Grade my essay please

<p>"Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?"</p>

<p>No one has exceled in an area without being pushed to the limits. Adversity is critical to the discovery of one's own identity.</p>

<p>In Fahrenheit 451, Guy Montag lives a monotonous life by simply following the dystopian society's rules: Books were not allowed, and firemen started fires rather than putting them out. After a character makes him ponder his own life, Guy Montag begins a mission to break out of the society, to find his true self. He faces ridicule from his wife and persecution from his co-workers, but this adversity makes him stronger in his attempt to break out of the mold. If Guy Montag had simply lived within the ease of his life, he would have never found his true self, or the value of the things around him.</p>

<p>Much like Guy Montag, I have faced adversity in order to discover more about myself. Playing basketball, I needed other players around me to give me motivation. The one person who always made more free throws or always played better defense, that person made me work harder and discover more about myself. A more well-known example would be Michael Jordan. In his freshman year of high school, he was cut from the basketball team. This adversity made him work harder than ever; and eventually he became one of the best players of all time. Because of the adversity of being cut, Michael Jordan reflected on himself and improved as a player.</p>

<p>Referring back to the 1st century, Christians were starting to become heavily persecuted. They were being tortured and burned at the stake, ridiculed for believing in such a religion. The early Christians though, used this persecution for good. As a result, their faith became stronger and more people converted. They were forced to reevaluate themselves and therefore increase in their faith because of the adversity.</p>

<p>Anyone can live an easy life free of adversity; but one can argue that those people are not really living at all. Adversity is necessary because it forces us to reflect on ourselves and discover a little more about ourselves.</p>

<p>Score: 10
Nice examples. You just need more vocab and more sentences in the conc. and intro. Also, don’t vacillate between examples like in paragraph 2. Instead of mentioning yourself, go straight to the example of Michael Jordan. Also, explain what ‘good’ the Christians did to cause more people to convert. You can def get a 12. Just work at it. Good luck</p>

<p>Thank you for the feedback I really appreciate it.</p>

<p>@Hawkace
what did you get on the March SATs?</p>

<p>@Vpatwardhan Pretty mediocre. 2070. First time though. </p>

<p>@hawkace Beat me by 10 haha</p>