<p>I would like to hear from parents who strongly beleive that a career in medicine is "the best" for their son/daughter, and had to let go because their student was not interested in that career. How did you handle the situation and what were the reasons that made you accept your child's decision? Thanks.</p>
<p>How could a parent "strongly believe" that ANY career is the "best" for one's kid? It's not the parents' career, it's the kid's!</p>
<p>To put it another way, it is one thing to have views and advice, it is anothe thing to "strongly believe".</p>
<p>Basically, you would rather your kid do something they don't want to do for the rest of their life so.... they can pay for your nursing home bill? Let the kid live his/her own life.</p>
<p>636</p>
<p>made you accept your childs decision?
Bwhahah</p>
<p>If the parents want a doctor in the family- perhaps they should have went to medical school
Even if they got into medical school, knowing that it was their parents decision not theirs- just how successful do you think they would be without internal motivation?</p>
<p>I advise on undergrad college suggestions- I send email with links to job search sites- but choosing their major/career/life partner for them?</p>
<p>If I did a good job raising them, then they will have the skills they need to make their own informed decisions.
If I didn't do a good job, well, perhaps I can send them money for a therapist :(</p>
<p>I am neither the parent nor the student. I am trying to help a family which is facing this conflict. I am with the student. I am looking for ways to convince the parents to let go.</p>
<p>innovator,
I don't think that you will be able to convince the parents of that. The student is going to have to have the independence to do that. Virtually all of the situations in which I've seen such situations turn around are because the student had the guts to stand up and go full force toward their own goal een if it meant doing without their parents' economic and emotional support.</p>
<p>I had to do that myself. My mom wanted me to be a doctor. When I decided I didn't want to, she tried all sorts of emotional manipulation. Heck, even after I had my doctorate, she was trying to convince me to go to law school because my field wasn't good enough by her standards. By then, however, I'd learned to ignore her, and to just laugh about how she was pushing me so hard toward goals that were not mine, but really were hers for herself -- if she'd had the guts to have followed through with them for herself.</p>
<p>I think if you are the mediator- if you can get the parents to admit that they raised a thoughtful, intelligent, responsible child, who has the skills to make the kinds of decisions that they need to in adulthood, then that this is just another decision. Just because that this decision is particulary important to them, doesn't mean that their child is making the wrong choice for herself</p>
<p>"made you accept your childs decision?
Bwhahah"</p>
<p>I share this reaction.</p>
<p>I keep telling my kids how disappointed I am that neither of them is a marine biologist.... and they keep reminding me that that's my fantasy, not theirs.</p>
<p>;)</p>
<p>(But seriously, I will remind the OP that many people start a second career and go back to school later, and that just because medicine isn't interesting right now doesn't mean it might not be interesting later. Especially if you don't say anything about it.)</p>
<p>My children are free to choose their own majors. I would not want them to have to major in anything just to satisfy their parents' fantasy expectations. Older daughter is getting degrees in English, music, and theater arts. Her grandparents worry that she will graduate without any decent job opportunities. She may not find a great job right out of undergrad, but she is so happy doing what she feels she was "meant to do" that I would not even consider taking that away from her at this point. If she did not have God-given talents in those areas, I would hope that she would choose another field. But, it is all her choice...</p>
<p>OP raises an interesting point. To what extent can we advise our children on their career/educational choices? Here are some issues I've seen parents grapple with:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Talented science student gets turned off by the prospect of having to take a 3-course sequence from a boring uninspiring professor - and choses to major in literature instead. Post collegiate career limitations of the latter are obvious. What should the parents' role be in advising the student?</p></li>
<li><p>Middle class family, making major financial sacrifices to send child to an expensive private school, is dismayed child intends to pursue elementary teaching as a career. They feel the $ spent on child's education is excessive given the realities of teaching salaries. </p></li>
<li><p>Traditional East Asian family is torn between financing daughter's promising technical education vs. older son's less-promising humanities education. Tradition tells them son's education is more important since he will be expected to support a family; experience tells them daughter's education is a better "investment" (their word.) </p></li>
<li><p>Family tells child they will finance education only if it is in a "practical" field. Child feels forced to study subjects of little or no interest to him, or face the possibility of switching to a less prestigious, cheaper school. </p></li>
</ul>
<p>Tough situations, tough to advise.</p>
<p>
[quote]
* Family tells child they will finance education only if it is in a "practical" field. Child feels forced to study subjects of little or no interest to him, or face the possibility of switching to a less prestigious, cheaper school.
[/quote]
Maybe it's just me, but I don't see such a huge problem in this one. We are blessed to live in a country that provides so much educational opportunity. This "dilemma" makes it sound as if the only factor in the quality of the education is the name stamped on the diploma. Nothing about what the kid can do to get involved in school activities and clubs, get to know some of the profs, take part in internships and research (if applicable), and all the other ways to take advantage of all the opportunities available at a "less prestigious, cheaper school".</p>
<p>"I keep telling my kids how disappointed I am that neither of them is a marine biologist.... and they keep reminding me that that's my fantasy, not theirs."</p>
<p>My Son liked it.</p>
<p>Katlia--I understand that these are real situations, and the people in them have different values from me, but I don't see anyone of them as tough situations, unless college is looked at as a financial investment with a promise of a payoff as its primary purpose. I don't, so I think in each case, the kids ought to be able to choose their major/career and live with the level of financial reward that comes with it. I am particularly dismayed by the idea of parents who will pay for a top college if the kid will go into a money-making field, but won't pay if the kid is headed to lesser salaries. </p>
<p>My D graduated from a top LAC, and is now working a job which does not require a college degree. It doesn't bother me. She's supporting herself, and that great education is a part of her, and always will be. What she does with it now and in the future is up to her, and it's for her, not me.</p>
<p>My thoughts exactly, Garland! There is SO much more to the value of a college education than how much money one makes upon graduation.</p>
<p>I don't see at all how there can even be a question here. A child is a totally separate person, an individual in their own right. What they decide to do or not do with their career is 100% their decision. My daughter isn't my chance at a "do over" but rather her own person. Her career is a blank canvas and she gets to paint it whatever color she wants. I think I'm supposed to get my sense of self-worth off my own accomplishments, not hers. Living vicariously through one's children strikes me as terribly parasitic. </p>
<p>I will provide operational advice, if asked, or if I think I see a potential problem from a financial or time perspective. But I do not offer unsolicited opinions about choice of study, and I will never try to influence her to pursue one career over another - it's her life, and her call. Besides, in my experience, if a person is happy, passionate about their work, engaged, and has a solid foundation/preparation, they're going thrive. </p>
<p>I don't "wish" she would be anything in particular (doctor, lawyer, etc.), but I do very much wish her to be happy and fullfilled.</p>
<p>I agree with Garland and LTS. Personally, I wouldn't want to live with the responsibility of advising them to pursue a particular path, in case it wasn't right for them. They need to deal with all of the consequences of their decisions.</p>
<ul>
<li>Talented science student gets turned off by the prospect of having to take a 3-course sequence from a boring uninspiring professor - and choses to major in literature instead. Post collegiate career limitations of the latter are obvious. What should the parents' role be in advising the student?</li>
</ul>
<p>*** katliamom, to me that is an inappropriate reason to change majors. I would counsel my child to get a different prof, or take those courses in a study abroad or summer school. To avoid their chosen major because the prof is dull is a juvenile decision IMO.** </p>
<ul>
<li>Middle class family, making major financial sacrifices to send child to an expensive private school, is dismayed child intends to pursue elementary teaching as a career. They feel the $ spent on child's education is excessive given the realities of teaching salaries. </li>
</ul>
<p>*** They learned this when? They told the kid the rules when? I can see a situation where parents could make this decision to only pay X if the starting salaries have to be high enough to make anticipated loan payments, but only then. If OTOH this is simply a control mechanism , I'm with the kid.** </p>
<ul>
<li>Traditional East Asian family is torn between financing daughter's promising technical education vs. older son's less-promising humanities education. Tradition tells them son's education is more important since he will be expected to support a family; experience tells them daughter's education is a better "investment" (their word.)</li>
</ul>
<p>*** Part one is beyond my belief structure and does not compute. It is medieval. Part two , see answer above. (Side-Note: Be sure to warn the parents not to let their fire go out, and that salt will keep meat from spoiling.)** Sexism (and preference for the male child certainly qualifies) is not a cultural imperative that I can support. Nor do I support genital mutilation, or arranged marriages, polygamy or the concept of dowry. </p>
<ul>
<li>Family tells child they will finance education only if it is in a "practical" field. Child feels forced to study subjects of little or no interest to him, or face the possibility of switching to a less prestigious, cheaper school.</li>
</ul>
<p>**Grow a spine. Switch immediately to the less expensive school and have a great life doing what you want to do. Send them a nice card and a book on "Letting Go".*</p>