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Also, another note, when there's a fire alarm, you have to walk up and down the steps because the elevator is out. Makes one have second thoughts about living in that high rise freshman dorm. Here's a tip. Sleep in clothes. Nothing more embarassing than running into a classmate in your PJs during a fire drill.
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<p>Lots of people sleep in soft, comfortable clothes that don't scream "sleepwear" -- such as a T-shirt and sweatpants. I think this is particularly common in college dorms.</p>
<p>^^My best friend at college slept in a sweatshirt/sweatpants every night so she could sleep later in the morning and still make it to her 8 a.m. class. She just rolled out of bed, put on shoes and went to class,lol.</p>
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One word, Firecode.
Sadly, too many kids have died in less "institutional" buildings. I'm very pleased my son and his 400 dorm mates are housed in a cinderblock and steel structure with hard wired smoke detectors and overhead sprinklers. </p>
<p>Back on topic,
Not to make light of OP's son's problem, but back in my day, there was one guy who never used the bathrooms. Well at least no one ever saw him use them. There was even a stretch one semester when a 'community watch' was set up, with a prize of a case of beer for the first verifiable sighting. Never happened.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that even in many schools where there are coed bathrooms, in practice it's often not the case. At many schools there has to be a unanimous vote for the bathroom to be coed by hall - even one objection means separate bathrooms. And the votes are done secretly.</p>
<p>at many high schools they have " spirit week".
For my younger daughter it was fun.
Especially the year she was a senior and seniors wore different clothes than everyone else.
But I asked her once, " how come Garfield doesn't have pajama day?" ( her previous school had a pj day)
She said " every day. is pajama day at Garfield"
;)</p>
<p>Also I never took a shower in D's freshman year dorm bathroom, but soph & junior year- she was in newer dorms, when I was staying in a hostel that had sketchy showers.
The showers in her dorm were very nice. There were two or three in the bathroom on her end ( two bathrooms each floor, students could vote to keep them coed or use them as single sex)
Long stalls tiled to the floor each side, with plenty of room to change clothes- and the shower itself was well back from the latched door ( bathroom stalls also went all the way to floor on each side there was only a small gap in the front under the door)</p>
<p>These dorms were meant to be accessible however & they were newest, so I'm sure not all dorms have that configuration.</p>
<p>I chose my dorm at school for its bathrooms... but I have IBD. I think choosing a specific school based on bathrooms is a little much, but there's no problem choosing a dorm for that reason (or asking for accommodations).</p>
<p>CULater, I have a I have to use the bathroom NOW! card I got from donating to CCFA.
I haven't used it yet- but it is reassuring ;)
( one of my favorite people has Crohn's)</p>
<p>I think in the case of those diseases, a smaller campus- without miles of courtyard- might be wise.</p>
<p>My d's dorm was one where her hall had one small bathroom - 3 stalls, 2 showers - and they voted to make it coed. She and her roommate felt that they couldn't vote against everyone else and for the first month or so they went downstairs to shower in an all girls bathroom on another hall. By the end of the year she made do with the coed situation but is very happy to now be in an apartment where she has her own bedroom and shares a bathroom with one of her four roommates. Even so she loved her old historic dorm and feels like it was a great opportunity to live in a place that really defines her school. It was a minor inconvenience.</p>
<p>missypie - Perhaps your son should look at another school. There are thousands of colleges out there. If your son is going to live there for 4 years he needs to be comfortable.</p>
<p>That said, I know a mom whose son is at an Ivy with some OCD tendencies similar to your son and he was able to get a single room. You might want to check and see what accomadations can be made - be prepared to submit a note from his physician.</p>
<p>Social anxieties/phobias such as this are quite common among individuals with Asperger's and can often be treated through cognitive behavioral therapy. If severe enough (eg panic attacks in addition to avoidance) you might want to consider this form of therapy for your S, or at least talk to a professional about possible self-help methods that could be used?</p>
<p>This might be the best time to try to deal with this issue so that it does not continue to be a problem as he begins adulthood.</p>
<p>Yes, my shy and quiet D2 did choose a school that has no communal floor bathrooms. Every room has their own bathroom at the school she will be attending and it was a major reason why she was attracted to the university.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Not to make light of OP's son's problem, but back in my day, there was one guy who never used the bathrooms. Well at least no one ever saw him use them. There was even a stretch one semester when a 'community watch' was set up, with a prize of a case of beer for the first verifiable sighting. Never happened
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<p>Wow, you're exactly the type of person I'm worried about!!!</p>
<p>missypie: I guess this is the time to ask your son which accommodation he would prefer: a different school, a special living arrangement or therapy to progress beyond this limitation.</p>
<p>All are okay. It just depends on which fits him.</p>
<p>No, my son never did bring up concerns about college. His college has half singles and half doubles for frosh, and he did choose the single to his sister's protestations that he was not going to have "the college experience." He had been to summer programs with roommates, so he felt he had. He was happy with his choice. The communal bathroom was for 20 kids.</p>
<p>I think if your son says he has a problem no one will make fun of him. But discussion of this could be excruciating as well.</p>
<p>For what it's worth my friend's D had lost 100 pounds in high school. She needed complete control over what she ate. She attended a good state school four miles from her house and lived at home to be able to avoid meal plans.</p>
<p>Then when she was more mature she went off to a master's program halfway across the country, did well, and is now engaged. She also gained about one third of her weight back, but she is now comfortable with that knowing she would have to eat nothing to maintain that weight loss. Her fiance is madly in love with her.</p>
<p>We are in the process of making second visits to Son's top 4 schools. We're adding "pros and cons" to our lastest spreadsheet. When all is said and done, we'll sit down and discuss the pros and cons....I want him to be aware of the restroom situation at each school...it will only be a big deal if he thinks it's a big deal.</p>
<p>I know that some of you think I'm making more of this than I should, but with a child with Asperger's (and probably a lot of other conditions), sometimes the worst does happen. With neurotypical kids, parents worry but then tell themselves, "But that will actually never happen." But when I hear stories of kids having disasterous experiences of one type or another in college, I think that those experiences actually could happen to my son.</p>
<p>I am currently taking a class where we are outside all day- sometimes 10 hours or more.
One woman, couldn't use most restrooms, even very nice ones, she would say she would just wait ( even when she was having her period) & as far as I could tell- she was NT.</p>
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I know that some of you think I'm making more of this than I should,
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<p>I don't. In fact, I think you are being pro-active. Kids and parents use all kids of criteria to determine "fit" for a college, excluding academics. Everyone has their own prioities and/or "quirks".
I think you have two choices - 1) find a school with living accomadations that will suit your son or 2) Get a physician on your side and the school will comply under ADA.</p>
<p>missypie- It sounds to me like you and your son are approaching this situation in a very good way. And, you are right- ultimately it is his decision regarding how he will feel in each of the schools, bathrooms considered as well as any other considerations-academics, social, etc. Keep up the good work of being a good parent!</p>
<p>MIssypie, I can emphatize with you. I am not NT, but can pass & wasn't diagnosed till I was out of K-12. My kids also can pass for NT, however- especially with my younger D, there were many times, when it was very rough and bystanders were often very judgmental.</p>
<p>I know how difficult it is to raise kids, who have differences that aren't readily apparently, like Asbergers.</p>
<p>But- many more students have Asbergers and similar challenges in college nowdays, so colleges must be learning to deal.</p>
<p>Missypie, you are the only one who knows your son. You will surely make exactly as much of this as should be made. I, for one, think you are very wise for not ignoring it and potentially creating a bad situation as a result. Every student should make their decision based on WHATEVER is important to him or her as the best way to make a truly informed choice.</p>
<p>D2 hates to stay away from home. Despised camp, hated sleepovers. I'm not really sure what we're going to do, but we won't minimize her issues, that's for sure.</p>