grade my essay please :D

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Topic: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Technology does make our lives easier. Communication is done rapidly at anywhere and anytime. This change, however, does not necessarily make our lives better.</p>

<p>People become addicted to technology. Because things are made easier, people are eager to use them self-indulgently, which results in addiction. Many Thais are addicted to Facebook and Whatsapp, chatting with friends all day long. This addiction deteriorates relationship within a family as addicted people tend not to pay attention to others but themselves. When there is no addiction will there be love and bond. </p>

<p>Technology can turn people to be immoral. New innovations make connection and access easier, tempting people to use them wrongly for self-benefit. In Thailand, many crimes result from using technology. Call-center gang, which frauds call randomly to people and deceptively convince people to give their credit card number, is prevalent. New innovations, though makes our lives easier, can turn people evil.</p>

<p>New innovations make people think less. Computer games like Assassin's Creed and Skyrim and communication software like Line and Whatsapp can serve as big distractions. People who are overwhelmed with them can lose focus on their jobs easily and deviate from normal lives. They don't think about anything else but only focus on their gadgets. A comparison between today's people and ancient people is clear in which today's people rarely become thinkers and philosophers. Famous thinkers like Socrates and Descartes are from ancient times. When people think less, society tends not to prosper but decline. </p>

<p>Even though technology makes our lives easier, it does not necessarily make our lives better and sometimes even worse. The famous Issac Asimov once said "the saddest aspect of lives right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom." This quote insinuates that technology or science is not preferable to wisdom or thinking.</p>

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<p>bump bump bump , need help thanks in advance</p>

3

<p>Yeah so I suck at grading but I’ll give my advice.
The reasoning seems shallow and takes logical jumps, although that’s not necessarily a killing blow on the SAT. A few grammar errors such as “there will be love and bond” and odd phrasing like “they don’t think about anything else but only focus on their gadgets.” I didn’t understand how you took two examples of thinkers from ancient times and suggested that because they existed, technology made us lose progress. For that matter, you basically suggested that change = technology. I wouldn’t have focused the entire essay on technology.</p>

4

<p>Your first two examples are ok, but still too vague and unfocused. Lets supposed you used academic examples (which I would prefer) would you say “Shakespeare’s King Lear shows how even royalty can have trouble in their family?” No- because that is way too high level and vague a point to be drawing from the work. So in the first example, you really want is an instance where technology addition cused a problem. Maybe a specific story of someone who died or lost their job from being addicted to a game. Or you could use a specific statistic- “Researchers claim that over 8 million teens show signs of clinical addiction to Starcraft”.</p>

<p>The third example I dont like. Descartes and Socrates lived over a thousand years apart. There are plenty of their contemporaries who were non-thinkers whose names we dont know. I dont think you have demonstrated things are any worse today from technology.</p>

5

<p>I’ll give you a 3 but that’s just me…3rd example is kinda superfluous</p>

6

<p>2/6. Realistically it should be 3/6, but it was so painful to read that I had to bring it down. Everything goes downhill after you copy and paste the prompt as your introduction.</p>