Grade my sat essay

Test Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>It is often unconventional to question the actions of leaders but nowadays, people are fully exploiting their right to question the decisions of leaders which is justified. If people do not confirm the validity of an action and blindingly accept it, catastrophic disaster is sure to follow. Therefore, it is of utmost importance to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority.</p>

<p>For instance, in 1958, Chairman Mao Zedong of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) decided to launch an initiative called the Great Leap Forward which aimed to increase China’s economic output and boost economic development. The inhabitants of the China, impressed by the previous five year plan, enthusiastically accepted this initiative and put themselves under the command of their exalted leader. This proved to be disastrous as Mao’s campaigns were useless and eventually resulted into a 3 year famine which caused 5 million deaths (even more than the Holocaust). This was the result of citizens ignorantly accepting a leader’s decision without actually confirming the short and long term effects. The main issue that caused the famine was due to officials reporting false statistics. Instead of reporting the actual numbers, they tried to impress Mao by speaking of record harvests which depleted precious food stocks. Hence, this event proves that it is important to question the decisions of leaders to avert disaster. </p>

<p>In times of war, citizens of the country at war usually do not question the decision for war but mostly focus on becoming victorious. However, in WW1 Germany, as Germany neared defeat, many Germans questioned the competence of their leader. Germany had been already crushed by the allies and many Germans wanted an end and initiated mass protests against the Kaiser’s government. In 1918, a German revolution was started to not only question but act against the Kaiser which led to his abdication and the establishment of a democratic government. Since the Kaiser refused to negotiate with the allies, it meant total destruction for Germany if the people did not act immediately. Therefore, this example demonstrates that the decisions of people with authority are not always consummate and should first be questioned by the people and not blindingly accepted.</p>

<p>The actions and ideas of leaders should always be questioned as they may be not perfect as seen in these examples. By offering a unique perspective, the people can help improve a decision by making it more effective.</p>

2

<p>First paragraph.
The final clause, “which is justified” weakens the impact of the first sentence. It seems tacked on, pulls focus away from your statement of hard fact, and causes the sentence idea to run on. Try, ‘This is justified because, if people do not confirm……” ‘blindingly’ should be ‘blindly’….’catastrophic disaster’ is redundant.</p>

<p>Second paragraph.
Forward, which (commas needed for non-restrictive adjective clause) famine, which (same) harvests, which (same) ……The paragraph itself is very good, but you let an opportunity slip past you. Your example contains information that should be emphasized by explicit statements that could more concretely develop your main purpose, which is to show reasons why people in authority should be questioned. You give one reason – to avoid disaster. You illustrate, but do not emphasize, another reason – that leaders can make bad decisions, and further that those bad decisions can be the result of error, or bad information or corruption.</p>

<p>Third paragraph.
Try: ‘However, as Germany neared defeat in WWI,’ …….The time order of the paragraph is a problem. Protests, revolution, abdication, then back to the reason for protests. If the idea (a good one) occurs to you after you have written something else, circle it and draw an arrow to the place you think it should be. An SAT reader understands you are under time pressure and will work with you on something like that. In fact, it will show them you have good editorial judgment….’consummate’ has a literal definition that fits and probably wouldn’t be a problem, but the word is typically not used in a negative way unless you intend irony. ‘Therefore’ indicates the conclusion of a line of logical argument. Your example is more of a narrative, so you would be better off to begin the sentence with, “This example illustrates…” Finally, you missed another chance to draw specific ideas from your example. This one – that a leader can make bad decisions as a result of obsession, ego, obstinacy or callus disregard of his people’s suffering.</p>

<p>Final paragraph.
Try: ‘The actions and ideas of leaders should always be questioned since they may not be perfect.’ ….’unique’ is not a good choice. It means ‘one of a kind’. It is sometimes used to mean ‘different’, but when that is the case, it suggests ‘unusual’. Once again, your paragraph hints at ideas that could have been explicit. By questioning leaders, people can make their positions known and cause those positions to be considered when they otherwise might not, and people are more likely to cooperate with authorities when they know their ideas have been considered (thus improving the decision (by/and) making it more effective). Your phrasing of the idea is too general.</p>

<p>As it is, your essay is a solid 10. Had you made your ideas more explicit, it would have been 11 - 12.</p>

3

<p>bump…</p>

4

<p>bump…</p>

5

<p>Thanks for your reply, :slight_smile: forever indebted</p>