grade my essay please

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1

<p>prompt:Is it best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are?
atachment:People use the term "wisdom" to mean many things. They describe someone as wise if that person is intelligent, well-informed, or capable of making good decisions. These descriptions, however, are not really useful in distinguishing wise people from unwise ones. Happiness is a better measure of wisdom: a wise person is a happy person. Even the most intelligent people should not be called wise if they are not happy. </p>

<p>essay:
When a person is asked to define "wisdom" he or she will, probably, relate wisdom to intellect. In most peoples opinions, the more you know, the wiser you are. In my opinion, however, this assumption is wrong. I think that a wise person is a happy person, because he or she are able to feel good with what they manage to accomplish. Through out history there are many examples of very intelligent peoples, who were extremely depressed. </p>

<p>Intelligent persons tend to have great ambitions. Their drive for success causes them to work hard to meet their ambitions.
Yet in many cases, even when they do manage to accomplish one of their dreams, their motivations to accomplish even greater dreams disable their ability to enjoy what they have already accomplished. Thomas Edison is a great example of a person, who wasn't able to feel happy of his accomplishments, because of his ambitions. Edison was a great inventor, many say that he his probably the greatest inventor of all times. Many inventions such as the light bulb, telegrapher and the Carbon telephone transmitter are related to him. Overall Edison holds more than 1000 patents at the US patents office. Edison was a very intelligent person, who managed by his work to change the lives of billions of peoples till this day. However, Edison was extremely depressed because he could never enjoy his accomplishments, and always chased a new dream as soon as he made one dream come true. In my opinion if Edison was truly a wise person he would had been able to feel happy about his accomplishments, before he would had try to chase more accomplishments. </p>

<p>In the other hand, we can find people, who by any standards are not intelligent, and yet are very happy. A lot of times those people dont have big ambitions, therefore they are able to enjoy and feel happy with what they have. When I think of a not intelligent person who is happy, my uncle comes in mind. My uncle is 80 years old, hes been a carpenter for most of his life. When he was 16 years old my uncle dropped out of school and started to work at a local carpentry shop. My uncle never attended university and his general knowledge is very limited. However, my uncle is the happiest person I know, because he loves his job and his family. In my eyes my uncle is a wise person because, unlike Tomas Edison, my uncle is able to enjoy his life, despite his humble achievements.</p>

<p>To conclude, I think that true wisdom is linked to the ability of person to feel happy about his life, no matter how intelligent he or she is. Tomas Edison, and my uncle are two great examples of how intelligent a person is, does not necessarily guarantees happiness, or in other worlds, true wisdom.</p>

2

<p>Here’s my take:</p>

<p>Thesis: 3/6. It’s kind of confusing which part of your opening paragraph is what you are supporting - make it more clear. You try to distinguish between intelligence and wisdom, and then claim wise people are happy. Then you say there are (many) examples of people who were intelligent but depressed. Which statement are you trying to prove, or both, or…?</p>

<p>Choice of examples: 2/6 Your examples are ok, but they probably aren’t the best you could have used. You could definitely at least bring up some more people who were “depressed but intelligent” or “not intelligent but happy”, even if just in passing. Your example with Edison is mostly lacking because most of the paragraph is spent showing how Edison was intelligent - not enough analysis.
Overall, I just don’t really get what you’re trying to do with the intelligence versus wisdom argument - in the original prompt, it asks you to judge “how wise people are by how intelligent they are”. I don’t see how intelligence relates - if a reader got really confused, this might even score you a zero. </p>

<p>Diction: 2. Be careful about your spelling. You could use a greater variety of words and “bigger” words. </p>

<p>Grammar: 2. I’m going to put it bluntly: There are many errors here which make your essay hard to read and confuse the point you are trying to make. Work on your grammar and that will clear up a lot of the issues mentioned previously</p>

<p>Overall: 4/12. Overall I’d say work on your grammar and diction issues first. They should be relatively easy to fix and will help your reader immensely. Don’t take this score too much to heart - I’m just some dude on the internet :3. Keep your head up, work hard, and you will improve. :)</p>