<p>p.s: I realize there are some SEVERE grammar mistakes(i switched TENSE HALFWAY THROUGH THE ESSAY) but please understand that English is my second language! :)</p>
<p>Prompt:What motivates people to change?</p>
<p>Change can be driven by a myriad number of factors; such factors can be external, in terms of the surrounding environment or the people of that said environment. The factors can be also internal in that the individual himself makes the decision to change exclusively out of one's need. In my opinion, I would argue that while the outer forces and the external environments can have a significant influence as to render someone to become a changed individual, an individual is primarily motivated to change from the internal sources within, that individuals change when he or she feels it that the interal struggles concerning one's conscience are too compelling as to change one's deportment and even one's personality.</p>
<p>In the horror novel, Dr. Jackyll and Mr. Hyde, the main character, Jackyll changes into a horrifying, devellish Mr. Hyde, whose countenace can be compared to that of the devil. This change that Jackyll goes through is not merely a physical one- by the end of the novel, it is clear that Jackyll has changed not only physically but psycologically as well, and that more and more part of his good side is being incorporated into his devellish counterpart. For Jackyll, the factors that compelled him to change in such a drastic way weren't external- none of his friends were ever involved in the process and it was solely him who sought change to his physique and psyche, so that his inner struggles with which he had battled all throughout his life could be ended. By drinking the mysterious potion, Jackyll wished that he could isolate his dual personalities, as to settle the never-ending disputes concerning morality between his good and bad sides. The struggles that he had experienced earlier on as a naive teenager continued into his late adult years, and it was more than palpable to him that such battle should be put to an end or else, he willl die a miserable death. Therefore, Jackyll made the decision despite his better conscience and his years of scientific knowledge, to risk his life by drinking that mysterious potion. In the end, Jackyll finds himself that the change has been an irrevocable one and that there is no hope for him to go back to his old, prosaic yet innocent self.</p>
<pre><code>As illustrated by the above example, internal factors, primarily the inner struggles with the self provoked such change to come about in an individual. While an external source can also play a role in terms of motivating people to change, it is clear that the magnitude of change that the inner factors ellicits is prodigious.
</code></pre>
<p>Your 3-paragraph essay won't get you a good score. You need to have at least 4 paragraphs. Also, try using a few vocab words that you are very sure of.
Pardon me, I didn't really read your essay.</p>
<p>myriad means many. by a many number of factors doesn't really make sense. Just be sure u know the words, it'll be worse to try and impress and screw up than if u just used words you are sure of.</p>
<p>Uh i dont know if u wanna say "in my opinion". Just be like, as literature and history shows.......
In my opinion is saying to the reader "i'm not confident in my answer"</p>
<p>I disagree with 3, it starts off strong but you need to make it longer and include more examples to expand on your idea. You cannot start off with "a myriad of factors" (which is the correct way in using myriad, I'm pretty sure) and state only 1 example.</p>
<p>I would say 4-5 if you can include an extra paragraph.</p>
<p>Also, your essay reads like you're using a thesaurus for every other word. Only use words that you are confident in using, if you are doing practice essays don't look up synonyms for words you feel are "bland" (if you aren't doing this then disregard).</p>
<p>
[quote]
the inner factors ellicits is prodigious.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't know how to explain why, but this sounds like really bad diction. I would swap out either ellicits or prodigious for a simpler word (or both).</p>
<p>Overall, you seem like a very good writer to me, especially for someone who doesn't speak english as a first language. Just don't go overboard with the big words and include 1-2 more paragraphs and you should be in good shape.</p>
<p>^ Thank you for your suggestions. I didn't use a thesaurus to write this essay and as a matter of fact, this was one of the first SAT type essays I've written in a long while. The thing is, I know that I'm a pretty decent writer for someone who doesn't speak English as a native language, but when it comes to timed essays, I seem to run out of ideas. Can you suggest me anything that could help me in terms of having enough ideas and examples in my essays? I'll be taking the SAT for the first time this January.</p>
<p>yeah i was harsh. maybe a 4 or 5. good essay. but i hate to say it but SAT essays are somewhat formulaic. u want a short intro, 2-3 strong examples, and a short conclusion.</p>
<p>Try to keep in your mind a list of several examples you feel comfortable using and then change it around abit to fit whatever your prompt is. The SAT like guptasaint mentioned, is extremely formulaic and mechanical, so just keep practicing using generic prompts and bs until you have it done to a science.</p>
<p>Just remember length = higher score, I think they did a study at MIT and found it to be true.</p>
<p>^^no. myriad could be both a noun or an adjective. (merriam-webster online dictionary), although the way that is worded in the essay is a little awkward. I would have just stated "a myriad of factors" or just "numerous factors"</p>