PLEASE, please help?! Life and Emotional crisis?!

Parents Forum
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Hello. I am a 15 year old boy about to turn 16 and I am in desperate need of help and advice related to life during and after highschool/college/universities. I feel like I have such a burden on my shoulders that i might collapse. I’ll first tell me story but we warned, it will be very long.

I started highschool as a freshman in a Magnet high school for Visual and Performing arts. For two years, up until the end of sophomore year, I was in that school. I learned a lot of stuff as a Visual arts student there, but i steadily grew unhappy with the environment. It was in the middle of the city downtown which took about an hour commute to and from on the train.

The school was small, having around 500 kids. Downtown was dirty, and there was a lot of homeless there. I didn’t like how it looked at all. But it was a great school for the arts. However, they focused so much on art and not enough on academics that I wondered if i really was a balanced student overall. I was shy and reserved, got A’s and B’s across the board, but mostly B’s, and didn’t participate in any clubs like NHS or things like that. I guess you can say i was a pretty average student. I loved art, however, and I still do, but I wanted to do MY own art when I want, and that just wasn’t possible in this school because they made you produce paintings, drawings, and sculptures how they want. I didn’t have much time at all to do art in my own eyes, I only had time to do their assignments. It was also practically impossible to take advanced academic classes as a visual artist since the schedule was so rigid, and I had to go home and immediately start doing art. It felt like a prison.

I started doing art happily as a hobby when i was about 11 years old, and now in this school it just made me depressed. During freshman year I kind of put up with it and kept my mouth shut, but sophomore year I started breaking down. Being so far away from home really got to me, and started having nervous breakdowns regularly because I’ve practically been near home my whole life, and I felt uncomfortable in a school which I felt so imprisoned in. I also got home really late, at around 5:20 P.M., and had to wake up at 5:30 A.M. everyday. So I got fed up and left to a regular school after my sophomore year. This school though, is much much closer to home, about a 7 minute car ride.

Now that I just started as a Junior in my new school, I was finally able to challenge myself with advanced academic classes and have A LOT more time at home to study, draw, etc. This is my third day at this new school, and i do not feel comfortable yet again. Although it is very close to home, it is such a big difference. My old school had about 500 kids, and this new one has 2000. I have a few old and new friends that I have made, and but I am not really worried about that right now. I get very nervous when exposed to such loud crowds, though I am getting used to it. I now am able to freely do art how and whenever I want.

But now that I think about my future in college, I would like to go to an art college. I was regarded as a very talented visual artist in my old art school, but i still do art on my own now that i left. I know that being as a Junior, I have to be worried about this, but i am literally scared to death.

I really dont know where I want to start if I want to become an artist later in my life. I know, now that I am taking advanced academic classes and studying to get a near perfect score for my SAT will help me get into the college I want. I am also trying to join a lot of clubs here and hopefully become a leader in one of them, and do a lot of community work and try to join NHS. I felt like just going into Junior year was a real slap in the face and now I am burdened with so much new worries. I notice around me that students aren’t as worried as I am, but I have really high expectations of myself and I really want to make my family proud. My GPA is about a 3.1 unweighted and 4.1 weighted, and I really want to get straight A’s this year to raise it a lot.

I also am already working on my portfolio to submit to art colleges for my application, and trying to change my schedule to get an art class in there somewhere. Am I on the right path? Should I have stayed in my old art school? Now that I am in a different school, would that affect my chances of getting into the college I want?? I am so stressed out i have even had suicidal thoughts. I am only 16… should I really be this worried?? Please help me out I don’t have a lot of people to talk to!!! I feel like such a failure… and I am constantly bringing myself down and feeling hopeless. I feel deep regret for leaving the old school even though I felt really awful in it. Thank you and I will greatly appreciate any help or advice…
BTW: these were my schedules in high school.

Freshman year:
AP World History
Algebra 2 Honors
English 1 honors
Biology honors
Guitar 1 (online)

  • 3 block schedule dual enrollment art classes
    Sophomore year:
    Chemistry honors
    Physical lifestyle and fitness (online)
    English 2 honors
    Pre-calculus
    Spanish for spanish-speakers
    +3 dual enrollment art classes
    Junior year at new school:
    AP Calculus AB
    American History
    AP English Language
    Physics honors (switching for an art class)
    Humanities (dual enrollment at nearby college)
    Human growth and development (dual enrollment)
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As my D would say “wall of text - Ack!”. Paragraphs are your friend. What’s the TL;DR here?

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TL;DR: OP, a talented artist, was unhappy and stressed at old school, a non-academically challenging arts magnet. OP transferred to a closer and more academic school but is now worried about getting into college for art and what steps s/he should be taking.

OP: I can’t speak as to art school. But YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION by getting out of a place that was making you miserable. Stand by that choice.

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Sorry for the post being so long. Basically, I was in an art school far away from home, it got too orientated on art and too heavy on the workload, went to a regular school much closer to home with more spare time to take advanced academic classes along with art and clubs to join, and now I am freaking out over the new school setting and my future decisions and path to a right college for me. Please do mind that i’m a very sensitive person… But please do consider reading the wall of text because it goes more into detail there. thanks

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quote … I am so stressed out i have even had suicidal thoughts. … (more stuff redacted)

[/quote]

Please, please, please seek out counseling. You can overcome this, your academic path is just fine for arts or anything else in life, but you really need to be able to handle your personal issues.

My oldest went through a similar rough patch in his life around age 17, now starting his junior year at college studying a field he had never even heard of before last year. His first counselor just didn’t work out, but the second really helped him and he is now doing great.

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I have 3 kids - and they all could have written what you did - and that’s the #1 take home message I have for you. You will get into a college that’s right for you, and that is what you can hold on to. You will not get into an Ivy - but not many kids do. Most kids get along just fine at the thousands of colleges across the country, and so will you.

So step back, take a deep breath - do NOT get stressed out. Talk to your guidance counselor, parent’s sibs and friends about what might be best for you.

Getting into a college is a process - and it takes time - and everything you do will all culminate in you going off to a school that you choose. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And most importantly - DON’T FORGET TO PARAGRAPH!

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Thank you for summing that up for me. Yeah, I do feel at least relief from switching.

8

Thanks I already told my mom to find me a counselor that I can sort out things with. I’ve been holding in these feelings for quite a while now

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You all made me feel much better about my situation, thank you so much. Anymore advice would be greatly appreciated…

10

Calm down. Breath deeply. Relax. Get some excercise. Laugh. Some of what you are describing is a type of panic/anxiety type attack. My s has learned that when that happens to him, laughter helps. Read a book that makes you laugh or watch a movie or show or visit with a friend that make you laugh. If you have a pet, cuddle with your pet.

It sounds like you made the right decision. Hang in there!

Ps I was fine with your stream of consciousness. Sounded like you needed to get it all "off your chest.

Getting a counselor is an excellent idea.

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It sounds like you made the right choice, so as others say, take a deep breath. Two years still gives you plenty of time to make good plans for post-high school.

When you have a chance, but preferably sooner rather than later, visit a selection of colleges and universities. I’d suggest one large state university art department, a small liberal arts college, and an art school. Many colleges have two different studio art tracks: a regular art major in which you do a lot of art, but you take other courses as well and you have the opportunity to double major, or minor in something else; and a BFA, in which you do mostly art–it’s more intensive, but you can still take a few other courses. And then there are the art schools.

You are going to be well positioned to apply to any of the three types of programs, so you are in a really good spot right now. But start trying to get a feel for the differences between them now, while you have some time to look. Less than a year from now you’ll be starting your common app. Get your parents involved in the discussion, and get a firm idea from them how much they will be able to contribute to costs, and how much you will be responsible for.

Also think about your ECs. Consider starting an art blog, or an art club at school. Enter as many competitions as you can, preferably statewide ones. Work on the yearbook staff, the sets for stage crew, anything that gets you experience. Maybe intern at a commercial art gallery so you can get a sense of the business side of it. And develop a few good relationships with teachers that may be writing rec letters for you next year. Go to your local college fair and talk to some reps specifically about their art programs.

Good luck. You are asking the right questions, and with some planning you should do just fine!

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Agree with prior posters here and want to add a minor point: “I am also trying to join a lot of clubs here and hopefully become a leader in one of them, and do a lot of community work and try to join NHS.”

This is a waste of time if you are doing it for college admissions. MidwestDad3 had it right when he said to think about art-related ECs. Joining clubs to meet people, make friends, feel connected to your new school: all good reasons. But frankly you need to be doing activities you love that are art-related (like making art) so you meet like-minded people, and develop new skills and expertise in an area you care about. Being a ‘leader’ is about knowing yourself and what you have to offer and then doing it - not being voted secretary of a random club. Want to do something useful with your time at school? Get to know your art teachers and talk to them about your ambitions.

And good luck in finding a counselor with whom you can talk. I would argue that all those students around your new school who look like ducks gliding on the surface of the pond are actually paddling furiously underneath - and many are experiencing the level of stress and turmoil you are and are masking it to the best of their ability. Talking to someone is the first step to making this more manageable.

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It may take a while to find a counselor. While you wait, take a look at these sites that can help with depression, and an article about them. Good luck!
http://www.biteback.org.au/
https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/06/19/depressed-try-therapy-without-the-therapist/

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I think you’re creating a lot of unnecessary stress for yourself. First of all, you were unhappy at the old school, and stressed and overtired by the long commute. It seems clear that changing schools was the right choice for you. Stop second-guessing this.

Secondly, you say your old school was not academically challenging enough. I see a freshman schedule of 8 classes, honors, including AP world history–one of the highest workload high school classes (a sophomore level class in our school), and honors algebra2, which is a solid honors math program on par with what many aspiring STEM majors are doing. Plus 3 art classes–that’s a huge amount of work. So why are you beating yourself up saying that your academic program was weak? Where did you get this idea?

Then you load on more stress by saying you have to do everything–all these clubs and activities and volunteering. No, you don’t. Really. Just focus on the things which interest you and which you enjoy. Again, where are you getting these ideas?

15

Listen to some David Sedaris. Laugh. College issues are not a good reason to off yourself. Find a counselor to walk this path with you. You can do this process of college admissions. Best wishes.

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I am SO NOT an art person. I have to convince my geometry students to “pretend it’s a circle” when it looks far more like an amoeba.

But I am a mom. And, as such, here’s my advice:

Please, stop and breathe. It will all be OK.

Personally, I think you made the right choice. Your old school may have been the perfect school-- for someone else. It clearly wasn’t the right school for you. And that’s OK-- you’re a unique individual, and you’ve got to find the right place for YOU. You read a lot on this forum about the right “fit” for college. I can tell you with absolute certainty that it’s equally important in high school.

It’s hard to transition from a small school to a large one-- I see it every fall when our 600 freshmen come to our large school, from one where there were 200 kids in their whole school. And those first days are scary. And they all find their way. You will too.

Go back to that part about the “near perfect score for the SAT.” and cross it out. Why are you doing that to yourself? You don’t have to be perfect, or “near perfect”-- in spite of what you read on this forum. Tens of thousands of “absolutely average” kids get into colleges every year-- colleges that are the right fit for THEM, that enable them to grow and learn and become the “THEM” that they were born to be. That’s important, because “average” is just a statistical term. There is no real “average” person-- each of us is different and needs to find our own way.You’ll find your way too.

Likewise with the activities. Forget what you read about the “right” one; instead, find the ones that are right for YOU. Look into the literary magazine and see whether they need and illustrator, or see whether there’s an Anime club-- take a look at a yearbook and go page by page through the “activities” section and see what’s there.

Start to develop a relationship with the art teachers. Stop by and speak to them-- ask where they were educated, whether they would recommend the same route, and what advice they have for someone with your aspirations.

You mentioned suicidal thoughts-- OK, so it’s time to speak to a counselor. No 17 year old kid should feel as though the weight of the world is on his shoulders. You’ve got to speak to someone who will help you decipher the really important stuff from the stuff you should let go of. Speak to your parents today about finding the right counselor.

And know that your parents will be proud regardless. They seem supportive-- they first allowed you to go to the art school, then allowed you to transfer. Parents tend to see things differently than kids do. We’re proud of the KID, not the resume. I desperately want my kids to be good people, to get an good education so they can follow their dreams, whatever those dreams may be. It’s far more about the person than the pedigree. Kids don’t always see that-- they see us pushing the education and don’t realize that the education is a means to an end, not the end in itself. If my daughters get a Master’s degree, then end up home with their kids and not “using” that degree, it will be fine with me, as long as they’re happy. I value education both for it’s own sake and for the doors it can open up, not because it will enable me to be more proud of my kids than I already am. I’m confident that your parents are already incredibly proud of you-- remove that big worry from those things keeping you up at night.

So talk to your parents today, and let us know how it goes, OK?

17

One of my kids is a musician and almost went to a high school that focuses on music. At the next step, she almost went to a music conservatory but decided at the last possible moment, given excellent choices in conservatory versus university, to stay broad at the undergrad level.

I personally feel that specializing in high school is too early and premature. I think that you experienced one of the problems that can result: not enough time to continue doing art in a way that is individual and enjoyable, not enough time to explore and find your own “voice” under the pressure to produce and progress in a way prescribed by others.

So yes I think you made a wise choice in the long term, that may be hard in the short term, at least while you transition. I would make sure you have an art class or two or ways to do art outside of school, because it can be scare also at your age to feel the full burden of producing on your own without structure from teachers. It is a delicate balance: you need freedom to explore your own art, on your own, but there is always the fear that without the stimulation or assignments from teachers, you will sink into doing very little.

If the academics and social life at the new school distract you from art, that will also tell you something. Consider this year an experiment in finding balance. Don’t join clubs or waster your time trying to be a leader in the conventional sense. Or chase popularity. Find a few good friends, save enough time to do art on your own, and make sure to have some art classes and projects going, or a teacher, to keep that outside stimulation and evalutation going while you explore.

Don’t think about college AT ALL this fall. Seriously. Forget about perfect tests: there are plenty of test-optional schools that don’t even require SAT’s or ACT’s http://fairtest.org/university/optional and if you go to art school, the portfolio will be important. Be yourself! Don’t take on roles at school for admissions purposes, do what you love, work hard, be a good friend.

There are many ways to study art. You can, as you know, go to art school, a state university, a small liberal arts college, and you can do a BA or BFA. We don’t know your financial situation but the suggestion above to look at a variety of different schools- once you are settled in your new school- is a good one and will reduce stress. Look at an art school, a state university and some small liberal arts colleges. (I would include Skidmore, Bennington, Sarah Lawrence, schools like that at whatever level of selectivity you want.)

Things will work out! Please know that transitions are hard at any age. I am moving at the moment and may even feel some of the things you are feeling: disorientation, sadness, anxiety about the choice, and also excitement. It is natural to have troubling feelings during a big change like this.

But if you are truly feeling suicidal or having those thoughts, get to a counselor or perhaps MD/psychiatrist/prescribing nurse practitioner as soon as you can. It may be that some meds can help you over the hump.

The change to a new school is making you wonder if you will still get into the schools you might have gotten into if you had stayed (art schools), but if you had stayed you would be wondering the same thing about academic colleges. Accept and commit to this year at the new school and try to enjoy doing art on your own, more, which I think is great.

Good luck and let us know how things are going!

ps Just want to add that an advantage to switching is that you can also be open to other interests as well. You may or may not want to study art at college, given that you don’t like the pressure to produce for others. One of mine, as I said, is a musician and another is a dancer. They have both gone through periods of questioning or focusing on other things and that is healthy. You have lots of time. Mainly just try to feel better. Here is a good essay that is for music applicants but could apply to art too:www.peabody.jhu.edu/doubledegree And check out the art forum her on cc.

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OP, please understand that it gets better. The problems a 17 year old faces can seem insurmountable, mostly because they are new to you. You don’t have the benefit of years of wisdom and experience that will help you realize that it gets better. Suicidal thoughts are far more common than many would like to admit, but those of us who have had them, or had family/friends who have shared them, want you to know that it gets better.

You are a very special person, but as you are finding out how unique you are, it can be scary. You are a bright, talented kid, as evidenced by the challenging course load you are taking. But the high expectations you are placing on yourself are not at all uncommon for kids like you. Nor is the feeling of anxiety. You may not see the similarity, but you could easily switch out “art” for a wide variety of other specialty tracks (music, science, carpentry, etc.) and your post could have been written by thousands of other kids all over the country. And because of that, I am 100% sure that this thread’s very existence will help someone else when they, or their child, find themselves in a similar situation.

As for the EC’s - lots of kids find the community service very rewarding on a personal level, but others honestly enjoy it more for the social aspect as it is an opportunity to hang with their friends. You might find that you will be happier when you are busiest, but you might also find that you handle things better and are happier when you have a better sense of control over your schedule. Whichever you choose is fine, as it will be right for you. Nobody is expecting you to make perfect choices and do all the right things every time - if everyone did that, how boring life would be. What is really important is what you learn from every experience. You are at a time in your life where you are filling your toolbox - getting to know what works best for YOU, and how, and in what situations.

By the way, in another year, you will be writing those college applications and you will have these experiences to think about. I am confident that you have a great college essay inside you, if you choose to write about your choice to change schools. Admin officials truly love to hear about kids who do something out of the ordinary, and this will offer you a chance to stand out. While you may not realize it yet, you have learned a lot about yourself in this process

If you have a hard time finding a counselor who is a good fit for your needs, please keep posting to this thread. Let us know how it is going - you may find the act of electronic “ranting” is helpful, as in at least a symbolic way, you were taking time for yourself, and it helped you get your thoughts together. Perhaps you found the kindness of strangers (in the responses above) to be encouraging and helpful.

Many people find that one the best ways to feel better themselves is to help someone else.

Best of luck to you.

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OP, I am a mom to a 16 year old boy. I really like the post by bjkmom and agree with what she said. Please talk to your parents. My heart would break if my son was this stressed out and didn’t let me know.

I wanted to add that sleep is your friend. Teens rarely get enough sleep and absolutely everything in life is so much more overwhelming when you are tired. Try to get your work done early in the evening, relax for a little bit and then get yourself to bed.

It will get better, and in the end, everything will be ok.

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Sorasky-
You definitely made the right decision to leave the bad fit at your last school. No question in my mind.
And, you have many great qualities… diverse interests, good intellect, and a strong self-drive.
Believe me, you will do fine overall. I certainly imagine it is difficult to make transition to a large school, but it’s been a few days. I went to a HS larger than that, as did my son, and know how they can seem. But they are full of good people, and options that you will appreciate. One thing I will mention, is don’t worry about making your parents proud of you as an additional burden… they certainly will. Also occurs that a good choice for you may well be not necessarily a devoted art college, but a more broad (likely larger) university that also has a good art department… in the end, you’ll have many options and ways to grow.
Hope you find someone via mom/school that you can talk to as well, sooner is better, right?
Do remember to smile at school – and that people like to talk about themselves… ask them questions :wink:
(fwiw, I was somewhat shy in HS. and driven… at some point, found saying “hi” to everyone after a while made other people think I was popular [weird, huh? :slight_smile: ] Did wind up going to a “fancy” college, and in the end, doing something other than what I originally envisioned. But it all works out good.).
Take care – I wish I’d written something as good as folks above, but here’s my contribution for you.