Guess My Essay Score

<p>I've always loved these...hopefully this will help serve as a guide for people who are learning how to handle the essay. I'll post my actual score in a couple of days.</p>

<p>December 2nd Prompt: In order to be the most productive and successful people that we are capable of being, we must be willing to ignore the opinions of others. It is only when we are completely indifferent to others' opinions of us--when we are not concerned about how others think of us--that we can achieve our most important goals. </p>

<p>Assignment: Are people more likely to be productive and successful when they ignore the opinions of others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Although it is often difficult to block out the opinions and expectations of other people when encountering important decisions, the best choices are made when someone ignores the pressure and instead trusts themselves to choose the right path. Literature, history, and my own personal experience lend extensive evidence to prove this idea.</p>

<p>In Edith Wharton's Ethan Frome, the protagonist finds himself under a lot of agony and stress when facing the predicament of how to handle his love for his wife's cousin. He cannot choose whether to follow his instincts to run off with her or to obey the morals of his Puritan town and stay with his wife. He eventually decides that he does not want to face the disdain of the town for leaving his wife and instead chooses to obey the strict morals of the townspeople, eventually enduring a tragic experience that leaves him miserable for the rest of his life. If he had decided to run off with his wife's cousin instead of paying attention to the wishes of other people, he would likely have led a much more enjoyable life.</p>

<p>In contrast, Abraham Lincoln, the president during the Civil War, chose to ignore the opinions of many people and instead follow what he believed to be right, and to this day is still considered one of the greatest presidents in United States' history. Although he predicted that the citizens of the South would be ardently angry with him if he issued the Emancipation Proclamation, which would free the slaves living there, he decided to follow through with his progressive idea. Because of his determination to do what was right in the face of adversity, Abraham Lincoln is still revered as one of our most courageous and just presidents.</p>

<p>Similarly, I have encountered experiences when I have been expected to follow the wishes of my friends but instead chose to resist them and choose the just path. This past year I was asked by some of my friends to help them steal the answers to a test. Although I knew my friends would be unbelievably angry if I refused, I knew that we would be gaining an unfair advantage if I obeyed. I ended up simply studying for the test more extensively than my friends and earning a higher grade.</p>

<p>Although many find it very difficult to resist the opinions and demands of other people, the story of Ethan Frome, the presidency of Abraham Lincoln, and my own personal experience provide evidence to prove that doing so leads to the most success.</p>

<p>I realize that the paragraph about the Emancipation Proclamation is pretty factually inaccurate, but it's what I came up with at the time. And the personal experience paragraph is completely fabricated.</p>

<p>10? Will you PM me? (I guess you will wait till more people respond to post the score publicly) I'm curious</p>

<p>It's pretty impressive (to me at least) that you managed to write all that in 25 min.</p>

<ol>
<li>I thought the writing was average (it doesn't sound distinctive), but all examples definitely go to prove your point. Plus, I only did a one minute read-through.</li>
</ol>

<p>10 seems right. Solid structure, a variety of examples, flows well. I got a 10 as well. Why did I get a 10 and not a 12? Because one of my examples wasn't very good and did not prove my point well. I think your first example (of the character) does not prove your point very well because I don't find it very plausible that a man can have a good life in a Puritan society if he loves his wife's cousin (as your last sentence states). Maybe you could have stated that he would have been "emotionally happy" rather than saying "an enjoyable life" because the latter emcompasses much more than the former, and we know for a fact that everything in his life would NOT be great if he chose to profess his love his wife's cousin.</p>

<p>most definitely a 10</p>

<p>Haha any other opinions?</p>

<p>12???????????</p>

<p>11????????</p>

<p>Without even reading it, 11.</p>

<p>9................</p>

<p>10 .</p>

<p>Haha so you got an 11. I saw it in the official scores thread.</p>

<p>Maybe you guys are seeing something that I don't. This is 9/12 and maybe 10/12 if the grader was happy.</p>

<p>First example, as someone already stated, is implausible especially at the end. If the man ran away with his wife's cousin, are you SURE that he'd lead a happy life? I think that man would live his life in guilt and apprehension that one day, the town's people will come and hunt him down. This is similar psychology applies to runaway criminals with stolen money. You might think that they'll be happy because they have money but will they? They'll have to live in life and watch out for any sudden action toward them. I think this example was not very good. I liked the idea of trying to use counterexample though.</p>

<p>Second example was nice, and I think you need to just get general facts down. Abraham Lincoln did end slavery, and I don't think grader will be that unhappy because you weren't so accurate. </p>

<p>Third example is somewhat OK but not great. I wish you had chosen something different than going against a stealing test when you were taking a test. I don't know but if I was a grader, I would feel that you were being cloying by saying, "I'm a really good student who has good morale so give me good grade." I'm not mocking you or anything but I just think it was bit awkward. If you said something like going against friends who were sneaking in movie theater without paying or something else than test, I think I'd been more glad. This example cut the point off in my point of view.</p>

<p>So yeah.. 9/12. It has good structure and all that but examples could've been better. With small revision, this one could've definitely gotten 11/12. Good work overall.</p>

<p>9 is my vote. I got an 11 with 2 examples and one was about popular book where I made up a new plot to fit the quesiton, so the Abe Lincoln thing didn't hold you back.</p>

<p>Lol this is why colleges don't give much weight to the writing section</p>

<p>Yeah in hindsight I probably could have picked a better example instead of Ethan Frome. My point was not that he would necessarily lead a better life by running away with his wife's cousin but that he was definitely miserable because he chose to obey the views of the town.</p>

<p>And as ikir already leaked, I got an 11. Don't know if I really deserved it, but I'm happy :). Haha maybe the graders did what solsek did and just glanced at it to determine my score. A couple of other things that might have helped: I filled the pages up all the way to the last line (and apparently graders like that) and wrote in cursive (which is faster for me anyway, but I've heard the graders prefer cursive over print). I also have very good handwriting ;).</p>

<p>I actually after I posted I actually did read it over very quickly and I still thought you deserved an 11.</p>

<p>graders love cookie cutter essays and you had the format down. sure your examples were kind of weak and your vocabulary/diction is not outstanding but you can write an essay. i expected 2 5s because everything was good but nothing seemed outstanding. i think you did get a little lucky but there is no way you would have received a 9. thats def. too low for this essay</p>

<p>10...........</p>