I need an honest opinion how you answered this question. I am filling the health forms and came across this consent. First time sending a child to boarding school but I attended a boarding school. How other parents did this in regarding to giving the consent to confidential information and counseling to student as in sensitive issues of sexual health, leads to better communication and treatment? I am having a difficult time to give a consent to them as you know we parents we know for sure we are not sending our kids to boarding schools to have sex but just for those with the kids already in boarding schools, did you give them the consent? Or did you not give them the consent and you wished you did? By the way is for a daughter starting the 9th grade. Thank you in advance…
I’m a little confused. Does the BS want to you sign a form that gives your 14 yo permission to have sex? We did not get that concerns form at Choate… at least I don’t think so… holy crap!
I’m a bit unclear on what is being asked as well. Do you mean giving consent to the school to provide your student with counseling and information on sexual health? We signed that one without giving it a second thought. We wanted our son to be as well informed as possible. I would feel the same for a daughter if I had one.
I’m sure there is no form that gives permission for your student to have sex. They can do that without your permission. No form necessary.
It is not to have sex but to get the birth control pills, other information regarding STDs and transported to Parenthood something like that if needed or if she requested without parents being notified. I thought the forms are the same to all boarding schools. I just denied.
I guess that was the consent. I have denied because it has the clause of if pregnant can be taken to Parenthood without our knowledge too. I guess if it was a boy maybe I would have done that too but with my girl my conscious didn’t let me give my rights to know away…but I will call the nurse tomorrow and talk to her…I just sent the forms back to them but once I talk to her I will change if I see the need to do that…
Nothing like this in our health forms for our daughter entering 9th grade.
Hmm… I just made a note of the medical reasons why I don’t want the kid on the Pill. Then again, I’ve made a note of this on every health form since pre-K, because I have actual, documented medical reasons. And I’ve let my kid know why.
Ultimately, you have no control over your child’s actions at BS, and if you don’t trust your child, then your child should be a day student, not at BS.
My sister made my niece go to planned parenthood for birth control in HS when she was sexually active, wanted her to have the experience so she could share her knowledge with other girls who didn’t feel comfortable talking to their parents. I’ve always told my kids that if they weren’t comfortable coming to us, find a trusted adult. I ended up going to the gynecologist with them at 16, my daughters asked me to be in the exam room so I got all of the details of their sex lives. I guess they were comfortable.
I guess it is due to the different cultures. I went to a boarding school too and I had to do what my parents expected of me…and I will expect the same from my daughter and is not that we do not talk about everything, we do and that is why I still want to be the first one to know. My daughter just told me she heard from another child who they are still friends that this little kid they went together in elementary school is pregnant and was in a day school just different middle schools…So it doesn’t matter if a child is in a day or boarding school but if the communication bridge with her parents is broken… So being in a boarding school is not the reason for me to sign my rights to know away and is not something I am planning to do it anytime soon.
It was a consent to let them take a child to parenthood if she requested. So it was a consent for transportation and other things.
I talked to the nurse and another mom…So I know my decision was right but it differs from one parent to another…
It’s interesting, though, that they specified transportation “without the parents being notified” - that is the part that I was referring to when I said there is nothing like that in our health forms. There were over 20 different forms in the health form section for us to fill out and, while there were a couple regarding confidentiality for mental health counseling, there was nothing about providing transportation to Planned Parenthood or something similar without parental notification. Maybe I’m just interpreting your post incorrectly.
And on mine I don’t remember signing anything about the mental health counseling. Maybe I did be but it didn’t alert me that much. To receive the sex counseling was not a big deal to me but the transportation was what somehow troubling me the most, that if my daughter gets to that point and she can’t even talk to me about it then I have failed her somehow. That was how I felt but as I said each family is different and I asked the question here hoping it was a common question to all. As the first time parent to send a child to boarding school I wasn’t thinking about that until I stumbled upon that consent.
This is our first experience sending a child to boarding school as well and she is our youngest. It doesn’t sound like that consent is very common, based on what others have said. Now I’m wondering what school it is!
I happily signed the mental health counseling one as I want to make sure that is available to my child - and I would want my child to feel like they could share whatever they needed to with a counselor without worrying about who else will be told. All of the other health forms were about allergies, vaccinations, health history, physical, insurance, concussion protocol, etc. There was nothing that caught my eye and nothing that mentioned sexual health.
We all have our sticking points.
It’s important to sit down with your child and discuss your expectations and what you’re willing to give explicit permission for and why, which I’m sure you have.
… and to add: in many states, there is no such thing as consent at 14 or even 16… no matter what the kids say… that’s the law, and the law is there to protect minors (obviously for a reason IMO). After reading this initial post, I checked DS’ student handbook and in it, it explicitly spells out CT law about consent, sex with a minor, etc. Very interesting.
To add to @RoonilWazlib99’s post: we have a friend at a HADES school whose kid spilled her guts to their mental health counselor and after a week was asked to LEAVE. They had 12 hours to travel 3k miles to pick her up. I tell you this because after seeing the devastation that was caused to that family firsthand, I would NEVER trust a school with the mental health of my child. They are in it for the institution first and foremost (they are a business after all). I can tell you we will be keeping our weekly family therapy appointments via ZOOM. Like @stalecookies so eloquently said, we all have our sticking points.
I think it depends what was shared, even at public schools if a student even hints at self harm or hard to others they are immediately removed from the school. My son had some mental health issues senior year, I mentioned it to his guidance counselor and he was put on home study, and this was during covid with 100% online school, but he was no longer allowed to participate until we jumped through crazy hoops.
I will screenshot that part to share it here for you to see. Maybe every school has its own version or worded differently but I doubt if that is the only school with that information.
You are doing the right thing, @DrPrimo , in keeping your own mental health providers in place. That is not the school’s role. While schools have mental health providers on staff, they are rarely there to provide ongoing therapy. They usually refer to resources locally for that. If a kid seems like they may try to do themselves serious harm, yes, they will generally try to get them to where they can get appropriate care. This is essential to the well-being of the kid as well as the community.
My sense is that most do a really good job of getting kids to recognize when they may need help and of being there in those moments. Their role in the mental health space is that of the health office to physical health – you go when you get hurt or sick, and if it is serious or chronic, you will be sent to the ER or an MD. They aren’t going to be setting broken bones or removing someone’s appendix!
It’s important to read those forms carefully and answer in a way that is comfortable and appropriate to you and your family. If you are at all unclear, get the clarification. I suspect most health offices welcome that – knowing you are taking this seriously.
@RoonilWazlib99 I can’t PM you…If you want to see the document send me a message and I will reply to you with it. I do not want to post some private documents received in a private setting here in public. I truly was thinking all documents were the same or almost the same but I guess each school is different in regarding to taking care of our kids well being or each state is different as I have read it again and they are saying under the State laws…So I believe they work according to how the State laws permit them.