All old literature and cultural displays have been destroyed, leaving not even the opportunity to consider their past. As a result of not having the benefit of past memories, their society is clearly heading in an undesirable direction. The citizens have no sense of their cultural background and have very little personal connection with each other. The concept of having a family is actually considered derogatory, and love is a nonexistent idea in their society. As demonstrated by these harsh circumstances in their society which lacks the past, they are unable to progress. Rather, they actually regressed, as they lose the basic tenants of civilization slowly but surely. Therefore, Brave New World exemplifies the folly of not having past memories to rely on through its depiction of a regressive and unprogressive society.</p>

<p>In addition to literature, history also provides a fitting example that demonstrates the necessity of past memories. After WWII came to its close, the tastes of genocide and hatred were left in the mouth of the world's population. As a result, the United Nations and other peace organizations were created to ensure that nothing of this sort were to ever happen again. The creation of those peace organizations and the passing of peace legislation globally both demonstrate the benefits of past memories. By considering the causes of the hatred and racism, taken from prior events such as WWI and the Treaty of Versailles, the world was able to make significant progress in its endeavor to keep the peace. It took careful effort to ensure that the mistakes committed in their past memories were never to committed again, allowing the world to truly evolve. These efforts were clearly rewarding, as no major problems have arisen since then, due to the work of the UN and other peacekeeping global organizations. Therefore, the creation of the UN and other similar organizations after WWII exemplifies the need for consideration of past memories through their significant progress in elevating the world to a higher state of peace.</p>

<p>After a careful analysis of Brave New World and the creation of peace organizations after WWII, it is lucid that past memories are essential. By learning about past mistakes, current society is able to ensure that the same errors do not happen again. This allows society, and the people that make it up, to truly grow and progress. Only by learning from the past will we truly be able to create a better future.</p>

2

<p>11-12 I guess. The first example isn’t concrete. Language and grammar is good.</p>

3

<p>I don’t agree that language is good. There are a number of words that are not used properly and seem to be used simply to show strong vocabulary. I would suggest being more careful to only use impressive words where you are sure they fit.</p>

4

<p>CHD is absolutely correct about the vocab here.</p>

<p>Furthermore, explain the presence and/or function of this sentence:</p>

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<p>For what purpose did you include it?</p>

<p>The bigger issue is that this essay does little to address the question. The Huxley novel has nothing to do with memories. There are many novels and plays that deal with memories, but Brave New World isn’t one of them.</p>

<p>Your next paragraph would be fine if the assignment had been, “Summarize in one paragraph the lasting effects of World War II.”</p>

<p>Nonetheless, because it shows that you can write competently, this essay would probably receive a four.</p>

5

<p>Which words were used incorrectly? </p>

<p>And Brave New World certainly does pertain to memories as their society puts emphasis on limiting historical knowledge and has even destroyed all historical documents prior to a date of its choosing.</p>

6

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<p>Are you sure we’re talking about the same books?</p>

<p>Anyway, the feedback is yours for the taking. It’s your prerogative to reject it.</p>

7

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<p>These things pertain not to memories but to the manipulation of history.</p>

<p>The words “history” and “memories” aren’t synonyms.</p>

8

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<p>There are more appropriate words that could and should have appeared in place of the following:</p>

<p>veracity
premise
paragon
derogatory
tenants (I think you meant “tenets”)
unprogressive (not a word)
lucid
endeavor </p>

<p>Throw away the list (or at least put it out of your mind while you’re writing the essay).</p>

9

<p>More appropriate words (or word combinations) could also have been used in place of the following:</p>

<p>bearing
careful effort
rewarding</p>

10

<p>Some vocab usage problems, but overall I would give 10. First example wasn’t clear but second one makes up for that. I found some minor grammar mistakes which don’t really matter but to kill some time…
“society which lacks the past” → lack
“Rather, they actually regressed…” → Rather, they actually regressed as they lost the basic tenants…
“globally both demonstrate” → globally demonstrates
“arisen since then,” → omit comma
“after WWII exemplifies” → exemplify
“…consideration of past memories through their(?) significant process” → not really clear
“This allows society…” → omit 3 commas in that sentence</p>

11

<p>Overall rather insightful. As most of the people pointed out, the example on brave new world was not as impactful as your World War II example. </p>

<p>Apart from a few incidents of cacophonous and jarring sentences, language was effective.</p>

<p>When it comes to the impact your essay had on me as reader (which is the main factor that decides your mark since sat markers mark ‘arbitrarily’ as opposed to using a rubric), I would say it was decent.</p>

<p>Overall a well written piece which demonstrates a level of writing exceeding most of the other posts on this website. </p>

<p>I think the essay is well deserving of an 8 and maybe a 9 if a marker is generous.</p>

<p>With subtle improvements this would easily hit a 10 and with a more variegated usage of vocabulary and better expression of the first example, an 11-12 will be within reach.</p>

<p>Great job overall :)</p>

<p>P.s. Normally I would recommend a book list to the writers of the essays I look at. In your case I think you are on the right track and more practice should do you good :). Would recommend building up a strong repertoire of examples though; to ensure you can give valid points easily and not have to morph an example to fit the question</p>