grade my essay please

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1

<p>Prompt: Are many leaders necessary for a group of people to function effectively?</p>

<p>In every nation, the superior leader, either a president or a prime minister, seems to be the only one who manages a nation. However, there are always many leaders behind the government event though they don't appear as much as the superior one. Multiple leaders, thus, are essential for a group of people, or a nation, to function effectively. </p>

<p>One man cannot take all responsibility. As many problems arise within a country, one leader cannot handle them at once without a team. This is why we have a government. A government is divided into many departments and a specific man is assigned as a leader to handle specific problems. When economic crisis happens, the leader of economic department takes responsibility. When there are environmental problems, the leader of environmental department comes in. Because many kinds of problems arise at once, many leaders are required to handle each problem effectively. </p>

<p>Many leaders bring diversity. If there is one leader, the country and its problems are viewed and handled by a single method. Diversity, then, is essential in order to manage each problem most effectively. Multiple leaders, each of whom has different perspectives, are able discuss each problem together to find the best solution. In 2011, Thailand faced flooding, which covered many parts of the country. This problem has caused lives as some uneducated people stayed in contaminating water for too long time. Shops, companies, and organizations were closed for several months, causing the economic loss. If there was one leader back then, how could such problems with ripple effects be solved? Many leaders, thus, are so important as they discuss to bring the best solution. </p>

<p>Superior leader merely represents the country and is not essentially the one with most eclectic ideas. Trustworthiness and communication skills are essentially required as they give credence to people to follow willingly. Barack Obama, the president of United States, is so articulate that he gains people's trust to let him and his team leads the country. Let he alone be the leader, the country is not likely to prosper. </p>

<p>Multiple leaders are important for the country to function effectively while the superior leader is merely a representative. Just as human body cannot function properly without organs, the nation could not prosper without a group of these prestigious leaders.</p>

2

<p>I’ve graded a few of your essays and you seem to have plateaued at 4/6. Simply writing more and more essays will not improve your score. You need to (1) improve grammar, (2) understand how to construct an essay.</p>

<p>Don’t write another one until you review those.</p>

3

<p>what are my mistakes here? and how do i improve my writing?</p>

4

<p>I told you. You need to buy an English grammar book and study it; even the grammar section in Barron’s will suffice. After that, search the internet for how to write an essay, which includes writing a clear thesis, developing strong examples that are on point, etc.</p>

5

<p>Thank you midas222 for grading</p>

<p>Okay, You said that i needed to know how to construct an essay. What is wrong with the organization by the way? Every first sentence is topic sentence and my thesis is that many leaders are essential. In every paragraph i elaborated more about my points and then gave examples.<br>
My three points are:

  1. One man cannot take all responsibility.
  2. Multiple leaders bring diversity.
  3. Superior leader is merely a representative.</p>
6

<p>How about this:</p>

<pre><code> Many leaders are not necessary for a group of people to function effectively. When many are in positions of equivalent power and leadership, conflict is greatly probable to erupt and amongst the “leaders” and consequently cause the whole system to fail. An acute analysis of inspirational figures from bygone eras and compelling characters from classic pieces of literature is substantial information and lucid assertion that solitary authority is mandatory for efficiency.
Take into consideration the case of Macbeth from William Shakespeare’s play Macbeth. In the play, Macbeth held two positions of authority of great repute: the Thane of Cawdor and the Thane of Glamis. Nonetheless, he was not satisified and still lusted for more power and eventually murdered King Duncan, thereby obtaining the title as King of Scotland. This rivalry for power amongst the Scottish leaders not only resulted in the deaths of many, including Banquo and Duncan, but also in Scotland’s lost against the war with England. If only King Duncan had held absolute power, such tragic ends would not have occurred. Macbeth is an epitome of the notion that solitary rule is the better alternative.
Another clear evidence is the case of the village’s leaders in The Crucible. There has been an ongoing issue about committing witchcraft in the village, and the village’s leaders were unsuccessful in catching the culprit. Abigail Adams, apparently, was the mastermind behind all this, but her uncle, Reverend Parris, was part of the council, and, because he did not want to bring bad reputation on his family’s name, testified in favor of Abigail. However, Reverend Hale suspected and John Proctor knew that Abigail has committed witchcraft, but because Reverend Parris was in position of authority, they were not able to condemn Abigail, and she soon escaped. Abigail is another clear proof that multiple leaders is not necessary for efficiency.
While it may be true that multiple leaders help diversify responsibilities and tasks, there must be this “one person” who makes all the final decisions. People will always fight to be the sole commanding officer and not listen to others as they believe they are the leaders and others should listen to them. Because of this rivalry, we should not provoke unnecessary conflicts by assigning multiple persons in positions of authority but rather elect one trustworthy and reliable leader to govern the people.
</code></pre>

7

<p>Imprecise language, poor grammar, questionable conclusions.</p>