<p>LOL - not in my house. But I think MacArthur did okay, despite his helicopter mom.</p>
<p>And if you watch old movies, the mother often moves in with the son, hence the MIL trope. What is a mother, if not a substitute for an eventual wife to clean and cook for her son?</p>
<p>Maybe this is why the vast majority of boarding schools are out in the middle of no where, to keep the rents away!</p>
<p>Edited because I thought this was referring to college aged kids, not HS.</p>
<p>friendlydad and I had a good eyeroll over this article this morning. I donāt think the situation of the single mom missing her daughter is worth debating. The parents who irked me were the ones who refused to accept that part of the point of boarding school was for their kids to develop their own coping and lifestyle mechanisms. Examples that come to mind are the parents of juniors who decide that they need to be near their kids to help them through the college process, and the one whose daughter fought the move ātooth and nailā but now, according to her mother, likes having her parents around to spoil her.</p>
<p>I donāt have an issue with the moving to be near her kid part at all. The part I do have an issue with is where she says that sheās doing it because sheās ānot ready to give up parenting.ā Silly me, I must have missed the part in the parenting manual where it explained that if my child went to school a couple of hours from home, I would no longer be parenting him.</p>
<p>That said, I totally get the concept of buying or renting an apartment or house nearby to use on weekends. My son is at Hotchkiss, which is in an absolutely gorgeous area but has very, very few good hotel options anywhere around. Itās occurred to me more than once how nice it would be to have a weekend home somewhere out there so that we could more easily go see his games on the weekends and not have to worry about being able to find a hotel room within a reasonable driving distance for things like parents weekend, etc. I donāt think that makes me a helicopter parent, it just makes me someone whoād like to see her kidās baseball game without having to drive six hours roundtrip in a day to do so. I recognize that weāre lucky compared to many boarding school families that weāre even able to go see his games or performances, but I still wouldnāt mind being able to cut down on the driving!</p>
<p>I have to say, there are times I wish we lived closer. NOT so I could interfere in the daily life of my kid, but I really do miss seeing her play sports. I get great joy from watching her get better and love to witness her successā¦I also hate moving so no worries!</p>
<p>I also see the appeal of buying a home nearby to use in lieu of a hotel when visiting. But to buy a home nearby so you can live there more-or-less full time to hover over the boarding kid-- groan. Wouldnāt it make more sense to simply do day school? </p>
<p>It reminds me of the news stories Iāve read of pampered, wealthy intāl students who come to the US for college, and their mom comes along to hover and do their laundry for them. Come to think of it, I recall this one mom during S1ās freshman year who would come EVERY weekend to vacuum her kidās room-- eyerollā¦</p>
<p>Agreed, doing the vacuuming every weekend is ridiculous! I did, however, make the drive up to my sonās school on the first weekend to help him do the laundry. We decided that the laundry service was too expensive and there was no way I was going to be schlepping his laundry to him each weekend. We agreed that we would work on it once he arrived. Itās funny, however, that when I got there the machines were all full. My son seemed to have no problem with that and assured me that he would be just fine doing it by himself. I was very tempted to text him to ask how it went, but resisted. We will stop by this weekend and see how he is doing and have the necessary sibling visit. I will also, insist that he change his sheets!</p>
<p>@Momto4kids - Seriously, stay out of it. He needs to feel that he is capable enough to make his own decisions about laundry and hygiene.</p>
<p>With regard to @GMTplus7, it seems like there is a giant spectrum here. I stumbled across a website providing parent-type services for international families of BS kids, up to and including picking up your kid at a momentās notice if they get kicked out of school!</p>
<p>āThe part I do have an issue with is where she says that sheās doing it because sheās ānot ready to give up parentingā.ā </p>
<p>I donāt know why this is a problem, The kid is going to be a freshman, i.e. a 14-year-old. I wasnāt done parenting when my sons were 14.</p>
<p>Some BS parents believe that they have to relinquish control and influence when they send their kid to BS. Most parents (familiar with BS) will tell you that this is certainly not the case.</p>
<p>The kids who thrive at BS have parents who are confident in how they raised them BEFORE they leave for school . It doesnāt really matter how young they are. It can be any age or form. </p>
<p>Different strokes for different folks. As Choatie mom states many international families buy places close to the school to have a place to stay when they are in town for school events, or to allow their kids to be day students in their last couple years, if trusted to live independently. Getting an apartment close to a BS these days is not unusual for the wealthy. I can see some kids might benefit from having mom available when needed; another type of kid might do better living more independently.</p>
<p>Aside I heard that Andover has looked at their day student pop and their BS pop and have hypothesized that their day students do better on the whole academically because they are less distracted during study hours. </p>
<p>Again some kids can manage their time independently, others need more structured boundaries given to them. Each family needs to determine and go with what they think is best for their student.</p>
<p>@soxmomā How about staying in Great Barrington? Itās a bit of drive from Hotchkiss but has a few chain hotel options, ie Holiday Inn, Fairfield Inn, etc. Itās not Hyattā¦ We also ate at a place called East Chinese restaurant and were surprised to find good Chinese food in such a remote place. </p>
<p>My Dad read this article today and said, " Next thing you know theyāll be building Parent Dorms". Heās a 2G BS alum.</p>
<p>(coolest guy on the planet ) </p>
<p>My kidās freshman roomie had a mom who drove two hours each way every weekend to clean and organize roomieās (very messy) side of the room. My kiddo found it hilarious, though rather annoying.</p>
<p>Soxmom: the White Hart Inn just reopened with new ownership, in Salisbury. And it is a lovely place to stay!</p>
<p>I think my kids would hide if I visited them every weekend to organize their life.</p>
<p>I would not speak to the press either. Thatās just hard on the kid.</p>
<p>@geo1113, my point was that none of us are done with parenting our children at age 14. The woman quoted in the article seemed to be suggesting that she had to be near her daughter so that she could continue parenting her, which suggests that all those parents out there who send their kids off to boarding school more than a short drive away have somehow decided to relinquish parenting them. It just reminded me of when people say they donāt want to hire a nanny or send their kids to daycare because they want to āraiseā their children themselves.</p>
<p>@cameo43, Iām looking forward to staying at the White Hart! I was so excited when I saw that it had reopened. And Iāve done the Great Barrington thing when I have to, but itās not exactly ideal.</p>
<p>Just got around to reading the article. IMO, moving to a town to be closer to your kid at BS sort of defeats the point of your kid going to BS. Being a local boarder is a different story, because you have not changed your place of residence. Even if we had the money, I doubt Iād buy a place close to either of our kidsā schoolsā¦at least not primarily for the sake of being close to the kids.</p>
<p>Two points that stand out to me:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>The whole notion that sending your kids to BS is āthe end of parentingāā¦mentioned by a few above. Iāve never thought that my job as a parent is done just because my kids donāt live under the same roof 8 months of the year. Sure I donāt see all the kidsā scholastic athletic events, but we do get to a few each yearā¦and itās enough for me.</p></li>
<li><p>In the article, one of the example families has a kid who is an elite squash player (Iām assuming the kid is āeliteā because they are spending the time/money to pursue outside tournaments). This I sort of get, but am of the opinion that if your kid is THAT good, then you probably donāt put them into a school situation that makes it a challenge for the parent to get them to training and the competitions required to maintain national ranking. I guess what Iām saying is that in the case of an elite athlete, I maybe could see doing thisā¦but a very big maybe.</p></li>
</ul>