Grade one last essay for me, please?

<p>Prompt: Do you think that ease does not challenge us, and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</p>

<p>My Essay:
Adversity is essential in order to discover our true character. Examples from literature and history clearly show how hardship and challenge are fundamental to finding out who we are.</p>

<pre><code> The novel To Kill A Mockingbird by Haper Lee illustrates the importance of adversity. Published in 1960, the novel is set in the fictional town of Maycomb, Alabama, where six-year old Scout Finch lives with her father, Atticus. In the novel, Atticus, a layer, has agreed to defend Tom Robinson, a black man accused of rape. This decision by her father leads to Scout being ridiculed by her friends, as many of the towns residents are racist. Throughout the novel, Scout struggles to figure out what she believes, as she is confused by what she sees around her. Some of the town's residents agree with her father, and stand up for Tom, while most attack him, even trying to kill him at one point. Eventually, Scout comes to understand that god and evil, can, and always will, coexist within her community, and within her friends. The adversity that Scout faced helped her to truly understand herself, which was something that never would have happened without the hardship she constantly endured.

Another example of challenging circumstances helping us to discover who were are can be found in Rosa Parks. Rosa was a young African American woman living in Mongomery Alabama, during the pinnacle of the Civil Rights Movement, and “separate but equal policies”. Rosa pushed on despite the fact that the society she lived in considered her to be a second-class citizen, undeserving of any respect. On December 1st, 1955, Rosa made a decision that would reveal her inner character. That night ,as Rosa was riding the bus home from work, she was told to move to the back of the bus, so that a white man could have her seat. She refused, and was arrested for her actions. As word of the event spread, the African American community rose up in support of her. The uprising that she started led to the reversal of many unjust laws and rules that degraded African Americans. The adverse society that she lived in helped her to discover who she was: a woman that was willing to stand up for what she believed was right. Hardship offered Rosa many challenges, which gave her the opportunity to discover herself; something ease never could have provided.

A further example from the Civil Rights Movement that demonstrates the benefits of adversity can be found in Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.. King was a prominent activist that traveled the country giving speeches and leading marches, which served to unite the African American community behind a common goal. There were many who criticized King, saying that he was too outspoken, and that he should accept his place in society. King never gave up, and he is remembered today as one of the most important activists of his time. The constant challenges and attacks – both verbal and physical - that King faced gave him the ability to understand his inner self, that of a man who constantly and consistently refused to accept inequality and injustice.

After a careful analysis of Scout Finch, Rosa Parks, and Martin Luther King Jr, it is clear that, indeed, adversity helps us to discover who we are. Challenges, hardship, and constant struggles are necessary parts of life, if we intend to understand ourselves.
</code></pre>

<p>Note: This was written in 25 minutes, and completely took up both pages. ( was running rather low on room at the end, was cramming it in there )
Thanks in advance, and I'm happy to grade/critique essays in return, just post a link to your thread.</p>

<p>I hate your examples but it is a 6. And at 567 word very impressive. </p>

<p>I like that you have cast the benefit in terms of “finding out who we are” and then referencing that back in your examples. I think you could strength it if you mention how if these people had picked ‘ease’ they never would have found out things about themselves.</p>

<p>5/6, but I can see a possibly 11/12</p>

<p>First some technical edits:</p>

<p>“This decision by her father”
Passive voice is bad! Use “Her father’s decision”</p>

<p>"…it is clear that, indeed, adversity…"
“Indeed” isn’t necessary.</p>

<p>“Hardship offered Rosa many challenges, which gave her the opportunity to discover herself; something ease never could have provided.”
Replace the semicolon with a comma.</p>

<p>Content comments:
Your second paragraph is not as relevant/strong as your first one. It’s more like Rosa Parks showed OTHERS what she was like, not that SHE discovered who she was.</p>

<p>Same can be applied for the third paragraph.</p>

<p>You guys gave some really good comments on the essay above. Do you mind giving me some comments/scoring mine? The prompt was “Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?”</p>

<p>Numerous ingredients are essential for the recipe of future success in our society and planet. Among these, the easily most essential quality needed in the status quo is an explosion of creativity. Most dictionaries explain that creativity is the “ability to reason abstractly.” With that said, it is so much more than that. It is not a stretch to claim that creativity is the defining characteristic of intelligence that can make or break success. Without question, creativity is vital now more than ever in the world because it allows people to break down the constructs of routine society while also promising massive technological breakthroughs.</p>

<p>In his classic novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Ken Kesey elucidates how creativity is necessary to fight the restrictions society and the world enforce. Quite simply. he argues through the text that creativity is nothing less than freedom. In the novel, the protagonist McMurphy gets arrested for a small crime and chooses to serve time in a mental asylum rather than a traditional penitentiary. He fails to anticipate that this asylum is run by a power-hungry totalitarian dictator named Nurse Ratched who has cleverly tapped the patients on the ward and removed all their freedom. McMurphy’s massive creative abilities allow him to open up new avenues for the patients to rebel and fight for increased freedom. For example, McMurphy both plans a carnival and a fishing trip to achieve this paradigm shift for how the ward is run. Through both of these creative avenues, McMurphy allows the men to have fun and taste freedom, ultimately leading to the demise of the dictatorship of the nurse. As is clear, it was only through McMurphy’s creativity that the micro-society of the ward was revolutionized and in the same way, creativity is needed in order to fix the fundamental issues with out society.</p>

<p>In addition, Mark Zuckerberg’s creation of Facebook is brilliant proof that creativity is of the highest necessity to cause technological advance. Mark Zuckerberg is a true genius in countless aspects. Importantly, his massive creativity led him to explore revolutionary new ways to connect people on the internet. Years of insight and “messing around” with computer programs in undiscovered realms led him to the idea of creating a social network. In the late 2000s, all this creative exploration came together with the launch of Facebook the revolutionary website that connects individuals across the globe. Indeed, his creativity led to this leap in technology and our world needs creativity to further future technological innovations.</p>

<p>When examining the facets of our world that need to be reinvigorated, creativity is an obviously one. Through breaking down the constructs of traditional society and through the advancement of technology like with Facebook, the importance of creativity is more blatantly clear that is ever has been.</p>