Grade this essay? you might laugh

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>My 2nd essay, hoping for 11 on the June SAT exam. Here it is, all typed up verbatim.</p>

<p>If you read my other one (probably not because I posted in the wrong forum) you'll see lots of similarities LOL. and trust me, the Scarlet Letter appearing in both of them is a coincidence. I don't have any particular focus on it lol. </p>

<hr>

<p>PROMPT: Should we admire heroes but not celebrities?</p>

<p>The question of whether we should admire celebrities pervades society. In a highschool, a girl wearing the newest style of clothing while holding the coolest cell phone walks down a crowded hall. She is the celebrity of the school. In this situation, one is confronted with a peculiar dillemma - to admire her for being a celebrity or not. Some people contend that being a celebrity is in itself worth admiration, but this could not be more wrong. Celebrities are not worth admiring, only heroes - self made people - deserve our liking because we do not know who celebrities truly are.</p>

<p>In the Scarlet Letter the Reverend Dimmmesdale is a celebrity. People accross the Massachussetts town admire his purity, justice, and good will. They see him as the closest being to God. However, a closer look shows that they do not know him at all. What the Reverend Dimmesdale has been hiding is a great sin; he committed adultury and fostered a child with a married women. The People's admiration toward this celebrity was mislead; they did not know his true character. </p>

<p>This phenomenon is also relevant to my life. My close friend has the effect of pulling people toward him. When he meets new people, they are subject to his magnet like decorum and take an instant liking to him. From going from place to place, he has become a local celebrity. Guys love his athleticism - he plays nearly every sport, and is somehow good at them all. Girls love his physique - like all sports stars, he is well built and tall. However, as a close friend I know his dark secret. He confessed to me that he takes steroid supplments to increase his muscular growth. Aghast, I thought of all those who admired him, and how they would not had they known this. Their admiration was mislead by his status as a celebrity. </p>

<p>So what of the popular girl walking down the hall? Based on my own experiences and that of the Scarlet Letter, students in the hall should not admire her. They do not know who she really is. In fact, they shouldn't even turn their heads toward her</p>

<p>2 pages, all but the last line.</p>

<p>Grade 2-12 and please give me some comments and criticism.</p>

2

<p>You gave all the examples of why we shouldn’t admire “celebrities”, but you talked almost nothing of why heroes should demand our respect. </p>

<p>Good usage of grammar, and I liked how you pulled examples from real life and from literature, but you never fully developed your point. </p>

<p>It sounded kind of like those companies who spend all their time dissing their competitors, that by the end of it, all you have really learned is that they hate so and so company, not why you should like them.</p>

3

<p>Grade this too plz:</p>

<p>Half of me was reluctant to write this letter out of concern that The Reverend Dimmmesdale may be one of those people who say flighty things for the sole purpose of gaining attention. But given Dimmmesdale’s track record, I have concluded that sane and bright minds turn into quivering wrecks upon contact with the madness that lies in her blathering, goofy recommendations, so I’ve decided to proceed. Let me get to the crux of the matter: The impact of her callow fusillades is exactly that predicted by the Book of Revelation. Evil will preside over the land. Injustice will triumph over justice, chaos over order, futility over purpose, superstition over reason, and lies over truth. Only when humanity experiences this Hell on Earth will it fully appreciate that it is misinformed and more than wild to believe that we can stop communism merely by permitting government officials entr</p>

4

<p>0/12</p>

<p>tsenchar</p>