Grade my Essay, Please

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Topic: Do people accomplish mroe when they allowed to do things their own way?</p>

<p>Everyone has his own ways of doing things, and sometimes, it is much better ot let him go his own way. The "universal" ways may not work for everyone; moreover, these "universal conventions" might even hinther a person's ability to learn.</p>

<p>For example, I remember a boy in middle school, who ever took any notes durig the history teacher's many lengthy lectures. While everyone around him was diligently recording the words of the teacher, he simply sat in his desk and played with his pen. Everyone thought he would fail the upcoming test since he did not write down a single letter about the lesson. "What would he study from?" we all asked. However, to our surprise, when the test scores came back, the boy scored just as high as the people who assiduously wrote down every word of the teacher. The boy apparently has his own way of learning that functions perfectly for him. Everyone can accomplish more when he does things his way. </p>

<p>Moreover,James Watson discovers the structire of DNA not through the conventional "scientific method," but through his own way of arguments. The colleagues of James Watson often complained about Watson's idleness at work. INstead of doing lap experiments in a lab coat, Watson louged aroud and argued about problems. However, surprisingly, Watson was able to uncover one of the greatest mystery of life, the structure of DNA, through his seemingly pointless arguments. There is no single way to solve problems and people can always discover their own way to solve problems successfully. </p>

<p>Finally, I even had personal experience with accomplishing more through my own way. Ever since I started to study for the SAT, I have beenr eading SAT strategy books and trying to improve my score through the "McGrall Hill's five steps to success on the critical reading section." However, the mroe I attempt to use the method, the more I disagree with it. The steps seemed superfluous and pointless to me. In the end, I gave up on the many strategies and decided to find my own approach to the SAT problems. To my surprise, after a few trial and errors, I came up with "My Five Step to the Critical Reading" that worked better than all the other strategies combined!</p>

<p>Personal ways are always better than conventional ones. Everyone can accomplish more if he or she take the time to discover his or her personal way.</p>

<p>Side Note: The James Watson example was given to me in the little box above the assignment.</p>

2

<p>well, i would give ur essay a 4, at most. i mean i am not an essay grader, but i have two reasons for the mediocre score: first u seem to use a lot of words, just because they sound good, and not because they fit. and second: u only use examples from ur experience and the one that was given in the assignment, which shows poor imagination when it comes to examples.
so on the actual day, ur really should try not to use too artsy phrases. it makes ur essay sound weird and as if you were trying too hard… good luck!!</p>

3

<p>I would give this a 3 because your examples are not strong enough. The James Watson one is okay but if it is given in the little box YOU CANNOT USE IT IN YOUR ESSAY NO MATTER WHAT. The words you use do not blend well with what you write and some of your mistakes seem more than typos (like “hinther”). Honestly, if you posted this without reading it over, you should expect people to comment on that. Also, your last example… think of something better!</p>

4

<p>I disagree with austriangirl’s contention that your writing is artsy. The words you use are good, but It simply needs to be a bit more direct and your tenses should match.</p>

<p>And your last paragraph about your SAT training should be avoided. Readers generally don’t like hearing about studying for the SAT.</p>

5

<p>(Thanks for the opinions. Here is another one. I hand wrote this one first and then typed it. I kept all the mistakes I made while writing.)</p>

<p>The question, “Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?”, suggests that people are too open about their thoughts. In other words, people think hat honesty requires them ot express every inclination. Howeve,r the turh is that people should keep their thoughts to themselves because being too open about their thoughts can bring misfortune. Examples of people facing persecution due to being too frank about their thoughts can be seen in the life of Henry David Thoreau, Martin Luther, and Martin Luther King, Jr. </p>

<p>First, Henry David Thoreau’s open opposition to the governemnt and the war ended him in jail. The US of Thoreau’s time was fiercely “robbing” the Mexican’s land. Thoreau, indignant to US"s unjest war and barbarianism, refused to pay taxes to support the wat and spoke out against the unjust war. As a result, Thoreau was thrown in jail. His honesty about his thoughts has brought him imprisonment.</p>

<p>Second, Martion Luther’s frank statement of his views of the Bible lead him to a life of exile. During Luther’s time, the Catholic church was the only one that was allowed to read and interpret the Bible. Luther, however, protested against this policy and declared that all should be able to read the Bible and interpret it for themselves. Because of his open opposition against the Catholic CHurch, Luther was permanently exiled from his home country. People are better off holding their tougue about their opinions. </p>

<p>Finally, Martion Luther King, Hr’s bold statements against slavery earned him a bullet to the head. In King’s time, the African Americans faced severe prejudice and segregation in American society. Discontent about the African American’s situation, King lead the Civil rights movement to change the position of African Americans. Unfortunately, his frankness about the “Negro Situation” bought him a bullet before it bought the African American freedom. King was murdered for his expression of his genuine opinions.</p>

<p>As shown by above examples, peole are often presecuted for being honest about their thoughts. Honest expressions brought Thoreau’s imprisonment, Luther’s exilement, and King’s death. Keeping one’s thoughts private can save happiness and lives.</p>

6

<p>bump…bump…bump</p>

7

<p>To be frank…
3 for the first one. Good amount of vocabulary words (assiduously & superfluous,) but I counted 20 errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation. You also need a thesis statement in there as it is the core to the entire paper.</p>

<p>The next one I’d still probably say a 3. Good form (and a thesis statement :slight_smile: but theres a lack of vocabulary and development on the subject. </p>

<p>If you have the time to get the development in the first essay with the form of the second (and cut down on a few errors,) you’ll be scoring more in the 4-5 range :)</p>

8

<p>I don’t know about SAT graders not wanting to hear about SAT prep, but for the first essay, I do like your third example the most out of the three you gave, simply because it sounded the most convincing and flowed more smoothly. I kind of disagree with PickledCookie that the second essay lacks “vocabulary”: SAT words are good only when you fit them in at the right time under the right context - I don’t know, I don’t grade the SAT essay. But yes, for both of these essay you can definitely develop your point a little more.</p>

<p>your essays will earn more than a three… maybe between a four and a five, especially the second one.</p>

9

<p>You have to lead your points back to your prompt. </p>

<p>Language is tricky. The words and syntax build upon commonalities in the experiences that the speakers share. Given that, and the fact that no two people will ever be subjected to the same experience, interpretations of speech and writing are often contextual. Therefore, during the course of a discussion, or of a similar nature, the course of leading a point, any leaps and/or assumptions that the author/speaker makes will be subjected to a variety of different interpretations that may ultimately undermine the very point that the author/speaker intends to make. </p>

<p>At the same time, common sense tells us that we can’t prepare for every little interpretative disaster that may come our way, therefore we have to compromise between being too detailed and verbose and being too brief and shallow.</p>

<p>You do not have to worry about being too verbose, however you do need to develop your points much more extensively. The ultimate goal of each of the points that you make is to, in one way or another, justify or support your assertion on the prompt. Never assume that the readers will make the same connections as you have; never leave a contention or an example simply leading off to the unknown. Justify everything to the best of your ability (estimate how much commonalities exist between you and the majority of your readers, for example, a common language of English is a good start). And don’t ever use the examples as your justification, but merely as means to justify your assertions. </p>

<p>Oh and one last thing, rigidity destroys both originality and creativity. It’s irrational to assume that the readers of the SAT essays will automatically deduct points from an essay that does not follow the Test-Masters’ style of writing. I had written a philosophical treatise enclosed within two paragraphs for my essay and still received a 12, from which I contended that the graders will joyously embrace any form of deviation from the mundane “standard” that those people at Test-Masters so proudly boasts.</p>

<p>Good Luck with your essays</p>

10

<p>So what examples would one use for these two essay prompts?</p>

<p>failboat: What exactly did you write your “philosophical treatise” about? Could you have done that with any topic or did you just get lucky and have something pop into your mind for that particular topic?</p>