<p>I just took a practice test, and I need to know my essay score. If you could also tell me how to improve, that would be great. :) I know it's not very good. :P</p>
<p>prompt was asking whether we should challenge authority, if we think we know better</p>
<p>While authority is granted for a reason, good or bad, one must think about the consequences when blindly following the edicts of those in charge.
Although the leaders of AIG and the other credit companies knew how to run a company, they may have not run their corporation into the ground if someone had spoken up. Someone, an employee, Politician, Analyst, etc. must have known that loaning money to those that have no means of ever paying it back was an idea that would rock their corporation. If someone had said something to the leaders, then our economy may have not taken the hit that it did.
Throughout history, we have, sometimes blindly, listened to our lawmakers, with terrible consequences. If someone had spoken up to President Bush Sr. about the genocide in Bosnia, he may have been able to turn around and win the election, altering America' future forever. Likewise, if the party leaders had stood up Presidents Bush and Obama about their reckless spending, we may be in economically better shape, with less Chinese involvement.
Concurrent to the events in US history, people throughout the world remained silent, as their leaders hastened their end. If someone had been able to stand up to Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin, millions of people would still be alive, and the world spared one of the most horrific conflicts in human history; the Romans did nothing to stop Nero, and the eternal city burned. If reason had won out in World War II era Japan, they may have been on the winning side, and spared the horrific use of atomic weaponry. Even in religion, this is true. The Popes of the 11th and 12th centuries were left free to conduct crusades, the same with Muslim Imams and Jihad.
To paraphrase a quote from Teddy Roosevelt, authority is like a rifle, it's usefulness is dependent on the character of the user. If authority had been questioned, the world would have less dead and be better off in many ways.</p>
<p>please? I really need this graded.</p>
<p>Is it really that bad?</p>
<p>I’d rate it 5-6 out of 12. Based on this rubric [SAT</a> Writing Section: ESSAY Question: RUBRIC | higher score insight](<a href=“http://www.higherscoreinsight.com/SAT-essay-rubric]SAT”>http://www.higherscoreinsight.com/SAT-essay-rubric). Read all what’s said for a score of 3. </p>
<p>Specifically my criticisms for this essay:
- First sentence is paradoxical. If you are blindly following, you don’t think of the consequences. An elaboration phrase “instead of” is necessary.
- If you only use one sentence to introduce your argument, it had better be beautiful, concise, and eloquently reasoned. If I were you, I’d go for something a little more standard - first sentence to introduce the argument, second to establish the point of views, and the final to clarify your own opinion.
- Introduction to first paragraph is poorly transitioned. The most basic transition would be"One example of a consequence caused by blind following is AIG."
- Your essay isn’t of deep personal concern; you may be better off in third person.
- You need more content and explanation. You’re better off with 3 well explained examples than 10 without deep reasoning(which is what I see here). </p>
<p>Here’s how I would structure your essay without drastically changing your style:</p>
<p>Intro: Authority may hold society together, but the consequences of blind following can be seen all around us.</p>
<p>First paragraph: Take AIG, a company which failed to __<strong><em>. It’s failures led to </em></strong><strong>. It could’ve been prvented if __</strong><strong><em>. This situation is evidence that _</em></strong></p>
<p>Second paragraph: However, AIG is not an isolated case. Examples are everywhere in history. One example is _____. (then repeat the above)</p>
<p>Conclusion: As you can see from the previous two paragraphs, challenging authority is essential because of _____.</p>
<p>Thank you! Could you clarify how you would write your opening, I am not getting it. I am taking the January SAT, what do I need to do to get a 10+?</p>
<p>Well if you ask me, an effective, basic opening should include 3 major elements. As writing is highly subjective, more creative writers can get away with different structures, but I find sticking with the basics the way to start. </p>
<p>You need the following:
- Well, what’s going on?
- What are the opinions about it?
- What’s YOUR opinion about it?</p>
<p>Here’s a clear, albeit slightly uncreative way, to start the essay. </p>
<p>Authority is the backbone of order, an order that has bound society together for centuries. Yet vulnerabilities to this backbone are clear from history to the modern day. Without challenge and reason, authority is easily subject to corruption, a corruption that can eventually unravel order and lead to anarchy. As such, a certain, but limited, freedom to challenge authority is necessary to produce a successful society.</p>
<p>Alright, thanks a bunch! AP Lang should help out a lot.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this a big deal, but:
In the second paragraph, it was probably a mistake to capitalize “Politician” and “Analyst.” Those are common nouns, so they do not require capital letters.</p>