So I know this is extremely late but I’ve been super self-conscious about anything personal that I write so it’s taken me a while to get up the courage to share a personal statement. Please help! It’s due soon!
PROMPT
| + | Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. | + |
In a perfect world, my life would be easy. I would never experience stress. I would be the best sister ever. My sisters wouldn’t fight so much. In a perfect world, my family wouldn’t be so dramatic. The word “anxious” would never pop up in my vocabulary. I wouldn’t worry about homework, even though it isn’t due for a while. I would be smart, saving my money instead of buying books on a whim. Senior year would be as I’d seen it in the movies: easy, fun, and the least stressful year in all of high school. College applications would be easy. In a perfect world, I’d know who I am and what I want to do.
But I don’t live in a perfect world.
In my world, there is always something for me to worry about. In my world, I have a tendency to bug my sisters about chores and homework. I placate arguments between my sisters, organize the house, and clean up after their messes. What happens to my cousins, aunts, and uncles are stories you’d find in a Filipino drama. Feeling anxious is a near constant. I start homework comparably early just to prevent myself from putting it off. I comfort-spend because books make me happy and the prospect of their delivery motivates me. High school, while small and warehouse-like, is homey and supportive. I’m not very sure what I want to do. Amidst the stress and the anxiety, amidst the classwork and extracurricular responsibilities, amidst my constantly growing list of things to do, I’m still trying to find an honest answer to the question “Who am I?” besides the vague description of “someone who wants to help”.
In my world, all I’ve managed to figure out are: I want to help people, I’ll miss my sisters when I move to college, and books are a definitely great way to pass the time. There are so many other things I have to find out and I know it’s going to be one heck of a complicated circus. But, honestly, I don’t mind that.
Hi there! Well, straight away you should stay away from using contractions like “wouldn’t” or “I’d”. Those words are too informal for a personal statement. Aside from grammar, what you’ve written comes off as very self-deprecating which is no good. I know it’s difficult to talk about yourself and be confident but that’s what they’re looking for.
It seems like you’re a compassionate person (you want to help and you love your sisters) and that you enjoy adventure (being open to new experiences at college) so you should write about that. Think about the things that make you feel good about yourself and the aspects of your life that make you happy. Something maybe like you take care of your sisters which shows that you’re responsible and mature?
The personal statement is kind of like a sales pitch to universities. You want them to believe you’re worth investing in but you have to believe in yourself first. Think positively and you can do it!
Best of luck!
thank you! so contractions are a no go?
and would this be better?
It’s a regular, weekday night. I’m in my pajamas, my current playlist blasting through my speaker. Just three feet away, on top of my dresser, is a candle, replacing the scent of whatever my grandmother had cooked for dinner with something nicer. Beside me, the bed’s fixed. My eleven year old sister is already asleep, snoring lightly on her side. The door is closed and, in front of me, one of my assignments is already laid out with the other homework I have left to do stacked up beside me. That’s when I hear, “This is wrong! Read the directions again!” from the living room. It’s my mom again and she’s trying to help my seven year old sister with her homework. And it’s not going well. As usual.
I was in her position when I was four years old, learning how to read, and that was a scary experience. As much as I sympathize with my sister, I get where my mom is coming from, though. My mom and I weren’t born here; we had gotten our citizenship through naturalization with the help of my stepfather. My mom had worked hard—in school, in her first job in the Philippines, just to get us to America. When we’d gotten here, she continued to work hard. It wasn’t easy considering how different America is to the Philippines, but it paid off. Now, she’s a billing specialist. She’s able to pay for my sisters’ tuition, my cousin’s tuition, the apartment, the bills, and my grandma’s adult daycare, almost everything.
She’s built us a home. We went from the two of us living in her aunt’s spare room to renting our own three-bedroom apartment for our six member family. My mom can provide for our needs and wants, my sisters and I have a good education, and she’s made our life as easy as possible for us. All she asks in return for her all the stress, the exhaustion, and the hard work is that we finish school and make a happy life for ourselves—and, seeing as I’m the eldest, the first to fulfill that has to be me.
Seeing my mom work hard all my life has continued to motivate me through school. It’s what keeps me from giving up and giving in because I don’t want her hard work to go to waste. She does not deserve that. And, I feel that if I could help others like her, I’ll be repaying her for everything she’s done for me. There are so many people who have been, still are, and are trying to be in my mom’s shoes. I want to be able to give them that chance. I’m not one hundred percent certain if I want to study business or law, but I do know that, whatever I do in life, I want to be able to help those like my mom. I want to give them the same chance my mom received. I want their children to have the same opportunities my mom gave me and my sisters.