so...what do you think of my essay?

<p>essay</p>

<p>I would really appreciate it if someone could give me some input on this practice essay. Thanks!!</p>

<p>Assignment: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>In modern society, individuals rely a great deal on others to understand themselves. Many people constantly seek the approval and affection of others in order to give meaning to their lives. However, other people are not needed for us to understand ourselves. This is evident through an analysis of works of literature, such as Siddhartha and ideas, such as Transcendentalism.</p>

<p>In literature, Herman Hesse's Siddhartha illustrates how an individual does not need others to understand himself. Siddhartha, the main character, grows up in a religious society where he is taught that he needs to perform certain rituals to attain self-understanding, or enlightenment. Siddhartha realizes that this is not true, and he leaves to become an ascetic. However, the ascetics also follow rituals, and he eventually leaves them to live his own life, while his friend, Govinda, becomes a ritual performing monk. After many years of individual contemplation, Siddhartha attains self-understanding (enlightenment) while Govinda the monk does not. This proves that other people are not needed for us to understand ourselves as Siddhartha becomes enlightened without the instruction of others.</p>

<p>Furthermore, the idea of Transcendentalism supports the notion that others are not needed to understand ourselves. This philosophy states taht a spiritual presence transcends all living things and that individuals can understand themselves and nature without the assistance of others. Famous Transcendentalists such as Thoreau and Emerson illustrate this philosophy in works such as Walden. In Walden, Emerson goes into the woods alone for the duration of a year and in that period of time, he wrote a book about his experiences and his new-found understanding of himself and nature. Transcendentalists were also known to seclude themselves from society and live among nature to attain self-understanding. Their effectiveness is illustrated by the long-lasting effect their ideas have had on American society.</p>

<p>Finally, many in today's society define themselves through what others think of them. However, history and literature have shown that the approval of others is simply minutia and that all one needs to understand himself, is simply, himself.</p>

<p>11 </p>

<p>Possibly 12, but I never give 12's because... I just don't like giving 12's...</p>

<p>
[quote]
works of literature, such as Siddhartha

[/quote]

Are you share that counts as literature? It's nearer to religion. Siddhartha was the founder of Buddhism.</p>

<p>
[quote]
After many years of individual contemplation, Siddhartha attains self-understanding (enlightenment) while Govinda the monk does not.

[/quote]

That really is a matter of opinion. Try to keep clear of controversial topics.</p>

<p>I don't find your second example to be very cogent.</p>

<p>But I like your conclusion. ;) </p>

<p>I give your essay a 9, but it could get a 10 even.</p>

<p>MINUTIA! Word of the day, I declare :D</p>

<p>Good essay. Work on the conclusion? "Finally" is really much too overrated. O_o I thinks.</p>

<p>I'd say 10. Your opening and supporting paragraphs were great but your closing lacked the 'kick' that the prior parts had. Expand a bit more in your conclusion by either restating your main points and/or relating it to the world as a whole. Also I agree with ivychan don't use "finally" or "in conclusion" as it shows a lack of thought/command as a writer when it's very clear to me you definitely have good writing skills.</p>

<p>uttaresh, i'm referring to the novel Siddhartha, not the Buddha himself, Siddhartha in the novel is NOT Buddha, the book is fiction written by Herman Hesse</p>

<p>Yeah my AP english teacher told me about the "finally" issue. Its just that under presssure, i don't know what to start off the conclusion with? can someone give me an example? thanks for the input anyway :) apparently you guys think i improved since I got a 9 on the may sat lol</p>

<p>Are you sure about that? Siddhartha was Buddha's name.</p>

<p>Meh, it doesn't make much difference either way.</p>

<p>i'd give it a 10.</p>

<p>your intro and body were great. i give it a 10, however repetitive i sound, because of the conclusion. I'd try to work on the trasitional phrase "Finally". my english II teacher always told me "If you're going to use finally, use it in the body, not the conclusion." it makes it feel like you have more to add to the body.</p>

<p>good transitional phrases for conclusions are: In conclusion, after all, all in all, all things considered, briefly, by and large, in any case, in any event,
in brief, on the whole, in short, in summary, in the final analysis,
in the long run, on balance, to sum up, to summarize</p>

<p>lastly, restate your thesis. i took the act's twice and the quality of my essays were equal because i wrote them almost exactly the same. i gained two points just because i restated my thesis the second time.</p>

<p>hope that helped</p>

<p>p.s.- sat graders may feel differently, though!</p>