<p>This isn’t a professional appointment. Personally, I prefer to have friends who would be understanding if I wasn’t able to make a social commitment. Do you all have friends who bill you?</p>
<p>The excessive money for extras isn’t limited to sororities. In order for my daughter to participate in her hs sport I had to spend about $100 on spirit gifts and items. The crafting was a relatively small time commitment but there was also a little baking. I was not happy about the excessive sugar (which also seemed odd considering the kids were being preached to about good nutrition at practice then instructed to go buy candy for each other). And while the time devoted to all this was not excessive, it was often very last minute and extremely inconvenient, such as picking my daughter up from practice, then learning she has to provide such and such spirit items. OK, it’s 6 pm, dinner is in the oven, and I have to take her shopping now because this spirit gift is “due” at the next practice, 6 am tomorrow morning. What to do about dinner? When will my daughter do her homework? I wonder whether team spirit and friendships can be formed any more without a lot of materialistic stuff and candy. And gifts to friends are not really gifts if they are required.</p>
<p>I really can’t say that joining a house was “expensive.” I bought nice clothing for formals, but I would have bought nice clothing for non - Greek formals too. Plenty of non-Greek kids went downtown every weekend and partied at bars - I bet they spent way more than I, an infrequent drinker, ever did.</p>
<p>The big “expense” was photos from events - because in those days it was rare to have a camera and expensive to develop film, so if you wanted mementos of a formal or dance you had to pay per photo. My best friend actually married the photog who shot our formals! Do professional photogs still shoot formals? </p>
<p>@Pizzagirl We had a professional photog at bid day since nobody wanted to take the photos, people just wanted to be in them! For everything else though, usually one of the sisters who was into photography did our photos. We also hired professional photogs for a 1-2x per year photoshoot</p>
<p>No, of course not. But you are missing the point. A sorority is more like a club or, in some cases, a housing co-op, condo association, etc. in which there are rules that members have to follow to remain in good standing. Remember that the girls aren’t all friends when they join. Yes, they meet girls in their pledge groups that may end up in the same house, and they may connect during rush to existing members of one house or another and later become close to those people. But when they start out, most of them are unknown to each other. They are joining a group with rules and expectations.</p>
<p>As for the school activity “surprises,” well, they seem to be part of the territory with kids. I made many late-night trips to Walgreens for blue hair dye for spirit day, or to the grocery store for some kind of class treat that I had been “voluntold” for. My daughter’s dance studios and teams have often done secret Santa activities that involve multiple gifts over an extended period of time. Oh, and let’s not forget the bar/bat mitzvah years, when my kids were invited to a dozen or more events involving gifts. (And that’s not including all the “regular” birthday occurrences since they were born.)</p>
<p>Showing up with gifts to events or having to participate in collective activities that involve spending money is just part of life. One can either get resentful, or roll with it. Or perhaps not participate at all.</p>
<p>“This isn’t a professional appointment. Personally, I prefer to have friends who would be understanding if I wasn’t able to make a social commitment. Do you all have friends who bill you?”</p>
<p>Recruitment isn’t a “social commitment,” though. It’s one of the raisons d’être of the house. It’s like signing up for the school newspaper and deciding not to bother writing / turning in your assigned story. It’s like getting a part in the school play and not showing up on opening night. You leave others who were counting on you in the lurch. </p>
<p>You cannot possibly run a newspaper or play without the members fulfilling their obligations, and it’s exactly the same way with recruitment. If you’re not willing to do recruitment (absent a good reason, such as being a rush counselor or RA), then you shouldn’t bother joining. </p>
<p>I have no idea if my house did fines or not - it never would have occurred to me not to have done what I signed up for - but no, fines for blowing off rush without an approved reason don’t seem ridiculous, at all. </p>
<p>I read it when D1 was rushing. I was very concerned based on what I read, but it turned out D1’s experience was nothing like what was written in the book.</p>
<p>Many offices in Greek life are more like corporate officers. A treasurer can be responsible for 500k+ budget, and President’s responsibility is as great as some CEOs at a small corporation. They need to maintain relationship with the school, uphold their corporate rules and make sure members do what they are supposed to do. </p>
<p>I read it some time ago. It bears little relation to my experience. Especially the weirdness about how you’re only supposed to socialize with one another or the “right” frat. That’s just silly. Of course you can have friends in other houses or non-Greeks, duh. There are no “friend police”. </p>
<p>“Pledged” was not ever relevant. The book was largely based on one group of women in one sorority at one school. It did not reflect my experiences or the experiences of the young women I know who are current college students/ recent grads. The author lost a lot of credibility with me in the chapter on alumnae. I have been active in multiple alumnae clubs and the alumnae she met seemed to fit a stereotype that again bore little resemblance to me or anyone I know. I found the book oddly entertaining, but that’s it.</p>
<p>I haven’t read the book but I read through a bunch of the reviews. Seems to me the “sex, drugs, and alcohol” scenarios the author focuses on are part of life for young adults in this age bracket regardless of whether they are in Greek houses or even in college at all. Same goes for the fixations on appearance, the eating disorders, and so on. </p>
<p>I did read the book when it first came out, and remember thinking it was exactly on target with my own experiences. However, that was so long ago and my memory is so short that I certainly can’t recall any specifics. I don’t care enough at this point in time to reread it, but recommended it to a parent on a different thread. </p>
<p>“Pledged” does not reflect my sorority experience, but I don’t doubt that it may be an accurate depiction for some. In my experience, Greek life varies considerably among schools. The Greek scene at oldest child’s school, a Southern flagship, is very different from the Greek scene where I went to college, and different from the sororities at my D’s small Southern LAC. </p>
<p>Why is it that the experience that appears to occur at the Southern state flagships gets held up / portrayed as “the” experience, when it’s not the experience elsewhere? Riddle me this. </p>
<p>Because it’s more “scandalous” and dark. It makes for a better story. The first rule of fiction: get your character into an impossible situation. Plus, sex sells.</p>
<p>My daughter is at an SEC and in a sorority. Her sorority pushes for the highest grades, most involvement and they do have a strict no drinking policy for pledges. If the girls are caught with alcohol they receive a warning, another incident and they are not allowed to initiate. She has a mentor, she has a big sister and they have all helped her study, helped her figure out how to get help in classes and encouraged her and helped her deal with homesickness. It’s in a sorority’s best interest to keep their reputation classy, not trashy. No sorority in the south wants to be the negative image one. With over 1,000 rushing the new way of placing girls in sororities seems to be way more inclusive than days gone by. I believe by the last night of rush they divide the number of girls by the number of houses and that gives quota. It’s not to say a few girls here or there won’t get dropped, but I think most schools have pretty high placement rates.</p>
<p>^My college had the same type of quota system for rush when I went through almost 40 years ago. Pretty much if a girl really wanted to be in a sorority, she would be placed. The goal was to include as many girls as possible, not to exclude people.</p>
<p>@eyemamom - good points. I used my and my kids’ situation as an example, but I agree that even among schools of the same type, i.e Southern State Us, there are differences. It’s why I so dislike the general characterization and labeling of Greeks and Greek life. In the majority of cases, the stereotypes are simply not true. But, as poetgirl points out, scandal and sensationalism sell. Few write about the lasting friendships, volunteer work, academic support, and other benefits of Greek life. With respect to quotas, schools often add chapters when the number of prospective members increases so that few girls are excluded. </p>
<p>Here’s the layout for most discussions here about Greek organizations (by analogy):</p>
<p>A: Some people got food poisoning at a seafood restaurant, so all seafood restaurants are unsafe.
B: I never got food poisoning at my local seafood restaurant, so anybody who says that this happened anywhere is just prejudiced against seafood restaurants.</p>