<p>All of the essays received 6's by my teacher, but it's just one point of view... I can PM you these essays if you're graciously willing to read them? Free cookies? :) Just post here and I'll send you one or both... I guess you can let me know how many you're willing to read? LOL. THANKS GUYS :p</p>
<p>“Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?”</p>
<p>It’s a dog eat dog world! As human beings, we are conditioned to be most productive and challenged in the face of adversity and competition. It is through the rough patches in our existence where we are challenged to either thrive… or dive. This phenomenon is seen in personal context, as well as in the epic Aeneid, by Virgil.</p>
<p>In my career as a high school student, I have committed myself to a plethora of extracurricular activities that genuinely suit my passions. One of the most enjoyable activities I partake in is speech and debate, a land filled with black suits, angst-filled teens, and loud-mouthed know-it-alls. After all, what other type of person would actually enjoy donning formal attire on a Saturday morning? However, for many, one of the best parts of this endeavor is the cutthroat competition one faces every weekend. This adversity promptly propels each and every one of us, including myself, to exceed expectations and shoot for the gold. For example, my team member and friend began outdoing me in this past year in competition. While I felt no hostile sentiments toward him, I believed that I should attempt to rebuttal his emerging presence with some glorified success of my own – and it worked. I was challenged to research, challenged to practice, and even challenged to win! After all my efforts, which were by no means feasible or nonchalant, I fell in love with my quirky afterschool organization, became a more eloquent speaker, and made enduring companionships. I never would have obtained that without competition. It is through the adversity where I learned where my interests lie.</p>
<p>Virgil’s famed Aeneid features a protagonist, named Aeneas, whose responsibility is to reestablish the Trojan Empire. Aeneas flees from his crumbling city to recreate his cherished homeland, and does so by overcoming a series of trifling tribulations. He faces opposition from the omnipotent goddess Juno, who solely seeks out to destroy the dastardly Trojans she loves to hate. However, Aeneas assumes leadership and manages to mature into a man who is able to sift through right and wrong. This honorable hero vanquishes vanguards who oppose him and finds new meaning in the society he lives in. Aeneas survived a well-fought journey, consisting of nothing but pure adversity, and eventually discovered the venerable leader within him. If it had been an easy quest, Aeneas never would have been challenged to surmount the task that lay ahead or even understand his true potential.</p>
<p>There is indisputable reason that lies behind the success of our competitive world. It is that we are intrinsically inspired to improve in light of adversity. In the end, we determine our own fates – thrivers or divers.</p>
<p>In your intro, it would be nice to be specific in your examples
Instead of saying as well as in the epic Aeneid, by Virgil.
Try saying something more like Aeneas’ journey or fight
something along those lines.</p>
<p>Plethora means “a lot” in a negative way
such that it means " too much"
just letting you know.</p>
<p>There’s a redundancy in “challenge”
You can just write
challenged to research, practice, and even win!</p>
<p>In the conclusion, it would be nice to have 3 sentences,
(and if you want you can restate your examples again)</p>
<p>Your examples are are great to work with.
It’s a well built solid essay.</p>
<p>I think your essay is a 5
or maybe even a 5.5</p>
<p>Keep up the great work :)</p>
<p>Oh. I intentionally used challenged three times for repetition and emphasis on what was originally stated and used in the prompt. And my conclusion is 3 sentences.</p>
<p>Well done, 5/6. and ^ sleepy head gave you some constructive criticism. Embrace his thoughts and maybe youll improve; no need to attack his arguments - you can save that for your debate class.</p>
<p>
Where did you see this happening? >_></p>
<p>Not necessarily attacking his arguments, but i noticed some intended hostility instead of the thanks he should have given (or at least i would have), considering that feedback is probably the best he’ll get for his essay…</p>
<p>ahh. sorry</p>
<h2>I didn’t see the the period in your conclusion >.<"</h2>
<p>thanks snappy,</p>
<h2>my feedback really isn’t that great.</h2>
<p>I hope you get better feedback from others on this forum though</p>
<p>Woah guys. I wasn’t trying to be hostile at all…</p>
<p>I think Snappy just expected you to say “thank you.” Sleepyhead gave you lots of well-intended constructive criticism, even if some of it was a result of misinterpretations. </p>
<p>Anyway, I think this essay would earn a 6. I can’t find anything significantly wrong with it.</p>