Grade my essay!!!!!!!!!!

[paigedah]

<p>can any of you grade mine?:
Think carefully about the challenging ideas presented in the following quotation:
Margaret Chase Smith states that “Moral cowardice that keeps us from speaking our minds is as dangerous to this
country as irresponsible tasks. The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing for right when it is
unpopular is a true test of moral character.”
Is the right way not always the popular and easy way? Do you agree or disagree that “standing for the right when
it is unpopular is a true test of moral character”? Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from
your readings, experiences or observations.</p>

<p>Doing what is considered to not be the popular choice when you know that it is the right choice is a true test of moral character. Often in life we encounter individuals who put common notions to the test such as Martin luther King who stood up for non-violent protest. The American revolution in which soldiers sought to gain independence shows a true test of moral competence, and also Galileo Galilei who challenged the Catholic church on the assumption that the world was the center of the universe.
During the civil rights era of the U.S. there emerged two groups of activists; those who supported aggression and those who supported peace. Martin luther King was one such leader who believed that Blacks could attain their goals of equality through protest, even despite attacks from such groups as the black panthers who believed that violence was a faster and more effective route. He became a beacon for his community, and continued in his stance, and his "dream" was realised, despite his violent demised.
America became a free and independent nation through the not so easy task of warfare. the articles of the constitution shows America to be a fearless nation. It took on the big enemy- England. Many Americans were against this as they were 'loyalists' and felt that Britain was their true home. Despite this small minority, Americans knew that independence was essential, and went to war in spite of detractors.
Galileo Galilei a 16th century astronomer who believe in copernicus ideas that the Earth revolved around the sun, published his ideas despite a popular belief of otherwise. He was threatened with house arrest and persecution if he continued with his aims, but he would not back down. He may have lived out his last years in confinement, but centuries later he was praised and acknowledged for his strength in the face of adversity and courage for the spread of the truth.
True character prevails in the face of great adversity, Will you be like the fish who swims upstream away from danger, or will you follow the school? will you take up arms for righteousness or fall to pressure? I believe that the most popular choice will appeal to most, and that this is the cause of most societal ills, however, there will always be those upstanding leaders who will emerge and remind us of our true duties.</p>

[fogcity]

<p>It’s a very good essay. You show a clear understanding of the thesis. You make your case convincingly. Your examples are good, and to the point.</p>

<p>My sense is that this essay will get you at score in the 9-11 range.</p>

<p>How might you make it stronger?</p>

<p>(1) Place the Galileo example second rather than third.</p>

<p>(2) Replace the example of “America” and the war for independence by a key personality in the era of the American revolution – perhaps Washington, Jefferson or Adams. In other words, personify the example. You can then make some of the same points as in your current example, but this time in the context of a “person” rather than the more abstract notion of a “Nation”. You can also talk about the “risks” taken by that person. It’s harder to talk about the risks taken by the American colony.</p>

<p>(3) Generalize your introduction to talk about great men who have taken risks etc. By choosing examples from this vantage point (all “people”) you’ll end up with a crisper introduction and conclusion.</p>

<p>I don’t think the handful of writing mechanics/grammar/choice of words issues in your essay would have an effect on the grade. It is a draft and these are to be expected.</p>

[rkanan]

<p>I’ll give you an 9/12. Your range is about 8-10 imo.</p>

<p>Your thesis is weak “Doing what is considered to not be the popular choice when you know that it is the right choice is a true test of moral character”. It is wordy and lacks an explanation. How is it a true test of moral character?</p>

<p>Good and detailed examples, but be careful. Don’t dig in too deep that you forget the point of introducing examples “merely to support your argument”. Any details that do not perform this task should be omitted from your examples paragraph. </p>

<p>Good conclusion, but it doesn’t do much that you have a weak intro. Atm, your conclusion and your introduction do not supplement each other very well. Work on that, and the thesis.</p>