Score my SAT essay please?

<p>Assignment:
Is a single leader necessary for a group of people to function effectively?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>In order for a group of people to function effectively, I believe we need more than one leader.
This can be proven in the following examples.</p>

<p>A nation is a large group people living in a country submitting to one government. A nation cannot be functioned with just one leader; it needs a group of leaders and assistants to be set under control. It is impossible for the president alone to set the laws, control economical accounts, control the safety of citizens and etc. In order for all the duties of the nation to be carried out, there needs to be more than one leader. This is also one of the major reasons why there are cabinet ministers and policemen in the government. </p>

<p>Mao Zedong was a powerful and wise dictator. The nation of China was under his control. He had the nation properly governed and made sure that the citizens would not find out about other free countries. How did he have the nation within the palm of his hands? The answer is that he had many assisting leaders to help him. The hierarchies worked together really well and therefore made their mission a success. </p>

<p>One may possess a great amount of talent to be responsible for many things, but one is definitely not able to carry the weight of the world upon one’s shoulders without the assistance of others to keep things running under smooth control.</p>

<p>The first one isnt really an example, and both are very generic. And I am not persuaded that you are making a convincing distinction between a leader and an administrator.</p>

<p>In addition to what argbargy said above…</p>

<p>This couldn’t score higher than a three. It’s quite brief, but the real problem is that I could edit this and make it about half as long as it already is without sacrificing ANY content (most of which is lackluster in the first place).</p>

<p>Sorry…</p>

<p>Don’t make the leap from “group of people” to national governments. This almost forces you to write very generically about things you only sort of understand. Stay closer to home. Write about a club, team, church group, even your family. Be as specific as you can.</p>

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<p>That’s how middle-schoolers write. Don’t do it.</p>

<p>You know, looking at this one again I think I like it more than I thought I did. It’s still a three, but there are some positives. </p>

<p>More later.</p>

<p>This would have been more effective had you dedicated separate paragraphs to each of the following:</p>

<p>laws
economics
safety</p>

<p>can u please score my essay i really need as much help as possible when it comes to the sat essay section
ESSAY PROMPT
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment:</p>

<p>Too often, people–especially young people, who may not have settled on a firm identity yet–try to imitate others, because it is easier to do so than to develop their own unique individuality. They focus on trying to imitate what seems attractive or desirable in others. But imitating others is never a good idea: when we imitate others, all we do is harm our ability to develop our own individuality.
ASSIGNMENT: Is imitation of others always harmful? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
my essay
The pressuppostion that imitating others is a vice is a categorical falsehood. Although advocates of imitating other people is a vice might argue and claim that imitating other people makes one lose his own individuality and creativity. These romantic critics are too dogmatic in their provincial idealogy. Imitating others helps one excel in his personality and make it flawless. Two prominent archetypes that prominently exemplify that imitating others is a virtue are: the leaves of time, and America’s founding fathers when drafting the rules of the government.
A paradigm that illustrates that imitating others might be a virtue is Thomas duggen’s leaves of time. Leaves of time is a story of a young teenage that imitates other people because , he thinks that this will make him more affable and social.the story takes place in 21st century America . the young keeps on imitating other people that he eventually devolopes one of the best and eclecting personality. Imitating others gave him the creativity to make his own personality from aglamating all of the personalities of the people he used to imitate. In this story the imitation of others was a vice because it gave the young teen a sense of creativity that he devoided.
Another archetype that prominently exemplifies that imitating other people might be a virtue is the founding of independent United States of America in the late 18th century. When the founding fathers came to found the government of the united states , they imitated many other governments in numerous ways ; they studied all the governments of the world and chose the best aspects of the governments and merged them together to make one of the best and strongest governments around now, so in this case imitation was a virtue not a vice.
The notion that imitation of others is a vice is a fallacy that will often end in fallure. It is only by imitating others that we devolop a sense of individuality that will mak our society achieve hapiness and excel</p>