<p>Our son is a freshman. He has only been home once since he moved in on August 23rd (we live only 1.5 hours away so it would be possible for him to come home more often). He says he enjoys his classes and they are more difficult than he expected, but that he is "bored" and there are alot of "weird kids". He has never been one to join clubs or teams, and his friends in high school were all from the Honors Program that he was in since 9th grade. Also, his work study job has not started yet, and until he left for college, the majority of his time when not in school was spent at his part-time job.</p>
<p>I think this is just an adjustment and that he will be fine. My husband thinks something is "seriously wrong" and keeps asking him if he wants to transfer. I think if he transfers he will have the same complaints, but my husband is concerned because he's not constantly surrounded by friends and partying. I say he wasn't like that in high school, and he's not going to be like that in college, no matter where he goes. Besides - if he was really miserable, wouldn't he be begging to come home every weekend?</p>
<p>Any input to help resolve this dilemma between myself and my husband would be greatly appreciated!</p>
<p>Sounds like your husband is very different from your son, and your husband is projecting that “he” would be unhappy at this school. But he is not your son. Perhaps a visit to the college would help. It’s a bit early to talk transfer. Everyone needs time to adjust. When does his work study job start?</p>
<p>I would agree with you, especially in that he’d likely have the same problems if he transferred. That doesn’t sound so much like a problem with the school so much as an adjustment because it’s not the same as it was in high school, and that transition is inevitable. And transferring can be VERY difficult on you socially, I transferred after sophomore year and have met hundreds of other transfers here and the first thing they always say to me is, “it’s hard, isnt it?” I strongly encourage everyone I meet who is considering transferring to give their first school an honest chance before leaving, transferring in some cases is the best option but it also opens a whole different can of worms. </p>
<p>I think once he gets busy with something, even if it’s just the job, he’ll warm up to things. And if he doesn’t then it may be time to revisit the issue. Even if he’s not one for clubs, if he’s bored it might not be a bad idea to encourage him to try dropping into just one meeting. I was never, ever into clubs in high school, graduated with NO ECs whatsoever, and I tried clubs my sophomore year strictly to enhance my transfer apps and found-- SURPRISE-- I actually really enjoy them. Now I have to scold myself for overloading on them. If he tries to stay totally true to his high school self and doesn’t try anything new now that he’s in a whole new world in college, he may find he’s missing out.</p>
<p>Thank you - that is exactly what I have been trying to get across to my husband but didn’t know if I was wrong for dismissing it as his own perception. Work Study starts in two weeks; they are on the 4 module system, and they do not like to start Freshmen on Work Study during their first module.</p>
<p>If the kid isn’t complaining/homesick, and he enjoys his classes (especially if he is an honor student who gets good grades), I’d let him be. Maybe encourage him to join a club. He’ll probably feel less bored once his starts his job. </p>
<p>Would Dad rather have him drinking, skipping class, chasing girls ? (i.e. what he did in college )</p>
<p>Count your blessings–the kid sounds normal to me.</p>
<p>He has only been in college for a few weeks. Too soon to really acclimate.</p>
<p>Tell the kid to get off his lazy behind and get involved. Encourage him to check out activities. TwistedxKiss put it well - he doesn’t have to remain the same person he was in high school.</p>
<p>Does he seem to get along well with his roommate? Could they do some things together to relieve the “boredom” if he is hesitant to jump out there (clubs,ec’s) on his own?
Does he like sports…just going to some school games would be something to do and make him feel more involved.</p>
<p>I agree with others who said if he were really miserable, you would have known. He would have been coming home (or at least asking to) on the weekends.</p>
<p>From a parent who has been there (son was 2 hours away at the time and had a daily countdown timer on his computer until the end of the semester and his transfer) - YES!!!</p>
<p>Boredom is natural because kids often haven’t figured out how to fill their free time yet. </p>
<p>Some kids (like my son) are so social that just being with other kids is his idea of fun, and just being with other kids <em>is</em> filling his free time. He’s never bored with other people around - hey, you can hang out with them! Kids like my son are people-oriented.</p>
<p>Other kids (like my daughter) are very task-oriented. She is now 4 weeks into her first time being away at college. She started her work-study job almost as soon as she arrived, is taking a heavy course load, including honors classes that require a ton of reading and writing, and plays in the symphonic band. She has been so swamped with work that she’s barely come up for air. She loves her classes. This weekend there was a little lull in the work load because she’d just turned in her first raft of papers. What does she say to me? “I’m really glad to get a little break, but now I’m kind of bored.” She said she’s had so little time to socialize that now when she has a little free time she doesn’t have anything to do. (My son would find this line of thought very mystifying. ;))</p>
<p>But this is how task-oriented people are. It takes a longer time to settle in socially, make friends, and learn how to let that less structured time naturally fill itself with friends, fun, idle activities. It doesn’t come immediately to these people. (I confess, I am one of these people, too.) They will also tend to judge people (as “weird kids”, for example) because they don’t have a natural ease with making friends just for the heck of it. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just the way task-oriented people move around in the world.</p>
<p>So, I agree with you. It’s all about giving it time. I would not assume your son was unhappy. He’s just what he says he is, bored. Nothing wrong with a little boredom. I hope your husband can just trust that your son is fine and all will work itself out in time. Your son sounds just fine to me. (In fact he sounds just <em>like</em> me. ;))</p>
<p>Just ask your husband to search on the web to find out more about the requirements for transfer applications. He will soon find out that the work involved is incredible. Your son will have to go through the whole rigamarole again and … this time no help from teachers and high school advisors. Probably your husband will speak a bit less lightly about tranferring after absorbing the information. It sounds so easy and appealing, but reality is that there is a lot of hard work involved. There are numerous kids who need at least a semester before being ready to make new friendships. Everything is so new and different and it takes time to find the students they want to spend time with.</p>
<p>^“But this is how task-oriented people are. It takes a longer time to settle in socially, make friends, and learn how to let that less structured time naturally fill itself with friends, fun, idle activities. It doesn’t come immediately to these people. (I confess, I am one of these people, too.) They will also tend to judge people (as “weird kids”, for example) because they don’t have a natural ease with making friends just for the heck of it. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just the way task-oriented people move around in the world.”</p>
<p>Thank you 'rentof2 - this is one of those pieces of wisdom that keeps me coming back to CC! </p>
<p>(Can never remember how to ‘officially’ quote)</p>
<p>Rent of 2-- I think that’s a really accurate observation. Both of my kids are task-oriented, as is H. I am people oriented, as it sounds like OP’s H is. It took me most of my oldest’s h.s. career to “get” that whatever it was I would have needed had nothing at all to do with what she would want or need. In fact, when she chose a college, a big part of her inquiry was around what there was to do, how active the students were, how difficult it was to get involved “right away.” Nothing at all to do with anything I would have asked. All questions H encouraged. “You’ll be bored if you don’t have a lot of thngs to do, and I don’t want you working for the first two years.” I was very out of the loop. I said a lot of very irrelevent things like, “How are you feeling about going to college? Are you feeling okay?” Here, in the family, they roll thier eyes at me and laugh and gently pat me on the back. “It’s okay Mom.” Sheesh!</p>
)</p>
)Seriously, give him time to adjust. I really see no issue with him.</p>