Grade my essay

<p>Prompt</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>While some people promote competition as the only way to achieve success, others emphasize the power of cooperation. Intense rivalry at work or play or engaging in competition involving ideas or skills may indeed drive people either to avoid failure or to achieve important victories. In a complex world, however, cooperation is much more likely to produce significant, lasting accomplishments. </p>

<p>Assignment:</p>

<p>Do people achieve more success by cooperation than by competition? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay</p>

<p>I have at least three reasons to say, that nothing helps to achieve success more than competition.
First, the competition is the reason free market economy is so effective. People or firms compete, and in order to win, they have to be better. They must develop themselves. This is one of the reasons, the United States has the biggest and best developed economy in the world. So, competition leads to development.
Cooperation, on the other hand, tend to lead to stagnation or regress. In politics it can be autocracy and one-party parliament, in business - to monopolies, high prices and low quality. The first is illustrated by the USSR, where the Communist Party could do whatever it wanted without opposition; the second - by the John Rockefeller's Standard Oil, managing to keep prices high and wages low. So, both in business and in politics, the competition is preferable to cooperation.
Finally, nothing inspires us more, than the will to be better than others. All people love to win. They improve themselves because of it. We want to get better education, to find better job - all this to live better than others. Our life is full of competition, and this is what makes it so interesting.
Based on all this, I can conclude, the competition is better than cooperation. Without it the world would be much worse.</p>

<p>5/12</p>

<p>10char</p>

<p>Can you give some advises?</p>

<p>5/12 or 6/12…advice? Yeah, it’s dull (to be frank). You need a hook instead of just your thesis as the intro. Lead into the thesis. Conclusion is just as bad. Try to be more expressive, beyond 1 or 2 sentences. Also, there seems to be a lot of repitition in your phrases. Also this essay shows your mind/thoughts are narrow and that you don’t really know much about the world except politics/economy. Try to use examples from books, personal experiences (even if you have to make one up to prove the point), pop culture. Best of luck!</p>