<p>Help! My son finished his first day at Cal Arts, and from what I can tell he is dissapointed. He doesn't feel the vibe, and he feels surrounded by "look at me I am a super artist." Pleae tell me this will change for him once he gets more involved in his major? Actors are a different breed of artist, right? Eeek!</p>
<p>Hedda -</p>
<p>Take a deep breath - tell him to take a deep breath- and remember the first day of High School? Probably not so great.
Perhaps some of the ‘posturing’ will go away when the actual work begins. As my D observed after one summer program: “Sometimes the people who talk the biggest talk are not that good.”
Everyone is probably a little insecure - and that attitude is trying to cover that up with swagger…
hang in there - and let him vent - but don’t offer solutions. He will work it out.</p>
<p>If you go over to the Parents Forum, there is a thread on “How is Your Freshman Adjusting” – You will find that your son is not alone in having second thoughts about his choice and struggling with a new environment/new people. It is quite natural. It may be even more of an issue in programs that have attracted a very talented group of students – most of whom are probably used to being top dog wherever they came from. In any group, there is a period of re-establishing the “pecking order” that can be pretty uncomfortable until they all get to know each other and bond as a group. Hang in there. I agree with janenw – he will work it out.</p>
<p>Thank you both! I agree completley! Classes start next week - hopefully things will look brighter then :)</p>
<p>Fingers crossed! Keep us posted on how it goes.</p>
<p>He is ready to drop out. If he can get the money back from all the loans and such - he is out of there. I am beside myself…Leave a well respected art school for junior college?</p>
<p>All of a sudden he wants to be a History teacher? I myself am a teacher, and it is a wonderful profession, but after all of the hoops, and loans, and plans… I am perplexed. And sad.</p>
<p>College is our kids’ first adult situation. Speaking as a parent - as long as only HE and not you have any financial ramifications if he has to pay anything at all, then he is an adult and should make his own decision about leaving.</p>
<p>But it is a big adjustment and I would encourage him to at least stick it out for the first semester. A month from now he will probably feel differently.</p>
<p>Surviving and achieving in most creative fields requires a great deal of personal self assuredness. Look at it this way, if he’s not feeling the stamina to have some grain of “look at me I’m a great artist” within him, it might very well be the best point in time to change courses. If he does have that “self assuredness” and is simply overwhelmed by being around so many people feeling the same way, then perhaps time will help. It’s tough for a creative person who may have been a “star” in high school among all kinds of people with all kinds to different strengths to suddenly be in a pool of people with the same strength.</p>
<p>Hedda, I sent you a PM.</p>
<p>my d is working with a woman who had such a crisis of faith, after her first role on Broadway (!) that she gave up acting entirely, for decades. She deeply regrets it, and has returned to theater. If your son has worked hard enough, and done well enough, that he got into Cal Arts, I hope he’ll give himself a full semester before he makes any major life decisions. I’m sure what he’s feeling is absolutely authentic, but it’s just too sudden and strong to act on immediately… seems to me.</p>
<p>Hedda - My thoughts are with you. I agree with Gwen that this is too sudden and strong a reaction to act on immedidately. He clearly has talent and commitment to have gone through all that was required to be admitted to CalArts. I have been thinking about what I would do with my D – and while you never know exactly what you would do until it really happened, I think I would ask her to stay with it for the semester. Give it some time. Try to see past the first impressions and evaluate what he wants for himself. He may feel exactly the same way in December. But at least he will know that he gave it every chance, and will have less cause to regret it later.</p>
<p>He must have an advisor of some kind-- maybe he can address his problems with him/her?
If it were me, if I could, I would go there physically and get him to speak with people, if he can’t make that happen himself, rather than lose the money/time of a semester.</p>
<p>I’ve had two through college-- and they often have difficulty at first making their needs known in new situations, and I think that a ‘personal assistant’ named mom sometimes helps a lot.</p>
<p>He’s only been there for such a short time! I would really recommend that he at least stays for first semester. A lot can change once classes start.</p>
<p>I would wonder if there isn’t something else going on to make such a quick decision on something this big. Maybe you can dig a little deeper to see if it’s not the “program” but another factor that is weighing him down. Otherwise I agree with other posters who would REALLY encourage him to finish out at least one semester before making a final decision.</p>
<p>Hedda, at the risk of painting a generality with a broad brush, I suspect that what your son experienced is not uncommon at most BFA programs, particularly at the beginning of freshman year. Most of the students are coming from a high school experience where they were a big fish in a little pond and were the “stars” of their high schools. Add to that a bit of immaturity that comes with the age, stick the kids in a small program where everyone is face to face with each other on a daily basis, and there are bound to be a number of students who posture either because they believe the bill of goods they were sold in high school or because they are scared to death about how they really stack up and are putting on a facade. By the end of the first semester, many of these same kids will realize that they don’t really know as much as they thought they did, that everyone around them is just as talented as they are, and that it is better to work collaboratively to help each other meet the challenges of their program. There will be those who don’t come to these realizations but I bet that by the middle of the semester, your son will have found a cadre of classmates whose attitudes and behavior are more to his liking. Also, keep in mind that very often, the term “drama” applies not simply to the curriculum of the program but also to the nature of the social interaction. My observation from speaking to many students across a number of programs is that there are always students who are immersed in all sorts of “drama” when it comes to their relationships with other students and day to day events within the program. It seems to come with the territory of small programs, the emotional content and everyone always seeming to be privy to the details of everyones lives because of the almost cloistered nature of a BFA program. Your son should be prepared for this, try not to get sucked into it and, again, will find his own group of friends who are not into the departmental and personal gossip that occurs and who do not inject “personal drama” into their daily relationships with their classmates. Try to convince him to hang in there for a bit and take stock of his feelings after a full semester under his belt.</p>
<p>MichaelNKat, that was a very perceptive post. It could be its own thread—how to help our kids handle all the personal drama that happens with drama students! (And as we all know, this part starts way before college.)</p>
<p>Hedda: I’m so sorry to hear this. Your son is such a great kid. My D and I liked him very much when we met him during auditions/new student events. </p>
<p>I understand what he is saying. My D picked that vibe up at CalArts too. </p>
<p>Still, he so wanted to go there. I think he needs to understand some of this could just be fear. I remember that when I went to Cal, my Dad told me at orientation they told the parents that nearly all of us would call with some variation of “I want to quit” or “I’m too stupid for this place” within the first few weeks. Both my brother and I did just that (we both went to Cal.) I think what your son is doing is just normal jitters. </p>
<p>The professors at CalArts are very nurturing. I think he should talk to them about his feelings.</p>
<p>Must be common. My son a freshman also and said the same thing. I’m too stupid for this school. Different school, same statement. This was during the first week. He seems like he is really enjoying it now. I think it just takes time.</p>
<p>Enquiring minds want to know! 
</p>
<p>In all seriousness, I recalled this thread from the start of the school year, after my S auditioned with CalArts this past weekend in NYC. I am curious about how this whole “I don’t fit in here, and want to leave/transfer” situation was resolved.</p>