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<li>Tell us something importantbut something we wouldnt discover elsewhere in your applicationabout who you are. (~350 words)</li>
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<p>Picture this: a 5 year old child on stage at a cultural festival expected to cutely recite songs in his mother tongue, Telegu; then he suddenly freezes up and the entire crowd proceeds to mockingly laugh as the boy is forever scarred. Such was the beginning of my struggle.
Now, look, maybe I am being a bit dramatic, but I still believe that this nightmare was the beginning of my insecurity of speaking my native tongue. Keep that image in the back of your mind and understand that while visiting India during the summers, I had four mouths: my moms, my dads, and my two sisters. I can only describe my experience of speaking Telegu to my relatives as disasters. Unfortunately, as I hid in the shadows of my fear, the disappointment and embarrassment I felt towards myself grew because I could clearly see my cultural difference.<br>
From an outsiders perspective, however, I have seemingly perfected the delicate balance between maintaining my culture heritage and adapting to my surrounding American culture. I was born in this country, and yet everywhere I go, I proudly declare myself as an Indian. I relish my lessons in Mrithangam (Indian Classical Drums) as they provide me with a venue to experience my culture. Yet, I will have to eventually accept the fact that as I move onto the university, I have to make compromises. I may never understand every Indian tradition, but that should not stop me from learning. I may never fluently speak Telegu, but that should not stop me from attempting.
Although I regret not being able to talk as much to my relatives in India as a child, I am more than looking forward to having the opportunity to climb out of my shell in the future. My fear of speaking Telegu still humbles me to this day in the sense that I realize that speaking my language and respecting my culture are not mutually exclusive. In terms of eventually speaking, all I have to say is this: nenu, manchi visium anu****an or Telegu for, I hope for the best.</p>
<p>“A five year old child is on stage at a cultural festival, expected to cutely sing songs in his native tongue, Telegu. He suddenly freezes up, words won’t come out of his mouth, and as he stands there terrified, the entire crowd proceeds to laugh mockingly. Such was the beginning of my struggle.”</p>
<p>I briefly edited this first paragraph. I tried to get through the other ones, but I sense a sort of disconnect…
Allow me to elaborate.
“I had four mouths.” This statement took a while to understand. You mean that they spoke for you, correct? I think you could explain this in a more clear manner, because it sounds a bit funny.</p>
<p>Next paragraph: “Yet, I will have to eventually accept…” etc. What compromises? You don’t really explain this very clearly, and it doesn’t connect to your next sentences. Do you mean that you will have to give up some aspects of your culture when you go off to college? perhaps you should say that you might even have the opportunity to meet other Indians and start a club or something, so that you can all respect your Indian heritage or something.</p>
<p>Last paragraph: Looking forward to “climb out of your shell”… What if you said next time, you are willing to attempt to speak to them in your native language? Even though it may be embarrassing, at least it will help you learn, and sometimes putting yourself out there is a good way to learn and grow.</p>
<p>Hope that helps. If you have any further questions, I can try to help. :)</p>
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<li>Make sure you don’t split infinitives, e.g, “to cutely recite” or “to mockingly laugh.”</li>
<li>Don’t apologize for what you’re saying, e.g., “maybe I’m being a bit dramatic.” If you thought it was a nightmare, then that’s what it was. From the outsiders perspective you haven’t “seemingly pefrected” (that’s your perspective) you’ve actually done it.</li>
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<p>I think there are some interesting ideas in here about what it means to you to be an “Indian-American.” What I get from it is that 1) It’s hard to truly have a foot in both cultures and 2) You’re still working out what the balance is. However, the essay wanders a bit. If I were you, I’d write down the one or two ideas you want the reader to take away and make sure that each paragraph explains them clearly.</p>
10 char</p>