Can you please score my essay? Thanks,

Test Preparation
1

<p>Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?
People need adversity to help discover who they are. By facing and working through challenges, people can self examine ourselves and our values. Plays like Much Ado About Nothing, books like To Kill a Mockingbird, and historical events like the American Revolution all demonstrate how adversity is needed for people to discover who they are and what they care about. </p>

<p>An example is a play by Shakespeare called Much Ado About Nothing. It is a comedy following two couples who just can’t seem to be together without creating drama. The prince of the land, Don Pedro, fought his brother, Don John, in the recent war. Don John is a bastard brother who wanted the crown. Don Pedro won and forgave his brother. Claudio is a warrior who fought in the war and is recognized by the land for his bravery. They stop at the city to rest. The warrior in the play is named Claudio he is in love with the mayor’s daughter named Hero. Don John wants to destroy the happiness of Claudio and Hero. He convinces Claudio that Hero is cheating on him after Claudio asks her to marry him. Claudio is outraged and yells at Hero humiliating her at the alter. After realizing she is innocent, the monk and her father stage her death. Claudio is heartbroken and remorseful after he believes he caused Hero’s death. He faced the adversity of her death and realized he truly loved her. Later, it is revealed that Hero is alive and they marry. Claudio faced adversity when he found out that heo was innocent and dead. He realized that he loved her through his self examination of his conscious. Claudio becamef aware of his feelings for Hero through adversity.</p>

<p>Another example is To Kill a Mockingbird. It is staged in the American south during that 1930’s when racism was rampant. Jem is Atticus’s son. Atticus is a lawyer for an African American man, Tom Robinson, who has been accused of rape. It is obvious to the reader that Tom is innocent. However, racism is a key factor is his conviction. Jem realizes that unfairness of the situation and becomes a better man. Jem realizes that people can be insolent. By facing adversity, Jem becomes a better boy and fully embraces his future goals. Adversity, helped Jem discover what he really wanted in life. </p>

<p>A final example is the American Revolution. The thirteen American Colonies fought the British in a fight for their freedom. The colonies won and formed the first successful Democratic Republic. The founding fathers of America faced adversity and won. During this time, the British were the most powerful nation on the earth. However the colonies faced them and won. They fought for their freedom and realized that they didn’t want a king or any form of repressive governments. This mindset gave way to one of the greatest nations on this earth. Without facing the British and fighting for their freedom, the early americans would not have crealized how important freedom truly is. By fighting for freedom, the concept of freedom was the foundation for the new country. This demonstrated the need for adversity over ease because important values may have been forgotten.</p>

<p>These examples clearly support the fact that adversity is needed for people to recognize what is truly important. In To Kill A Mockingbird, Jem finds his values through the adversity of racism. In the American Revolution, the colonists recognized that they truly believed to be important when forming the United States. Adversity is needed for people to discover who they truly are and what they care about.</p>

2

<p>didn’t go beyond first para.</p>

<ul>
<li><p>Is the whole example of Much Ado About Nothing?? I couldn’t see how it relates to the topic on hand. </p></li>
<li><p>Don’t use words like ■■■■■■■.</p></li>
<li><p>Who are the couples that you talk about in the starting??</p></li>
<li><p>Question is “How adversities are a better teacher than easy challenges” !st para does not touch the topic.</p></li>
<li><p>Why is the para in present tense?</p></li>
</ul>

3

<p>This reads like a very, very early draft.</p>

<p>Did you choose these three examples or where they given to you? I ask because I don’t see how they tie together. If you chose them, you might want to rethink your choice. The examples you cite don’t answer the question. </p>

<p>Now for some more specific points:</p>

<ul>
<li><p>way too much time describing storyline for MUCH ADO. Don’t bore the reader with information they don’t need. Pull out the characters you will be referencing and explain how he/she learned from adversity. </p></li>
<li><p>what adversity did Jem encounter? Learning that people are overbearing is hardly an adversity.</p></li>
<li><p>your closing paragraph should tie together the different points made during the essay. You don’t mention MUCH ADO and its absence in the closing paragraph is striking. You don’t want someone reading it and thinking “wait, what’s missing?” If they are stuck on mechanics, they can’t appreciate the writing. </p></li>
<li><p>always spell check, grammar check, read it backwards (I know it sounds stupid but you will catch tricky typos that way) and read it aloud. “Self examine ourselves” would have jumped out as needing an edit.</p></li>
</ul>