Handling family tragedies

College Essays
1

I’m currently a junior and since the summer has been coming up, essay writing season has as well. Unfortunately I’ve had a few significant family tragedies that I was thinking about writing about and I wanted to ask your opinion.

Originally, my essay was planning on being about my younger brother’s experience with cancer over four years ago, how I donated my bone marrow to him, and then how that shaped my life and led me to wanting to go into medicine, wanting to fix health policy (when medical bills reach in the $2 million range there probably needs to be some fixing), getting involved in bone marrow donation advocacy, and my general cancer advocacy in between 2011 and now. I was originally planning on asking you all how I could write this in a way that sounds more empowering and more like a “college essay” because it definitely falls under the significant life story prompt.

However, my brother’s cancer relapsed just last month, which threw a wrench in everything my family and I had been planning—both personal and academic, in everything from where we’d go on vacation this summer, which debate camp I wanted to attend, and even how I wanted to approach my essay.

I was told to ask my guidance counselor to include my brother’s relapse in his recommendation letter, partly to let the admissions committees know but also to help explain why my academic performance dipped over the course of the last month. But when it comes to my own essay, should I even include that my brother relapsed? It’s frustrating because the story had such a picture-perfect ending—to the point that even a local news station that did a series on it even loved how it ended as a perfect story—but the relapse really complicates absolutely everything.

So because the feelings are definitely still raw (although a little numb because I’ve gone through this before), I thought I’d ask you all for help. What’s the best way to approach this?

And please, don’t accuse me of being opportunistic or a bad person because I want to ask for advice in including my life story in my essays. My family and I think it’s only fair that after all the pain cancer has caused, we get to try to re-appropriate it for something good.

2

First off, I want to offer all the Internet hugs–I’m so, so sorry your brother has relapsed. I can only imagine how awful the ordeal is for your entire family.

I think your essay topic is the right one, and how you mention you were planning it sounds good. And my advice for how to approach it would be to turn it into a compelling narrative story–open with a vivid scene, pull the reader in, and then segue to how it has impacted you/influenced your career goals. In fact, I’d be more than happy to take a look when you do write it. I don’t think it’s a matter of the original essay intent having a “perfect” ending and this one being “imperfect”–it’s real. And like, with this going on in your life right now, writing about something else would probably ring false to you, no? I would write your essay as you had planned, save for the last paragraph, where you can talk about your brother’s relapse. It’ll be a real punch in the gut to whomever reads it, but it will be a reflection of the real story.

I would wait to write it however–this summer it will likely be too raw. I would approach it in the fall, and if you don’t feel “ready” to write it then, then think about a plan B.

3

I think having an “imperfect” or unresolved ending will show authenticity and maturity. Lots of things that happen in your life will not have nice neat storybook endings, and I think the admissions readers will really respect that perspective.

4

I’m so sorry to hear about your brother’s relapse and I wish you and your family the best as you endure this together.

So it’s not the perfect ending or fairy-tale or anything like that, but you still can use that topic as your essay. I think it is a very strong essay, if written properly, and it is a great way of explaining your life so far and your career goals. Your brother’s relapse is a terrible thing but it’s a life event and it shows that your story is real and raw and emotional. If anything, it lights a fire under your passion to pursue your goals and help other people who are struggling with something similar today. The adcoms can see that if the essay is structured well, which I’m sure it will. :slight_smile: