<p>Commercials have always played a cruel trick on people, letting people believe that this product is better or will improve, but really in the end those ads give false hopes to and take advantage of venerable people. The widely held notion that ads actually do help people has been denounced several times before. Yet, taking a study look at the entire issue, I am inclined to believe that ads deceit people on various levels.
Mary Anne, a girl in my classroom, had a tendency to buy a lot of makeup and get into shape, even though she was already thin, however, Mary had a low self esteem issue and always thought that beauty products would array her pain , but in fact , would only make her unhappy and unsatisfied even more. Mary had been cheated and tricked into thinking that these products would actually help her. Mary didnt give up on herself easily; She fought back and protested against ads that depicted unreal situations. After the news about her protesting reached our school board, students and teachers joined in to help Mary Anne achieve her goal.
Richard Hammond, a renowned social activist raised in Seattle, feared the day when ads would get into peoples minds and change their perspective on what is called beauty or better and improved. Richard always condemned these ads because it sent the wrong message towards our youth. In a press conference, Richard said that he will put an end to this non sense once and for all. In the hopes of gaining public support, Richard reached out to the public and warned them about how ads might damage their children. Richard said advertisements try to convince people that when they buy things, they are also buying satisfaction and happiness. Advertisements merely fool people into believing that the next new and improved product will make their lives better, and the result is that people are even unhappy and dissatisfied than they would have been without the advertisements. After saying his thoughts about ads, people supported his cause.</p>
<p>7-8
10char</p>
<p>Guys am sorry but the conclusion was deleted :S so this the only thing left
imagine a good conclusion</p>
<p>Are you a native English speaker? I suspect you are not. You need to read much more in English and find a native speaker to help you with idiom and vocabulary.</p>
<p>That said, I think your examples raise several good points about the effect of advertising on the way people think, but the examples themselves are not convincing as presentations of actual situations. They sound fake, but they are built around good ideas.</p>
<p>Content is better than style. 8</p>
<p>^This looks like a TOEFL prompt. So I’d assume not a native speaker. </p>
<p>Good, well structured and thought out essay, though.</p>
<p>WOW guys am from Chicago.
is it that bad ?</p>
<p>As I mentioned in my PM, I said that looks nonnative because it looks more like a TOEFL prompt than anything else. </p>
<p>Looking again, though, I think a less formal and more fluid writing style would help. Combine sentences more, use idioms, and review your use of the word “deceit” in the last sentence of the first paragraph.</p>
<p>“Commercials have always played a cruel trick on people, letting people believe that this product is “better” or “will improve”, but really in the end those ads give false hopes to and take advantage of venerable people. The widely held notion that ads actually do help people has been denounced several times before. Yet, taking a study look at the entire issue, I am inclined to believe that ads deceit people on various levels.”</p>
<p>“letting people believe” would be acceptable, but ‘leading people to believe’ would be more accurate. Can you see the difference?
“this product” refers to a specific product, which you haven’t specified.
“venerable” should be ‘vulnerable’
"denounced’ can fit, but it really isn’t idiomatic.
“take a study look” is also not idiomatic. Try ‘close look’ or ‘careful look’ or ‘examine’
“ads deceit people” should be ‘deceive people’</p>
<p>These examples are from the first paragraph. There are fewer after these, but they are why I believed you were not a native speaker. They suggest you are not really familiar with the way these words are actually used in American English. There are several other errors in grammar and mechanics. Sentence structure is another problem. A good example is the first sentence of the second paragraph. It runs on and should be at least two if not three separate sentences.</p>
<p>I would score this essay an 8 of 12. According to the College Board, the score means you wrote a ‘competent’ essay, but not an ‘effective’ or ‘outstanding’ one. You made several good points, but there were too many errors in style.</p>
<p>I would give it a 9.</p>