My Essay~

<p>Hi, I'm not a good essay writer (I got an 8 on both my essays for the SAT) so I could use some help! Please grade this essay (on a scale of 12)!</p>

<p>Prompt: Are people overly influenced by unrealistic claims and misleading images?</p>

<pre><code>One dull, lousy night, my dad and I stared at the TV screen, our stomachs growling like taking a bone away from a dog. Then, the commercial screamed "All you can eat! $5!", and there we went. Advertisements, usually misleading, have a profound effect on our decision-making because us frugal people love saving money, especially when the images look like it's heaven.
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<p>When we got to the buffet and proceeded to sit down, the waiter informed us of the mandatory drinks we had to order for this deal. Since it was such a great deal, we didn't think much of it. After getting a few "refills" and receiving the check, we were astounded to see that each "refill" cost the same amount of another drink. And don't forget the 30% added gratuity. We realized how misleading this was, and that nothing is too good to be true. Clearly, unrealistic advertisements are a great idea...for the restaurant owners, that is.</p>

<p>Furthermore, misleading images also play a huge role in advertisement. When a restaurant comes up on TV, they always show their best made and tasty looking meals, which is definitely not the case when served in the restaurant. Also, the hotels/resorts that are made to look like paradise. For example, the clear blue water, personal servants and chefs, etc. Illusions play a major role in our decision-makings, and we still haven't realized that its usually, if not always, too good to be true.</p>

<p>In conclusion, saying that we are just influenced by unrealistic claims is an understatement. And by the way, I am never going back to that buffet.</p>

<p>Bump! Really need tips.</p>

<p>bump…</p>

<p>in the opening you should state your response to the generalized question instead of going right for detail. and after each paragraph you should rephrase your thesis.</p>

<p>also avoid using personal opinion " i will, i want to " even if you are talking about self experince. just tell what you did, how it ended up and conclusion. if you want to reaffirm your point, use “one” instead of “i”</p>

<p>i am not sure if your essay can fill in all 2 pages. if I were you i’d use martin luther king and galileo. there is more to say about those people.</p>