<p>I suck at essay writing on the spot because I can't think of examples and just pull random scenarios out of my butt.. </p>
<p>All constructive criticism is welcome!! Be completely honest :)</p>
<p>I tried to transcribe it as accurately as possible.
This essay filled the whole two pages, down to the last line.
blue phrases are ones that I crossed out
red phrases are ones that I added in with a ^</p>
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<p>Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one's thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.</p>
<p>Prompt: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?</p>
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<p>In today's society, people are becoming too open about their lives; they should make an effort to keep some aspects of their lives private. Although honesty as its place, not everything in one's life must be revealed to others. What would life be like with no secrets?
Certain information should never be given to others. With the current generation completely submerged in technology communication through technology, it has become easier and more convenient to share parts of our lives with the public our friends. Although this may be beneficial in some cases, it can cause havoc in other cases. For example, the popular social networking site Myspace attracts the attention from millions a variety of ages. It allows users to post pictures, give updates on their lives, and view other users' profiles. A teacher from Minnesota posted uploaded a few pictures from a drunken night onto Myspace. When the school she worked for discovered these inappropriate photos, this teacher was immediately fired. Just by sharing a few photos with the people on the Internet, and this woman will m most likely will never be able to work as a teacher again.
When communicating with others, it is never a good thing to give out private information such as your financial business or identity information. In John Mannero's autobiography, "S.C.A.M.," he shared information about his banking details willingly to some of his apparent friends at the time. They turned out to be scam con artists looking to make fast cash by scamming people. John Mannero lost many a lot of money by being to open to with his buddies.
From personal experience, I know that it is not needed / I don't it isn't in my best interest to share everything going on in my life that I feel about others. This can damage relationships. I lost a friend, named Rachel, because I had revealed to another friend, named Jill, that I hated Rachel. At the time, we were having a rift and I did not actually hate her. But when I told my friend, the damage was done. This so-called "friend" gossiped with everyone and I ultimately did not resolve it with Rachel. This experience taught me that I don't need to share everything that I think with others, even if they are my friends. Sometimes one's feelings about a subject is not just temporary.
I have learned through both other people's experiences and my own, that while it is good to share some information with others, not everything should be talked about. To be honest, you do not have to express everything that occurs in your life. Some actions and feelings are better left to share with only keep to yourself.</p>
<p>Typo in the first paragraph, second sentence: honesty <em>has</em> its place. Third paragraph, last sentence: being <em>too</em> open. Bonus points for "other users' profiles," though. </p>
<p>I wouldn't go with the "never" in the second and third paragraphs. There's a big difference between a teacher from Minnesota who uploaded inappropriate pictures to MySpace and showing them to a small group of friends who has met in a restaurant. Her mistake was not showing them to others, but showing them to pretty much anyone who cared enough to find them. Similarly, you may want to turn over all your financial information to the person you are getting ready to marry. In fact, you yourself seem to back off those nevers in your conclusions.</p>
<p>I'd skip the "named" when you are naming Rachel. "I lost my friend, Rachel, because ...." I'm not sure whether I agree with you that only one friend needs to be named. Probably, but I wouldn't describe her twice so closely. Maybe "But when I told my 'friend,' she gossiped with everyone and the damage was done"? You don't need the bit about not resolving it with Rachel, because you've already told us that you lost her as a friend.</p>
<p>Yeah I accidentally typed "as" and couldn't edit it.
And yeah, the naming one friend was awkward, but the two "friends" were too close that it would cause confusion if I didn't name at least one of them. </p>
<p>Thanks for your criticism, I was really giving up hope on anyone replying. Just wondering, what score would you give me out of 12? Thank you, again!</p>
<p>I'm enough older than you (in university terms, "nontraditional" means "old" :) ) that I've never taken the CR test and I don't know how it's graded. I'm not at all sure that I can give you a number that means anything.</p>
<p>I have graded (college -- and in a school where the background was pretty much private school or very well-funded public school and access to tutoring, etc.) freshmen on critical evaluation papers (but not for a writing-intensive course where we focused on the skills of writing), and there you would definitely lose points for saying "never" when I don't think you meant it. That said, I do think I was able to grasp the argument you were trying to make and I thought it was a good argument, and the argument was what we would really be after. On a 12-point scale you'd probably have ended up in any of my classes with an 11, although there are some profs I worked for who'd have said that since it was clear in context what you meant to say you should get a 12.</p>
<p>Whoa.. for real? :O
I would have given myself an 8, at the most. I seriously just put a bunch of crap together.</p>
<p>But, of course as you said, you don't know for sure how the SAT readers grade.. if anyone really even does. So thanks again! You helped a lot :)</p>
<p>I just wanted to see if I could get an estimation for the score, since this essay is for a practice test.</p>
<p>Probably an 11 or 12. You could have thrown some more advanced words in there and elaborated your prongs in the thesis, but overall the SAT essay is extremely easy to get a 12 on, and I think this essay has what is takes. Good luck!</p>
<p>10/11. Your command of the language is very good, enough to automatically get you a 10. but there's just something missing from it that I can't quite pinpoint.</p>
<p>Hey, thanks a lot guys! I thought that I absolutely FAILED at SAT essays... apparently not? Thanks everyone, the CC forum is awesome!</p>
<p>Now I just have to get all three of my sections up...
I got a 1950 on this practice test (my third one...), so I went up 150.. YAY haha
M:650
CR:630
W:670 (with the 11 essay)</p>
<p>Just wondering, what is a good enough SAT score for Stanford/UCLA/UC Berkeley level if you take it at the end of your sophomore year?</p>
<p>mulberrypie, as a person critiquing the essay, I feel it would deserve an 8 as mentioned before. Although not always true, the "traditional" approach to a 10+ essay would be to write the max two pages (which you did), include your three reasons which you expand upon in the paragraphs. Therefore your intro could have gone something like this:
In today's society, people are becoming too open about their lives; they should make an effort to keep some aspects of their lives private. Although honesty (h)as its place, not everything in one's life must be revealed to others. //For example, the prominent social networking site Myspace, John Mannero's autobiography, "S.C.A.M.," and a situation from personal experience, bolster my thesis that people should make an effort to keep some aspects of their lives private. After all, what would life be like with no secrets?</p>
<p>It is not great but you get the general idea. Also, try to avoid using personal examples as much as you can. It does not work for the SAT, which is one of the reasons it would have probably received an 8 (the example of the autobiography was good though) The SAT likes using examples from history, sciences etc this would really improve your essay. If I took a stance against it, I would have used examples such as the Watergate Scandal, or chinas censorship etc But hey, your language is good, throw in a few good words in there and practice writing essays, and you will find your self scoring 10+ on the essays! Hope it helped.</p>
<p>Wow, thanks for pointing that out.. I can't believe I forgot to mention the examples in the intro.</p>
<p>Yeah, the thing is it's difficult for me to think up of historical events, etc. from the top of my head. Since I'm taking World History next year, I'm sure it'll get easier. :)</p>
<p>Thanks again for the critique, I really appreciate it.</p>