Hey guys. I’m writing to the prompt about losing track of time, and I’m talking about how an internship (listed as my first activity) with a professor of electrical engineering led to me having a great time designing convolutional neural networks for machine learning as my senior project. My essay feels very technical, which I fear may lose my reader’s attention (words like FPGA, neural networks, etc). I put a twist, where I was personifying my relationship with my fpga ( how we had difficulty communicating as I didn’t know the coding language and Sally (the fpga) could only respond in 0’s and 1’s). However, as I abruptly reach the end of my essay at 900 words, I feel like I gave a summary of what I did and didn’t talk about myself enough. I wanted to show the self-deprecating, unpredictable side of myself. Thanks so much for any help
You should definitely focus more on yourself.
I also don’t think it’s good to focus on the self-deprecating, unpredictable part of your personality. It’s difficult to understand humor in writing, especially for college admissions. They want to know things about you that would make them want you on their campus, and you having a self-deprecating nature doesn’t exactly fit the bill.
A common tip repeated here on CC: focus on what makes them want you on their campus. That’s the best advice.
Don’t worry about being funny. Just write a good essay.
Personal, unique and most of all “interesting”… Do that.
A 900 word essay summarizing a project that doesn’t provide insight into who you are and what makes you tick is not going to fly. Try to avoid acronyms or highly technical terms. Your essay should not abruptly end – it should wrap everything up, preferably coming full circle.
Humility is better than self-deprecation. Unpredictability can be a double-edged sword, as can humor. Tread with caution and have adult readers look at what you write.
Would you consider it better written if I begin on the bus ride over and ending waiting for the bus? I think it would show humility and how I consider myself a normal personal despite accomplishing a lot academically
Doesn’t sound like you’re getting it to me.
The essay needs to be about YOU, not about an internship, nor a project on neural networks for machine learning. It should not be a list of your accomplishments, and it should not have many technical terms
You run the risk of coming off as entitled
Admissions officers don’t want to read an essay filled with technical jargon. The focus should be on telling about your as a person not the work you are doing at your internship. You want to write an essay that 1) tells something about you/your personality that isn’t elsewhere on the application and 2) gives the admissions officer reasons to want to have you on campus. Do not use the essay to give technical details on your internship. If you discuss personality traits like problem-solving, enjoying technical work it should be done in terms anyone can understand.