<p>D is completely befuddled by three acceptances (equivalent financial packages, so that's not an issue)--was able to toss out a fourth, but can't come to a decision on these others. She is a very indecisive person even about small things, so I really feel for her. Her very savvy guidance counselor is pushing one choice, another option is appealing more to her gut--but she doesn't really trust her gut. (Not surprising, since her brother's gut led him to a school he hated and transferred from.) And there's the third, which has an unappealing location as its sole drawback.</p>
<p>She's away on a school trip for a week, and will have to make a decision soon after she returns, so I'm wondering if I can do anything to help her in the meantime. I was thinking of making a side-by-side list comparing basic data like enrollment, student/faculty ratios, average SAT's and GPA's, recent accomplishments in her field of interest, etc., so it's all there in one place and easy to absorb at a glance. But all that info may just paralyze her further. I could also give her my own assessments of each school's pluses and minuses--but then there's the fear that I might influence her to attend a college that she ends up disliking and never forgive myself--or be forgiven!</p>
<p>So do I try to bring some facts and opinions to the table, or just assure her that she'll find happiness at any of the choices and stand back? How pro-active have you all been in your kid's process of choosing among competing acceptances?</p>
<p>When we found ourselves with the same predicament last year, a PRO/CON list for each school ws very helpful; my daughter created it and then showed up at dinner one night with her decision…she would have been fine at any of her schools, but we left the decision up to her…</p>
<p>I agree with rodney: have her write out a pros/cons list. Even if you’re both already aware of what those are, writing them out can help put it in perspective.</p>
<p>I know I would’ve appreciated my parents’ input on my college decision, but they were simply happy I was going to college and didn’t really have any opinion one way or another. I imagine if we’d talked about it the focus would have been on quality of life because I can make my own opportunities anywhere.</p>
<p>We did the pro/con stuff, and I made up a little survey. At the end I told her the one that she had rated lowest was the winner. Then I asked her what she felt. She said it felt wrong. So I told her that the other one had actually come out higher. That made her examine her own heart, and in the end that worked.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t stand back. I’m the most indecisive person ever, and choosing between two or more acceptable alternatives is a form of torture for me. Definitely help her in any way you can. You could always do the “draw from a hat” thing just to see if she really could live with all three, or if when drawing randomly, she is not ok with one of the choices. In which case, eliminate it!</p>
<p>Do not stand back, but…do not make her decision.
Make your list while she is out of town, if only as a focal point for your discussions.</p>
<p>I typically play devil’s advocate.
When they said red, I asked them to consider the positives of blue.</p>
<p>I would focus on ease of transportation to and from each school (not distance. Mine is 3000 miles away but 10 minutes from the airport on either end.)
Look at ease of changing majors, double majors, # of possible majors and minors, and the pro/cons of size of student body.</p>
<p>We found that faculty ratios and average SAT scores had less impact (unless grossly disparate). We also did not consider 4 year dorm availability (by senior year you want the ‘approaching independent living’ management of finances that apartment living brings).</p>
<p>We also did not consider where friends were going. The first two each had 1 acquaintance at their school; this last one knew no-one. The all managed well.</p>
<p>S2 is a very indecisive person, always has been. I was afraid he would have trouble deciding between his top 2 schools, but he created his own list, mostly “pros” of each school on notecards. Added to them as he thought of things over a month of indecisiveness. </p>
<p>After decision was made was announced, I asked how he came to this choice. He said he made his choice based on his notecards and gut feeling, then kept it to himself for a week, still felt good about his decision, then told us. For Mr “I Can’t Make a Decision” I was impressed and thrilled. Just one more indicator that he really is ready to head off to college in the fall.</p>
<p>So, in answer to OP’s query, stand back and let your D decide. She will come to her decision in her own way eventually.</p>
<p>I would stand back. Way back. If she senses that she’s wound up at your choice, you’ll get blamed for anything that doesn’t go well. Let this be her first adult decision. If you’re OK with any of the three choices, then let her make up her own mind based on whatever she decides is important.</p>
<p>Of course help her, is my opinion. But don’t push it. Maybe help her put together a spread sheet on the pros and cons. Much better if it is her decision, but you can always help.</p>
<p>If you haven’t already done so, pull out the course catalogs and look at the gen ed requirements, what AP or IB credits they give (if applicable) and what courses are required by her major. There might be a substantial difference among the schools - e.g. 8 hours of required Physics at one school vs 0 at another; Calculus at one school vs. not at another; 8 hours of religion at one school vs. 0 at another…you get the point. Reading the descriptions of the classes she would have to/get to take at each school might push her toward one school or away from another.</p>
<p>I also made a list of about 20 different factors - made Son rank the three “finalists” one, two or three in each category, no ties allowed. His top two schools were virtually tied, but the exercise did help rule out one choice.</p>
<p>I found this effective: Pretend one night that you’re going to School A. When you wake up in the morning, how do you feel? Then the next night, do School B, and the third School C. That may help her make a decision.</p>
<p>So true, Very Happy. I was very careful about what I said about S2’s top 2 schools. If I showed a preference and he went there, it would have been all my fault if it didn’t work out. </p>
<p>Agree, stand back, let D decide. May 1 is approaching fast, and she knows that. This is a big decision, the biggest for most of our kids, but also the time when they shine and show us how much they’ve grown during the senior year, and how ready they are to move on. (whether we are ready or not…)</p>
<p>Totally understand where you are coming from MommaJ; my daughter was in the same boat last year. She was able to immediately rule out one choice due to $$, but had a real problem deciding between choices 1 and 2. We visited both school twice and she even did day visits. My husband and I left her alone till about this time last year, then we stepped in. I told her she needed to make a decision by April 20 so we could be sure to get her deposit in before the deadline. She is a notorious procrastinator and I had visions of overnight mailing her deposit the day before it was due! She did the pros/cons thing that so many have advised and then we all sat down and discussed it. I think in her heart of hearts she really knew where she wanted to go, but was hesitant because the other school had been her #1 choice for so long. Once she saw the postitves and negative of each school staring her in the face from that piece of paper, she was able to choose. I think it also helped that gave her the time she needed (within boundries) and supported her decision. Good luck to your daughter.</p>
<p>It’s normal for students to take a while – even up to May 1-- to make their decision, and to be indecisive. After all, for most this is the first time they’ve had to make such a big decision.</p>
<p>If parents make the decision for them, that keeps students from learning how to make a decision, and it also leaves parents open to blame if the students don’t like the college.</p>
<p>Instead, parents can help by making sure that students know about any financial restrictions (such as if parents would require a student to work or take out loans to pay for a more expensive school or if the student wouldn’t be able to come home as much if the school were farther away). The parent also can pay for the student to visit the schools again, and the parent can suggest that the student look over the schools’ web pages, talk to alum, contact admissions for contact info for current students.</p>
<p>The parent also can ask questions to help the student figure out what things are most important to them. Would, for instance, a student be happier at a school that lacked general education requirements? Would the student prefer to be at the larger school or the one with nicer dorms or certain majors?</p>
<p>Don’t be surprised if your student acts baffled and helpless and tries to get you to make up their mind. Still, don’t do that. As your young adult gets ready to leave the nest, this is your opportunity to give your kid the confidence boost that will occur when you let her/him know that you fully believe that s/he can make up their mind about such an important decision.</p>
<p>Keep in the back of your mind that if things don’t work out, your student can always transfer, something that many students do.</p>
<p>You mention in the initial post that Option 3 is in “an unappealing location”. That sounds like a good enough reason to scratch that one. </p>
<p>Now she is down to two. Perhaps she should take a look at things like scheduled speakers for this semester, or music performances on campus or in town. How about location of coffee shops, music venues, theaters close to campus? Of course, I am assuming that these two options offer equal academic opportunities or I wouldn’t be mentioning coffee shops.</p>
<p>Or, how about semester abroad programs? If she is interested in that possibility, perhaps she can investigate how it works at the two schools, and if there is any help with funding such trips.</p>
<p>Personally, I would steer clear of making a recommendation for the reason several others have stated: I would fear the fallout if the choice does not work out. And she really does know herself better than others (even moms) do.</p>
<p>I agree that location location location is something to be considered seriously. But ultimately, I think the decision should be your daughter’s. I would be there to listen and to have ideas bounced off of…but the decision needs to be owned by HER. She is going to college and this is the first in many important decisions she really needs to make herself.</p>