<p>He may have legitimate issues with higher math. Tutoring of course requires his motivation involved (which is questionable) but math will only be just as hard a requirement in college so if he has a comprehension block somewhere now…best to address it now while he is not a varsity athlete and he is not distracted by hundreds of college buddies far from home. </p>
<p>I would not let the lack of performance slip by you this year if there is a comprehension issue. Back off, find the problem and have him reapproach it. This is a college skill st…if he doesn’t get this now he will have the same issue as a freshman…he has to master this as everyone will find lack of comprehension somewhere in colllege and many of those issues are addressed with study skills.</p>
<p>Re setting up a calendar for visiting colleges, REQUIRE him to make an Excel chart for you on his college list inluding average SATs and GPAs for admission, graduation rates (this figure matters to you as you don’t want him to be one of the % of kids who doesn’t make it to the sophomore year), and whether they do interviews, etc. Give him one week to turn this in to you. Go over it with him. Then make an appt with your Guidance counselor and see what she thinks of this list. In other words, help him see the many many details that are part of getting an ACCURATE reality base.</p>
<p>Has he seen his ACT on the national charts? So many kids with A averages would be honored to have his score.</p>
<p>Have him sit in on college classes–take him…this is something you can do for him now… Have him attend the tours. This kid needs to actually see these places and want to be there. Lexington is a cool place. So is Charleston at West Virginia. Easy to flunk out of too.</p>
<p>Have HIM present a plan to you on how he will get to see this top schools…he still has a shot of admission and a chance at performing when admitted if he gets an attitude adjustment. Ask HIM to submit to you who would write his references and to imagine what they would say. Help him understand how to approach these references humbly and frankly.</p>
<p>Have HIM see that GPA and transcripts are often the most important part of an applications.</p>
<p>Ask him to project what he would write for his Common App essay to show strangers something about himself. </p>
<p>Ask him how he would explain his grades perhaps in a paragraph addendum on the Common App.</p>
<p>In all honesty…that ACT is insanely good for someone who doesn’t get that grades and teacher references are deal breakers. I most definitely would decide/forcast what I would “do” for him, sit down with him with pad of paper and pen and spell out what kind of support you will offer him if A, B or C. </p>
<p>This conversation would include what his performance would have to be to get a second semester at A, B or C. Should he get in. Distractions are many in college. He has to know now that you are doubtful that you can put money into this until he does his high school work right now.</p>
<p>I think he will get in at either Kentucky and/or Marshall…but staying in the game will require the same skill set missing in high school. I have a friend locally whose son couldn’t keep up in UK so he attends the related community college there in Lexington but he is making it now.</p>
<p>He needs to realize that if he blows off the classroom now, you have limited resources to spend on more classrooms and that you have to be sure he would study and meet deadlines in college or he has to choose another vocational path entirely.</p>
<p>So…he has some distorted ideas that you have to challenge if at all possible re How Things Work. Does he have a humble paying job now that he is not at football practice due to not doing his school work and his losing his chance to be part of the team? I would suggest that is where he should be as well be as well as at weekly math tutoring… for some of the 15 hours a week he used to be at football practice…he needs this kind of reality more than visions of being a broadcaster. You need to call in whoever has influence on him. </p>
<p>He needs accurate, reality based information and to get out of his daydreams…sorry I am upset and so indulge me if I let this bleed over a bit into experiences in my circle… recently seeing my nephew who watches football most weekends and dresses out in favorite team clothing…who simply didn’t do the work in high school…ten years later despite a very high IQ…has his favorite sports team college tatooed all over his chest, drives up and down to see them play, but never did the work required even in the local community college. At age 27, I am seeing the consequences of his choices sinking in. He was unemployed for a good while this year with two kids. His parents spent some money on the (2) local community colleges here but he never took over and ran the show re college classes and seeing the reason for doing well. His ideal job would be to work for a sports team. But he blew the stepping stones off. I would be fine with that if he had taken up an honorable trade and was part of something at this point where he was working hard, but he is unhappy and is not fulfilled, and is hanging on by a thread in the workplace, where employers wonder why a smart guy like him has no diploma. He barely got out of a good local high school, and his parents never took away things that mattered to him while he lived with them…cars, football and cars when he quit doing his job holding up his end at school. In his case, there was also weekend alcohol in high school that was never curbed, and a new set of friends who were not going to college. He drifted away from his first set of friends who were college bound. Perhaps this is a non issue in your home. I only mention it because of personal losses here in my nephew’s life.</p>
<p>If you find it very difficult right now to get through to him, I would suggest that you see someone for counsel for the specific purpose of strengthening yourself to deal with this two or three sessions instead. To simply fortify yourself to be the best, toughest, clearest parent possible at this juncture in his life. You may need coaching is what I am saying. He still may not listen, but you will have the comfort of knowing you were as clear as a bell. </p>
<p>I asked my sister to go get counsel when her son quit doing ANY homework…and to simply take away car privileges 10 years ago till her smart son had a B average in high school…I am not talking about all As and Bs…just a B average…he was also very smart. They didn’t do it. They saw a counselor once and never went back. They blamed people in the school who were not inspiring him enough (?!) Ten years later she is paying several of his bills monthly. I heard her say to him recently that perhaps he should go to school to study to be a sports medicine person, which was his ideal path. He is employed in telephone sales which only led to more isolation from those who finished college.</p>
<p>But what I regret more is that he never had the benefit of multiple teachers, mentors and deadlines and exams that are part of college. He missed the socialization experience because he simply quit doing the work hours that others put in to make it. This attitude hurt him in the workplace eventually, although he was able to get work due to his smarts for a while.</p>
<p>If your son is a highly social person, he has to understand that he will be missing out on the socialization of college if he doesn’t treat the classroom like a paying full time job. In our state, Virginia Tech has a fairly easy admission rate, but took zero off their waiting list a year or so ago. It is easier to get in than it is to stay in. It is easy to fail once you get there. And you know about them Hokies and their insane football. But you have to do the work to have the four years of the fellowship.</p>
<p>Have you considered getting a professional to test him to see if he has some small area of learning issues that contribute to his blowing off math? Perhaps he has some glitch there that is truthfully causing his distress and increasing his avoidance? Does he have college grads and relatives who are role models in his circle who can give him the skinny? Has he seen the flow charts on the internet on earning power with a bachelors degree vs without one? </p>
<p>I guess he believes he is going to do it when he is good and ready, but in this recession things have tightened up. Is he interested in military service? (I am a military brat and have seen this choice work for many high school drifters.) They do extensive IQ testing and would likely give him serious training and would use his abilities. Maybe this option would horrify him…however, I say GOOD!
College in my opinion doesn’t even equate to a “job” much these days unless you are an engineer or studying to be a teacher right away. It is a long term socialization experience where you also get to work your brain hard and max out the potential of that organ. He doesn’t want to miss out on this excuse to work his brain and stay with his peers and delay adulthood if at all possible if he is a quick study like he appears to be on standardized testing. </p>
<p>He is a bright kid. He needs to understand that he won’t be cheering in the stands on Saturdays anywhere if he doesn’t have study skills and the work ethic required in college courses. There only the exams matter. You get zero for class participation and doing your homework. If he doesn’t assume more responsibility in the high school setting, I would seriously consider having a conference with him and telling him that you had to see one year of good grades in the local community college or you don’t pay for college anywhere. The prospect of missing out on a season of sports at UK just because he has quit doing his work in high school might work. Go to Ebay, get a set of tickets and go to the game is my suggestion. </p>
<p>He clearly has got what it takes…all he needs is feet firmly in more reality, and reality comes to all of us at different rates and schedules. Good luck, and I am sorry if my worries over my own relation overtook this post but I truly hope he has a great new awakening and a happy freshman year someplace cool next fall.</p>