I don’t exactly have a healthy enough figure (at least in my eyes) and have low muscle-tone so that’s why athletics isn’t a very good idea for me. To sum up, I’m nowhere near athletic or cool enough to hang with the jocks. Also, most of the people who do sports in my college are basically on the opposite end of the social ladder. Yeah, it’s basically an extension of high school.
As far as social anxiety goes, it’s a side effect of ASD and since I have to carry it with me my whole life, I don’t know my social anxiety will ever go away. I do get prescriptions from the doctor to help cope better with it, though.
PS, where are you from? That might explain why I’ve never heard of GroupMe.
I live in the USA.
Intramural sports are not for jocks…they are like recreational sports…more for fun than for competition. Its not Varsity Sports…not club sports…just people from your dorm that want to get together.
I just wanted to ask I’ve been at college for 3 days and haven’t made a single friend with is feels lonely since in high school I made friends were ever I when with out thinking about it my roomate has made firends but there partying every night and that doesn’t appeal to me idk I feel like I’m doing something wrong or being too picky. is this feeling normal
@bopper
Where I go to school, you still have to be the sporty athletic type to play club or intramural sports without being considered a laughingstock. Also, the campus is almost as cliquey as high school. I also live in the USA and I’ve never heard of GroupMe. Facebook is still a thing in New England.
You know, I would recommend intensive weekly psychotherapy with an ASD specialist to overcome the trauma you report from your past and your reported current mood disorder.
Also, like I’ve recommend before, read a bunch of books about young adulthood and ASD. Please.
Dive deep into your studies and develop relationships connected to history field. Econ, too. That includes professors, archivists, grad students, and fellow majors.
If you could ask Counseling Services for help to find at least one person for meal companionship, you’d be so much happier, I think. It just takes one person. Maybe an RA also knows of another student feeling isolated.
In the meantime, become an interesting and engaged person while you await a possible new friend. It might take another year.
Start searching for a summer job or other opportunity now.
Don’t change majors, but do research careers and prepare.
Take or leave any of this advice. I know you’ll do what you want, and that’s fine.
@wizman631
What about chess club? Do you have any hobbies like that which would give you a chance to meet up with people that may share your interests? As far as the dorm, can you move to a more conservative one where you might find others that aren’t as interested in partying? If you feel awkward eating alone, maybe go at off peak times for a bit till you find someone to sit with.
@shebaseweed @bopper
There is no chess club on my campus nor do I have any desire to play chess. Due to having no friends, I had to go random (albeit within my themed housing community) and I’m a junior sharing a suite with three sophomores. This is pretty much unheard of in my housing community and I’m probably going to be humiliated because of it.
@wizman631
I would try volunteering and/or working a part-time job that involves working with people your own age. It’s a great way to meet people and you may find that people will make plans to do things within these groups, I’ve seen it with my own kids. They both worked part time at the same place, with a bunch of people their age. They’ve gone on weeklong trips, daytrips, outings, etc, as a group and also with individual friends they’ve met through their work group. They also do a lot of volunteer work - at the very least, it gets you out with other people and you may find it will lift your mood. Anything that gets you involved with others rather than isolating you will help, even if you have to force yourself at first.
My first year of college went well for me, socially. I honestly would’ve been more socially deprived at college if I wasn’t a part of the marching band in high school, that was my saving grace. I met my first real group of friends during that time in high school. My grades could’ve been better, but a little more studying could’ve helped me in the long run, not forgetting to mention some of the mistakes that I made during my first year. I plan on doing better next year.
When I first got there, everyone was meeting new people. I eventually found my group(s) and had lunch and dinner with them. I also went to parties with them. I somehow didn’t stick to one group. Although, now that I think about it, I got off lucky that I was apart of some of these groups.
Overall, it’s a life changing experience if you live on campus.
“I would try volunteering and/or working a part-time job that involves working with people your own age. It’s a great way to meet people and you may find that people will make plans to do things within these groups, I’ve seen it with my own kids. They both worked part time at the same place, with a bunch of people their age. They’ve gone on weeklong trips, daytrips, outings, etc, as a group and also with individual friends they’ve met through their work group. They also do a lot of volunteer work - at the very least, it gets you out with other people and you may find it will lift your mood. Anything that gets you involved with others rather than isolating you will help, even if you have to force yourself at first.”
Unfortunately, all of the on-campus job openings are filled so that one’s out the window. And I’ve already done my fair share of community service and volunteer work and it hasn’t helped me in the long-term whatsoever. Despite their reassurance from my suitemates whom I’ve already talked to, the fact that I’m a junior and they’re all sophomores will put me on edge since I’m sure all they’ll do is tolerate me since they all have their own friendship groups they probably don’t want to open. I feel like the most practical solution is to give up finding friends and focus completely on academics, especially with my thesis proposal due October 20, or accept that I was born a friendless loser and that’s what I’ll always be.
