Grade my essay:

<p>My Kaplan instructor gave me a 2 for this essay, which I think clearly deserves a 3 or possibly a 4. I know it's flawed but when compared to sample "score 2" essays, mine is much better.</p>

<p>Blurb:
"People in those old times had convictions; we moderns have only opinions. And it needs more than a mere opinion to erect a Gothie cathedral. Mark this well, you proud men of action: You are nothing but the unwitting agents of the men of thought who often, in quiet self-effacement, mark out most exactly all your doings in advance.</p>

<p>Heinrich Heine, Selected Writings</p>

<p>Prompt:
Is it more important and valuable to acquire knowledge or to take action? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:
It is more important to acquire knowledge than to proceed directly into action. Carelessly going into action is risky and unpredictable. During the Cold War, the United States sent former Cubans to overthrow a government, it was considered by historians, a "complete failure". From my experience in tennis, the only way to to improve is to reflect on past mistakes and think about improvements.
Some may say the quickest way to get something done is by doing it; however, it is not the most efficient way. Though the work starts right away, the end result is not always satisfying.
When the United States sent former Cubans to return and overthrow their own government, the President didn't know the mission was going to be nearly impossible. They were suppressed and executed by a loyal, patriotic army of a million men. Of course the United States did not realize the circumstances until after the battle.
In addition, from my years of playing tennis, I learned that knowledge is the key to becoming a better player. Mindlessly hitting a ball back and forth yields no value. I needed to reflect on my weaknesses and think of ways to improve my game.
Moreover, no building is constructed without a blueprint. To commit an action with this magnitude is dangerous and unpredictable. With information, one can plan out the weaknesses and strengths of a structure, the resources required and the time needed. The larger the action, the more knowledge is required.
To conclude, saying that knowledge is invaluable is false. By using information, we can prevent history from negatively repeating itself. The action does the work but the knowledge dictates it.</p>

<p>Whether it’s a 2, 3, or a 4, I think you need major improvement in your essay. Look up AcademicHacker on YouTube and watch his essay video guides. Try to steer away from using personal experiences and use examples that are relevant to literature, current event, and a historical event. Also it’s very important that you have both quantity and quality in your writing. Try to at least get a page and a half in your essays.</p>

<p>It’s over a page and a half, must not look like it because I write big or the page is wide-ruled. But I’ll try to connect my essay to more history.</p>

<p>I don’t doubt that your essay is short but focus on details. </p>

<p>“When the United States sent former Cubans to return and overthrow their own government, the President didn’t know the mission was going to be nearly impossible. They were suppressed and executed by a loyal, patriotic army of a million men. Of course the United States did not realize the circumstances until after the battle.”</p>

<p>Have smooth transitional phrases at the beginning of each body paragraph. Your essay is a bit chompy and give DETAILS. Great you know something about U.S. History, so what? Give names, dates, whatever. So in the beginning you could write something in the lines of: “As shown in the event of the Bay of Pigs, it is important to acquire knowledge before executing any indecisive actions. As a result of President _________ hasty action, blah blah blah.” You get the gist of it. I normally choose 1 historical example, 1 literary example, and 1 technological example. This shows the reader that you’re not only well-read but you’re also capable of tying in different ideas into a prompt which = more bonus points.</p>