Grade my essay please

<p>Prompt:
Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Competition resonates through society with an unrelenting cacophony. Despite the best efforts of some to emphasize doing one's best, it often seems that the "best" a person can do simply is not enough. In the end, intense competition remains vital for people to even taste success, in all of its wild stupor. </p>

<p>America was built upon the institutions of freedom and equality; yet in the late 1800s and early 1900s, there was nothing free or equal about the nation's system of labor. A very small number of individuals, known as "robber barons," became extravagantly wealthy as a result of cutthroat business practices- often at the expense of their workers. Andrew Carnegie became one of the single most opulent men in the world due to his triumphs in the steel industry; he believed that doctrine of Social Darwinism was a proper way to justify his actions in the business. The doctrine stated that in regards to industry, circumstances were not much different from the life of an animal in the wild. It came down to "survival of the fittest," and Carnegie was willing to do absolutely anything to prove that he was the fittest. Today, historians agree that without such competition or intensity in the industries of early America, Carnegie would never have become the magnate that he was. </p>

<p>Just as men like Andrew Carnegie relied on fierce competition for their success, so do nations. In the aftermath of World War II, both the United States and the Soviet Union emerged as world superpowers. The differences in their beliefs- democracy and communism, respectively- incited more than almost 50 years of a pseudo-conflict, known as the Cold War. When the Soviets launched their first satellite, Sputnik, into orbit, the United States became motivated to come out as the superior nation. The space race ensued, and by 1969, America had successfully landed a man on the moon before the Soviets. In a more sinister side of things, an arms race also brought about competition. With America spearheading the Manhattan Project during World War II and eventually unleashing nuclear weaponry upon Japan, the Soviet Union felt compelled to develop nuclear weapons of their own. During the Cold War, both the United States and the Soviet Union amassed hundreds upon hundreds of nuclear weapons. Regardless of the weapons' destructive potentials, it can not be denied that the competition between these two nations brought about great amounts of progress- and with it, success. </p>

<p>In a perfect world, man would not need to compete in order to prove greatness. All in unison, the people of the world would be equally great and accomplish incredible things. Unfortunately, the world in which we live in is not perfect, and competition is inherent in human nature. Success is not achieved by losers or those who stand by doing nothing- it is achieved by those who work for glory. After all- history books are written by the victors- the ones who dominated and conquered.</p>

<hr>

<p>This was from a practice test taken from the online SAT course. The automated grader gave it a 12 total, but I don't trust it... I'd rather get actual eyes to read it. I'm hoping for at least a 10 ;_;</p>

<p>Single bump :3</p>

<p>i like ur essay bro!</p>

<p>Don’t trust essay software!</p>

<p>This is a four. (Two fours obviously equal eight.)</p>

<p>You’ve given a history lesson—a list of facts without a lot of analysis.</p>

<p>Generally, your writing is strong despite a few weird word choices.</p>

<p>Shoot me a private message if you’d like to know more. It’s getting late here and there’s no guarantee you’ll even read what I’ve already written.</p>

<p>Well… That is decidedly disappointing.</p>

<p>You need not be “decidedly [disappointed].”</p>

<p>Just provide fewer facts and go a little deeper in your analysis of each.</p>