<p>I would expect this to receive around a 9/12. </p>
<p>Your main strength is that this is an extremely long essay for writing by hand for 20 minutes. The essay is choppy at some points, especially in spots where your grammar makes it awkward to read. For instance, the idiomatic phrase for the verb ‘abide’ is ‘abide by’ not ‘abide to.’ Also, I didn’t really feel like your examples were so poignant.</p>