Hey guys, I took the November SAT and got a 9 on my essay which is weird because I’m usually a great writer, but I ran out of time near the end so my conclusion was pretty bad and I didn’t get to go back and add more details like I wanted to do. Anyway, if a few people could give me criticism on this essay, that would be great. Thanks 
Prompt: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?
Through others, we become ourselves. Throughout the countless amount of times one socially interacts with people during one’s lifetime, one subliminally gains knowledge, wisdom, and self-understanding, whether it be through political movements, religion, or just understanding those you help.
As we speak, the United States is undergoing many revolutions; one I’d like to highlight is the feminist movement. As feminists fight for equal rights such as closing the wage gap and ending rape culture, it really opens up peoples’ eyes. Personally, once the movement started gaining traction, I become interested and began my research on these topics. I discovered the unfair treatment women face on a daily basis that I never even realized. Now, my friends know me as the girl who is always speaking out against injustice. Through these outspoken feminists, I became a feminist myself, and it shaped a large part of who I am today.
On the other, less political hand, there are tons of things people are passionate about that change their lives. My father, who was never really interested in religion when he was growing up, invested himself in it as an adult. After going to the synagogue once and hearing the rabbi speak, he realized that was what he needed in his life. He is now one of the most religious people I know. He prays everyday and goes to temple every week. I believe that would have never happened if the rabbi’s words had not touched his soul so deeply and changed his perspective on almost everything.
Different people are passionate about different things. A friend of mine volunteers every weekend at the local soup kitchen and swears that her experience has really changed her life. By interacting with the homeless and less financially stable people on a normal basis, she realized that they are not just burdens who can’t do anything right, which is what you would think if you had a very suburban, privileged, upper-class mindset like she did. They are real people with real families who deserve the same treatment as everybody else. Through these weekly interactions with these homeless people, she has not only became kinder but also more self-aware of the world outside her little bubble.
Whether you are volunteering, starting a movement, or praying, you don’t exactly have to be passionate about something in order to change someone else’s life. Even if you are just speaking to a friend, you pass along what you’ve learned, and help someone else understand themselves. I think that we often forget that and use our words for no good; we can all learn to speak with more importance.
I know they’re all personal examples but I felt like this was a pretty personal topic. Thoughts?