Grade my essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Can you help me turn this into a 6? This is a practice essay--on the actual SAT I got a 4 and a 5 for a 9.</p>

<p>Question:</p>

<p>What is your opinion of the claim that there is no such thing as free choice, that to some degree, we are always bound by the rules of society? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examlpes taken from your reading, studies, expeience, or observations.</p>

<p>*I'm sure that the nature of my examples is sufficient, they don't go literary-historical-personal or anything like that, but they're explained in enough detail to cover the full two pages, any advice on ways to better write this would be appreciated, I don't think adding more examples is a problem.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Societal bounds placed on people often play a huge role in an individual's destiny. Society has the power to not only shape an individual's way of thinking, but also to limit the courses of action taken by an individual. Society, however, has its limits and variables. The degree of free choice available to an individual depends on the society in question.</p>

<p>The American society demonstrates the differences with which society can influence a person's ability to choose. Because American society has embraced democratic values since its birth, it encourages the freedom of choice of any citizen. At the same time, however, politicians and media play huge roles in the people's decisions. When is a mass vote more likely? When politicians and news reporters communicate the importance of voting, or when all citizens are left to choose for themselves? Voter turnouts show that society, through mass communication, influences the public will to at. The freedom for individual choice exists, but society influences it.</p>

<p>Societal influence also takes the form of force, through both strict regulations and societal praises or criticisms. In Nigeria, an individual is theoretically free to make their own decisions regarding matters such as marriage, education, and childbearing. Though these choices exist, societal criticisms limit the will of people to do things like marry before the age of 18, to attend college, or to corporally punish children. Society merely "suggests" what is acceptable, but the "suggestions" heavily decrease the amount of choices made by people to act against the norm. Laws also make a huge difference in Nigeria. An ind9ividual may not own a business before the age of twenty-five in the capital city of Abuja, for example. This restriction tangibly limits the options of all young entrepreneurs. An avenue -- and with it a great deal of choices -- is cut off.</p>

<p>In most societies, free choice exists. Every society allows some degree of personal freedom, whether it be the right to protest or the ability to think otherwise. To say that society, however, has no say in the choices that its members make would ignore the power of social constructions and regulations on the individual. Societies have variable influence, but influence nonetheless, on its members' choices.</p>

<p>Words: 369</p>

2

<p>You use the word "society" too much, even going as far as using it more than once in the same sentence. Also, you overuse words like "individual", "huge", etc. Your ideas are clear, but not very detailed in some parts. </p>

<p>I'd give it a 4.</p>

3

<p>I'd say a 6.</p>

4

<p>A 4 and a 6 . . . . </p>

<p>Which parts aren't detailed enough, and (since basically this whole essay is about socieetal influence), what should I use instead of 'society'? I did find 'individual' a lot, but I only saw 'huge' 3 times.</p>

<p>I mean, I'm not trying to argue a particular score, as these are in ranges of my last scores, but I really need to know how to make this a 6 essay, or how to keep it one.</p>

5

<p>i'd give it a 4</p>

6

<ol>
<li>Solid, but a bit on the short side. It might help to make your thesis clearer.</li>
</ol>

7

<p>I agree with chrisiskey; you had some good ideas but some words were overused and there were a couple of organization issues. You're right in the sense that the whole essay is about society, but that doesn't grant you permission to use the word excessively. In fact, it's kind of impressive to be able to thoroughly express an idea without making it so evident. And aside from the passage as a whole, you should rarely use the same noun twice in a sentence unless it's for some sort of odd structural effect.</p>

<p>However, I believe the SAT graders, like the AP graders, are told to only look at the positive and disregard the negative. In that sense I suppose it is around a 5. Your ideas were good, and you used specific examples from your own knowledge just as the prompt told you to.</p>

<p>Work on some sentence structure and don't be redundant. Good luck.</p>

8

<p>Okay:</p>

<p>Better word economy--less redundancy
Clearer thesis
Better organization--How should I make my papers more organized?</p>

<p>I don't think it's anywhere near short, though--it filled up two pages and it's longer than most example essays that are 6.</p>

<p>Scores: 4 4 5 5 6</p>

<p>Average: 4.8</p>

<p>Thank you for all of the advice--but I'd really doesn't help me at all for those that say I'd give it a ___ (with no explanation) It doesn't bother me how you rate it, I just need to write better is all, and I need some sort of reasoning so I can isolate weaknesses.</p>

9

<p>Just another tip: do NOT focus on length. Quality not quantity. If you wrote a 55 page paper it wouldn't matter if it was ****ty... on the other hand, if you wrote even three paragraphs as long as you had 1. a well-stated and clear thesis 2. a body that addresses the prompt with the details they ask for, and 3. a well thought out conclusion (which actually, despite old school writing beliefs, is not completely mandatory, especially if it just restates everything verbatim) then you're fine. The goal is to get a taste of how well you write, not how fast.</p>

<p>Also, another tip, which is pretty ****ing TOUGH to do in 25 minutes so do not attempt it unless you absolutely know you won't fail at it, is to in the open ended questions, which I believe are all of the SAT prompts, qualify the point. Or rather, instead of showing one view point, show 2 or more, then in the conclusion, subtly state your opinion. That is very impressive, I am told, when pulled off correctly. But like I said, you might just want to play it safe. That's tough to do on the AP essays and you have 40 minutes for those. Just a thought though.</p>

<p>And organization is just a portrayal of clarity of thought. Have you tried doing a web or something like that before you write?</p>

10

<p>I usually just do outlines in organization. Should my ideas have better sequencing in them, is it that I jump around in my writing? Also, do you think organization and redundancy were the only issues--in other words, would you think this a 6 if not for these things, or is it still missing something? I appreciate the feedback, it's best if I can isolate my more obvious weaknesses so I can pound them out.</p>

<p>And yes, I've read many many things saying that length does not mean quality, and it's pretty obvious to see why, but I was defending myself against a statement that my essay was on the short side.</p>

11

<p>I suppose it would be closer to a 6 aside from the redundance and clarity, but just saying that sounds so understated. Those are two very large things.</p>

<p>One thing I did notice, and I guess I could be wrong, but check this out:</p>

<p><society merely="" "suggests"="" what="" is="" acceptable,="" but="" the="" "suggestions"="" heavily="" decrease="" amount="" of="" choices="" made="" by="" people="" to="" act="" against="" norm.="" laws="" also="" make="" a="" huge="" difference="" in="" nigeria.="" an="" ind9ividual="" may="" not="" own="" business="" before="" age="" twenty-five="" capital="" city="" abuja,="" for="" example.=""></society></p>

<p>It's kind of like you start focusing in more on Nigeria, your example, rather than the prompt itself from the point "laws also...." and on. It's almost like you were giving a sub-example of your example.</p>

<p>to put something like "suggestions" in quotations like that may be a little too colloquial. I think the effect you intended by the quotations is pretty evident through your overall opinion, you don't need to over emphasize it.</p>

<p>But like I said, don't focus in on weaknesses... we all have them, it'd be ridiculous to be graded by them. That's why they look at your strong points. Just write write write. There's always room for improvement, no matter who you are. The more you write, the more natural it feels and sounds. Don't get so caught up in sounding like a political hot shot, just talk. They can't grade you on how right you are as long as you address the prompt like they ask.</p>

<p>I think I've pretty much done all the isolating I can... your mistakes are fairly broad.</p>

<p>Hope this helps</p>

12

<p>It helps a lot, thank you.</p>

13

<p>*** Have you guys taken the sat before?
4? Give me a break.
I wrote much ****tier and I got a 5 and a 4 dragging my overall score down.
This is at least 10-11.</p>

14

<p>With that essay I'd be surprised if you didn't get a >10.</p>

<p>I only had one body paragraph and 1 example and came out with a 10.</p>

15

<p>I get my essay back next week, I am just looking at it like I look at most of my essays... can't help to be the best you can.</p>

<p>I didn't know the SAT essay section was graded so easy...?</p>

16

<p>People might have different views on how 'tough' the SAT essay is graded, but remember that this board (and probaby you, as well) are not representative of the average. Very few people make 5s and 6s.</p>