Grade my essay PLEASE??

<p>I'll be taking the SATs soon, and I find the essay section really stressful. Would you please grade my essay and give me tips/constructive criticism? THANKS SO MUCH!</p>

<p>Prompt: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves? (practice test 7 in Official CB book)</p>

<p>An ancient Confucian adage reads, "Only you can observe your inner soul." Others undoubtedly hold a biased viewpoint, as they only see a few facets of you. Amelia Earhart,Thoreau's Walden, and my own experience with piano exemplify the belief that we humans can only understand ourselves by ourselves.
For instance, Amelia Earhart, one of the great female aviators of all history, was not encouraged to fly planes in the patriarchal society. However, once she discovered her passion for flying, she realized that was what she desired to do in her life. She understood herself and her goals and would not allow anyone to deter her. Only she understood the exhilirating feeling she felt when flying. Amelia Earhart clearly demonstrates that we only need ourselves to understand ourselves. In fact, others often try to hinder us from fulfilling our true wishes.
Furthermore, in Thoreau's Walden, Thoreau depicts his solitude in nature. During these years of solitary, Thoreau discovered more about himself because he could write down all his thoughts without the influence of other individuals. No one could disturb him or dissaude his beliefs. Only in the tranquil setting of Walden pond in Massachusetts was Thoreau able figure out his relationship to nature and the world. By himself, he gained a true understanding of himself.
Like Thoreau, I have purposefully isolated myself from other people periodically. When I debated whether or not to quit piano, opposition met me from all sides. My parents and teacher adamently opposed quitting, but my sister believed I should quit. Faced with these varying opinions and reasons, I locked myself in my room to figure out what I wanted. Did I enjoy playing piano, or was it a chore? Do I plan to pursue music? What are my priorities? In channeling my own beliefs, I finally made my own decision to quit piano.
The people we know the best are ultimately ourselves. Thus, we need only ourselves to understand ourselves. Other people often lead us astray from our personal beliefs and goals. </p>

<p>PLEASE HELP! THANKS!</p>

<p>Really? Confucius gave us that adage? Did he also tell us to “Keep on truckin”?</p>

<p>You have clearly read some SAT prep advice about how to write an essay and you seem to have followed it to the letter. So your essay is now almost identical to about 750,000 others of the 1.5 million that will be written this year.</p>

<p>Your examples each have plenty of potential for you to explore and illuminate your thesis, but you really don’t take advantage of that. Your analysis of the prompt and of your examples is rather shallow. I count two basic ideas: first, only we know our own thoughts and second, others will try to persuade us to follow their opinions. Still, the grammar and sentence structure are competent and the essay would probably score 4 of 6.</p>