What do you think of this essay?

Test Preparation
1

<p>I tried so hard to finish it in 25 minutes,I think it's extremely terrible :/ </p>

<p>Prompt:
“The price of greatness is responsibility.”
Winston Churchill</p>

<p>Assignment:
Do we expect too much from our public figures? Plan your response, and then write an essay...</p>

<p>Humans have always tried to achieve greatness in their lives.However every achieved greatness carries with it a price.Some people tend to have high expectations on famous public figures.But on the other side,these public figures misuse this fame and status.Every greatness achieved ,should be used correctly and responsibly ,because great people lead our society,while bad influencing public figures deteriorate it.</p>

<p>Everyone seeks greatness in his own way,but from a specific prospect,it can be seen that greatness has a price to be paid.That's why ,many celebrities and public figures should behave responsibly ,in order to make the society flourish,not to make it blighted.Celebrities can be significantly exemplified.They reached fame after weathering the storms,and proved themselves to the public .But on the other hand,some celebrities go for drug abuse and numerous self-harming acts that are definitely not didactic.For instance,Lindsay Lohan ,who was an innocent shining star in the sky of stardom,shattered her responsibility by going to jail and doing drugs.Taking Lindsay as an example,we can see that the road to greatness is rigid and hard,however attaining the achieved trust,by acting responsibly is harder.</p>

<p>In order to broach such vast controversy,we should bring some elected politicians to the argument.Of course,before the elections,we are astonished by the promises of the politicians .But on the other flip of the coin,after the elections ,the politicians show us their other bad side,and they ignore the responsibility they sought to reflect.For example,Obama had the ultimate "solutions" for all the predicaments facing USA.However till now America hasn't been able to traverse this bulwark.It can be seen that the hardest part in greatness,is keeping the responsibility accompanied with it.</p>

<p>To rap it up,in our society everyone is fighting his own battles to reach the greatness he seeks.However we should realize that,fame and greatness overweight us with mammoth responsibilities ,moreover maintaining them is a burden.The great person is that who achieves greatness,and reflects it in his acts.</p>

<p>ahh worst essay ever :'( once i started writing I couldn't think of high frequency words.Furthermore I thought that I should mention my experience as an example ( student council in school)
Please tell me my weaknesses</p>

2

<p>Okay. I got 780 writing (12 essay) in March and 800 writing (11 essay) in May, and this is what has worked for me:</p>

<p>-Use higher level vocabulary, but don’t necessarily overdo it. It needs to sound good, not pompous and stilted. As the sayings go, a 5 cent word is better than a 50 cent one. The best writing can not only be read fluently by the lowest level of readers (almost layman’s terms) but also appreciated by the highest level of readers.</p>

<p>-Don’t think you need to answer the prompt directly. They want to take the idea they’ve given you and run with it. On my May essay (yeah, I know, only an 11, but whatever) I hardly answered the prompt about “finding wisdom through happiness.” I wrote a guide (more or less) to finding wisdom in the weirdest of places and in the far-off reaches of the word (I know, sounds weird, but whatever).</p>

<p>-Don’t read the quote. Only read the assignment so you know what to write about. You’re wasting time if you read the quote (and you’ll influence what you write about). Remember, the person who is reading your essay is most likely reading several thousand other essays, so don’t borrow (or use anything close to) the quote because it will seem old and tired to them, which certainly won’t help (if not hurt) your score.</p>

<p>-Don’t worry about what you write. They want to see that you can form coherent ideas and write about them. Write about what comes to mind first (provided it makes sense). There is no “golden rule” to which examples you should use. I generally recommend using two solid examples over three cursory ones. You don’t need to use all of the paper available, but generally you might not have written enough if you’re not filling out both pages. Conversely, don’t just fill it with fluff.</p>

<p>-Contrary to popular belief, you can talk in first, second, and third person, provided it flows well. I repeat: don’t ever address the reader.</p>

<p>-For example, here’s an excerpt from my March SAT essay:
“I’ve always maintained that the best strategy is to conquer the events that matter, and to acquiesce to those that don’t. The “correct” choice to be taken when in a quandary is a needle in a haystack. Good luck, unless you’ve a magnet.”
The PoV might be all over the place, but the it flows/sounds good (if I can say so myself—apparently the readers agreed).</p>

<p>MORE IMPORTANTLY (and in sum): just be awesome. As they say in p90x, “Try your best and forget the rest.” A lot of people get wrapped up in the actual writing of the essay. Just write what comes to you and you should be fine (make sure you adhere to rules of grammar/syntax/etc. and you’re golden).</p>