Help grade my essay (Blue book test 3, first ed)

<p>I know that most people don't like to grade essays, but I feel like I really put a lot of effort into this one and did perhaps my best. I would really appreciate it!</p>

<p>Prompt: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?</p>

<p>Although conscience can motivate great men to revolutionize the world, money, fame, and power hold greater control for the most part. Political scandals and moral corruption are two examples of that statement.
President Nixon and his mendacious actions in the Watergate scandal exemplified how his desire to retain his power and fame overtook his conscience. As an elected leader, he was supposed to act out of his political experience and morals, not his desire for more power. Instead, he had people bug a Democratic agent to aid him in the next presidential election. He then lied to the public so that he would not lose his power. The scandal showed that Nixon's desire for more power and fame corrupted his conscience and ultimately forced him to resign from his office.
In the novel "The Good Earth," opulent peasant Wang Lung abandons his wife O-Lan, the one loyal person who greatly helped him rise to his newly acquired wealth. However, Wang Lung's craving for more pleasure and power made him forsake her while he purchased more concubines and servants. Not only until O-Lan died did Wang Lung's conscience only slightly take over and make him realize what his negligence had done. The whole time, money and power eclipsed everything else he once cared for.
On the other hand, there are great men who can suppress the lust for wealth and fame. Critical leaders such as Mohandas Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. acted out of their moral beliefs, not for a desire to rise in society. But alas, there are only a limited number of such inspirational people who can stop lust from defiling their actions.
Money, power, and fame virtually dominates conscience as a motivation for people. Those whose drives are based on the latter usually end up to be the momentous leaders of history. </p>

<p>Is it too short? It ends up to be 305 words, and I can never get my essay past 400. I tried including topic sentences, relating my examples back to my thesis, and using conclusion statements.</p>