UC Prompt #2 question?

So I kind of just spit out an essay after putting this off for months. I was wondering if any of you were willing to read it and give me some feedback. It’s the first draft and a lot less professional sounding that my essay for the first prompt btw. Thank you in advance for all who help (: I’ve posted it below.

The trait people most expressed (?) about me is my objective attitude and desire for truth. This is a quality I never fully understood about myself until I was exposed to the political, religious, and philosophical beliefs of people outside of my closed-system upon entering the later stages of my high school career. Because of my genuine curiosity, I sought to learn what other people learned and see things through as many lenses as possible—the subjective nature of some of our truths has always fascinated me. Although I come from a conservative Christian family and school, my beliefs never blindly reflected the beliefs of those around me. I absorbed the information and thought everything through until a was certain. I honestly think I overanalyze things to a fault, but I’ve grown to prefer this habit over blindly swallowing what I’m fed. My determination to seek as many different opinions as possible has led me to some strange places, granted, but I appreciate every experience I’ve had because of it. For example, I once explored a Unitarian church in Oakland, and as the mass began, the congregation started singing John Lennon’s “Imagine” while a girl next to me wept. In another instance, I met a homeless Mormon woman on the outskirts of Temple Square in Utah and we discussed her favorite foods as well as her views on the afterlife. Had I shared the sometimes radical or dogmatic ideologies as some of those around me, I would never have had the courage to experience life with the aforementioned people.
My habit of being stubbornly unbiased has played out in my personal relationships as well. At times when I am sought after for advice, my friends think I am playing devil’s advocate for the sake of being contrarian, but that could not be more inaccurate. Being unbiased is what I find to be an effective way to understand circumstances. I believe that staying open to any possibility as long as you’re willing to critically think about said possibility is important. That’s not to say I do not have strong opinions, however. Through my experiences, I’ve developed some concrete philosophical and political ideas, but they are not totally immovable. We are given a great responsibility as people to create our meaning through our search for truth and I think that in being able to objectively examine everything I experience, I have added a component to my personhood that will never go away. I Have grown to be a stubborn, curly-haired Cuban/Peruvian young woman who loves Kurt Vonnegut and mozzarella cheese, who also is objective and analytical.

The ending sucks, I know. Cut me some slack, I’ve been sitting here for the last half hour just typing out my life story lol

You should not put your essay online where it might be plagerized. That being said. I think your concept is very good. But, I am sure you have heard many people say, you should show not tell. I think this essay would be much stronger if you took one if your examples (the woman weeping in the Unitarian Church or the homeless woman) and opened with a naritive. I would love to be a fly on the wall, listening to your conversation with the homeless woman or hearing a conversation you had in the Unitarian Church. Just an idea.

Okay, thank you!