Helicopter parents buying house near kid's boarding school

<p>@soxmom, fair enough. Maybe a better response from the woman would have been “she is 14 and I want to be closer to her”. I think that would be entirely reasonable and that is really what I was thinking.</p>

<p>And I am scratching my head over your statement that people would say they would rather raise their children rather than hiring a nanny or sending kids to daycare. Explain.</p>

<p>Heck, when my sons are out of college, I would like to remain a relatively close distance to them if at all possible.</p>

<p>Electronic apron strings can be stronger than physical proximity. When my D was at a school less than a mile from her house I certainly didn’t get updates throughout the day as I do now. I do understand the convenience of being physically close and don’t fault the mom in the article for that. I don’t understand why she thinks that one must have the physically closeness in order to have the emotional closeness.</p>

<p>It’s funny you mention “electronic apron strings”… due to texting and the like, I am already more in contact with my kid than I EVER was with my parents when I was away at school… </p>

<p>I thought the article was pretty dumb … this is not a trend, it is just a few individual people. They are wealthy and lucky enough to be able to live wherever, and some of these areas are pretty bucolic. The author basically acknowledges the pointlessness of her piece at the end when she says the major change has been the electronic connection between almost all kids and their parents, not a handful of people living near their kids. I am really glad that I am within 2 hours of my son and can see him at least once a month, go watch him play lacrosse, etc. If I lived much further, was independently wealthy and idle, and was looking for a “cottage” somewhere … sure I could see moving close to where my kid was. I also thought a lot of the comments on the article were absurd … one person would argue both “stop helicoptering” AND “don’t dump your kids in boarding school, raise them yourselves” Even if you live ON CAMPUS you are not going to be a helicopter parent to a boarding school kid. You can’t. </p>

<p>@geo1113, I’m a full time working mom, and I cannot tell you the number of times that I – and other friends of mine who are also working moms – have had stay at home moms say things like “oh gosh, I don’t know how you do it. I could never let someone else raise my child” or “we’d never have a nanny take care of our kids, we think it’s really important to raise them ourselves.” (I don’t dispute that working moms have said things equally clueless and offensive to stay at home moms; very much a two way street)</p>

<p>FYI, there’s a whole thread on the “bad parent for sending your child away” club:
<a href=“Negative reactions regarding child attending BS - Prep School Parents - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1124520-negative-reactions-regarding-child-attending-bs-p1.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>@soxmom, chuckling a little at equally clueless (aren’t we all at times), but I get it. When we had children, we decided it was best if one of us could be home until they were of school age. Our decision. I never judged someone else’s choice when it came to that choice.</p>

<p>I found the “not ready to give up parenting” comment odd as well. I find that I actually do more parenting while my child is away. There are infinitely more situations that are presented to her at BS that require advice than there were at home. I often get a text that starts out with “need to run something by you” or “need another opinion……”. Usually it is whether to add yet another EC or club to her busy schedule, but she often asks for advice on how to handle sticky social situations or how to approach a teacher about an issue or concern. These kids are faced with a lot of situations that simply don’t arise unless you are living on a campus independently. I really feel like my D will hit the ground running at college. She has navigated herself through the 4 years pretty well.</p>

<p>I don’t think this is that weird. The part that’s foreign to me is the part in which a family makes enough money to send their child (or MULTIPLE children) to a school that costs over $50,000 for high school and also makes enough to purchase property (or rent a substantially sized house).</p>

<p>But kids who start high school are around 14 years old, maybe 15. That’s still pretty young. I don’t think it’s weird that a parent would be reluctant to let a 14-year-old live at a boarding school alone, even while wanting them to have that experience at the same time. Living in town (and hopefully not interfering too much) seems like a decent compromise for a sane parent.</p>

<p>@juillet: The issue here is the student’s boarding status. If the parent is reluctant to let the 14-year-old board, and that is perfectly understandable, why not just rent/buy near the school and have the child live at home and attend as a day student? The cost of attendance goes way down, and the family can remain together. No one sees that scenario as odd; it’s done all the time and for good reasons. What IS odd is choosing to allow the child to board and then moving close to the school. Money is not the issue. It’s clear that even if the child is independent enough to take advantage of the full boarding experience, the mother is not. Her words indicate that the issue is on her end; either she has attachment issues or a misunderstanding of what “parenting” means or both. That’s what’s causing many of us to roll our eyes. The mother is not ready to let the child board, so she should not have chosen this scenario at this time. But, as mentioned upthread, the mother’s proximity will probably not enable her to remain as connected to her daughter as she thinks just due to the nature of BS. This will probably end up a better lesson for the mother than the daughter.</p>

<p>Parents who rent/purchase property in order to be closer to their children are obstructing what boarding schools are designed to teach: Self-reliance. </p>

<p>The house / apartment tells the child : I don’t believe you can do this on your own. </p>

<p>These parents can try to justify their real estate adventures all they want, but that’s the clear message they’re sending to their kids. </p>

<p>I think the mother’s word choice is obscuring that she’s single and wants to live in Newport. Unfortunately, it draws many to her tale, rather than the other families. Some people think Newport is a lively place and it’s definitely considered a destination city. </p>

<p>I can’t read more into it than that. I have told my own girls, last just graduated college, that parenting is a continuum and I’m not done, though I sure know how to give them space and they are functionally independent. Imo, it doesn’t mean Mom’s going to do anything more than she could from her prior home. Her daughter can be self reliant. It would be quite different if Mom said, “I want to tuck her in each night.” </p>

<p>I’m a little tired of the New York Times’ recent habit of holding up parents for criticism. </p>

<p>As with every published story, we don’t know enough. Children sometimes develop health concerns which make boarding school difficult. Students often bond to their boarding community, though, and removing a child from her friends is a difficult step. Also, sometimes families get divorced; if a mother, for example, chose to live closer to her children than her divorced husband, in a lower-cost area than New York, well, that’s life.</p>

<p>As another parent, I would be concerned about a boarding student having access to a family house without continuous parental supervision in the immediate area. It seems to me mischief could result, especially if the school doesn’t know all the details. I’m thinking of mischief such as students partying in a house without adults present. </p>

<p>Actually if the mother gives the child ample space and just sees her once in a while for a dinner or lunch out, then this scenario could be the best of both worlds. I do not see why the child should suffer because the mother may not want to let go. I think the girl living on campus is great and if the mom wants to be close by well I guess thats her prerogative. Think the D will still get a lot out of the BS experience.</p>

<p>Everyone weighing in on this article has read a Boarding School Mission Statement- right?</p>

<p>Right but presumably day students reap benefits from BS as well. And this girl does have the benefit of having a roommate and actually living with others in a dorm. Not the optimal situation having mom in the same town, but when it comes to other people’s children my opinion does not get to count as much.</p>

<p>I guess I don’t find any of it odd. Lots of kids who naturally live close by to a BS and who could attend as day students often choose to board at school, even though their families live minutes away. They like that they can go home as much as they want, but can choose to sleep at school for studying purposes.</p>

<p>I also don’t think parents necessarily send kids to BS so that they can have a BS (living away) experience. Many parents don’t have good options close by and BS is a necessity; other families want the feeder school status/advantage they think they may get to selective colleges; others want their students to learn how to be more independent. There are a myriad of reasons. For lots of internationals, it’s the way in to a US college.</p>

<p>I think parents and students have their own reasons as to why they chose a boarding school or day school. The variations are endless. I think you have to let go of assumptions.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>The difference is that the boarding school just happens to be near the present family home. The parents did not deliberately buy a nearby house so they could hover, rather than to use in lieu of a hotel. </p>

<p>Until a few years ago, Concord Academy and Middlesex School had boarders whose parents lived near enough to the schools for them to be day students. They may still have such students; the kids I knew have graduated.</p>

<p>Any number of families choose to live in Milton or Andover in the hopes that their children might one day be day students at those schools.</p>

<p>I suppose it’s just hard for me to point a finger at parents who decide they want to live near their minor children.</p>

<p>I totally agree that we shouldn’t point fingers! Sending your fourteen year old child away to boarding school is a difficult thing. We all work our way through it differently.<br>
We were actually up at my son’s school twice this weekend. He was feeling a bit homesick with not much going on over the weekend and wanted to see his siblings. I’m really trying to follow his lead. This afternoon it seemed as though he was getting a bit uncomfortable so we left after a short visit. We all need to figure this out, particularly in the first year of BS. I have talked with my son about this exact thing</p>