Please Help Grade My Essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hey guys, new to the boards, hoping I could get some help. In the actual test I tried doing 3 examples with a paragraph each. In this practice I tried doing just one example and expanding on it. I'll do one tomorrow with my old technique. Which method do you guys think it's easier to attain a 12 with? </p>

<p>Here's my essay: </p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>"That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value."
Thomas Paine</p>

<p>Assignment:
Do we value only what we struggle for? Plan your response, and then write an essay to explain your views on this issue. Be sure to support your position with specific points and examples. (You may use personal examples or examples from your reading, observations, or, knowledge of subjects such as history, literature, science.)</p>

<pre><code> Struggle and adversity are too often given negative connotation in today’s society. In actuality, it is only through these hardships that one gains what is truly important. My own experiences in tennis have shown that it is that which one works hardest for, that he treasures most.

Early in my tennis experience, I encountered few, if any difficulties. Because I started the game at an early age, I was adroit at the sport compared to my peers. In local tournaments, I faced weaker opposition. I didn’t have to work hard to beat people and I was growing tired of a hobby, which I once relished. In an attempt to stop me from quitting the sport my father suggested I play in a higher age bracket.

It was this suggestion that preserved and even fueled my passion the sport. When I started playing older adolescents, I was regularly defeated by large margins. However, this adversity drove me to work tirelessly to get better. Hitting thousands of balls and spending countless hours on the court, I was finally able to defeat some of the formerly superior players. These victories were far more gratifying that those over lesser opponents which I didn’t have to work for.
My personal experiences caused me to conclude that it’s true that you get out what you put in. One must brave difficulties to reach the things he values.

</code></pre>

<p>Thanks in advance for those who grade and offer suggestions for improvement, it is much appreciated!</p>

<p>EDIT: for some reason my indenting isn't working, so bear with me. Thanks!</p>

2

<p>This is a great essay, however, my concern is its length. On the test you should try to complete a full page, maybe more. Furthermore, you focused mainly on your experience, and gave very little evidence to support your position. If you augmented your essay to include an introductory paragraph, your experience, more details, and then a closing paragraph, this essay would surmount every other essay that the reader has read, causing you to get a higher grade. Remember that the graders read countless essays for hours at a time. If you want you essay to receive a high grade as you had anticipated, you should try to make your essay more appealing. As for now, I would give your work 5/6 or 10/12, which is pretty good. Good luck!</p>

3

<p>I don’t think it would receive as high as a 5; for one, most essays that are at least a 5 take up at least a page. 6 essays tend to take up at least a page and a half. Secondly, I’ve heard (but this is unconfirmed) that personal experiences aren’t as strong as literary and historical examples on the essay portion, unless one does both. Also, it would help to throw in a few SAT vocab words in the essay, or at least write in a slightly more formal tone.</p>

4

<p>It’s a decent essay, but you need to work with having a more varied syntax. You need more complex sentences and definitely agreed with everary about using the SAT vocab. Go more indepth and use at least one historical/literary example along with a personal example. More of the former is better in most cases. I would give it a 4/6, probably 8/12 or 9/12. Good Luck practicing! :)</p>